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Saturday, January 31, 2009

How to Be Fun to Be With

Do your own thing!

Most people like being around fun individuals. It's just human nature. People who are fun are usually quite popular among their friends, have good social lives and are rarely bored. Do you want to be a fun person? If so, read on.

Steps

1. Listen. Fun people don't do all the talking when it comes to conversations. Good conversations are crucial when you want to be a likable person, and sometimes you just have to be quiet and listen. Realize too, that listening is a learnable skill that takes practice, and it's more difficult than many people believe. So talk about a topic/subject you want to, then listen to his/her opinion about it or let them start a topic for a conversation.

2. Smile and laugh. Laugh because people like people who laugh with them (not at them). This makes people happy and brightens the way they think of you. It makes you seem like you truly love life and you can deal with any problems that you have to face. Be a happy person, not ditsy and uncaring, but optimistic. Think about the people you most enjoy being with, usually they are always on the up and up. There are times to be sad, but they should not take up a majority of your time.

3. Make eye contact. This is very important because it makes people feel like they have all of your attention, you are listening, interested in what they have to say and they are getting the attention that they deserve. It also makes you seem more trustworthy, honest, and open. If you are always shifting your eyes around and looking at everything but the person you're talking to, people will think that you don't care what they have to say or you have something to hide.

4. Be active. Are you having fun when you are sitting at a bench, looking down and not doing anything at all? In order to be fun to be with, you need to be active, to stand up, to be creative. Maybe do a "happy dance" when something good happens, take up a sport, or twirl around to cheer someone up. It works!

5. Be curious. Know what you'll be doing later. If you get turned down or rejected, move on. You never know what's going to happen until you try. Always try to seek out more knowledge or skill in an area that interests you. It will really improve your character. Go ride a bike past the local park or walk to the nearest local hangout spot because you never know who you'll meet.

6. Care about yourself. In order to be a fun person, you must be confident. Also, physically take care of yourself--Eat Healthy for Life, and Get Fit.

7. Be sociable and friendly. In order to be fun to be with, you'll need to build some new relationships so people start noticing you. Be friendly to everyone--people who were mean to you, that guy that sits next to you in math class, your team captain--everyone. Treat your new friendships well. Praise them, cheer them up when they're down. Joke with them (not at them), help them, invite them to parties, etc. Just be yourself, and be a people person. Be friendly, kind, giving, caring, generous, learn about them, and make them want to know more about you. Be mysterious and intriguing! It totally works.

8. Don't be afraid to really go out there! If you are afraid of people thinking you are weird, strange, etc., just think of the bright side. You don't need them, and hey! you're trying to meet new people anyway, so it will take your mind off the negatives.Plus who cares about what anyone else thinks. Don't let anyone label you. Be who you want to be and don't be afraid to be yourself. People hate phonies!! So go out there and rock the real you.

Tips

· Save some time each day for your own needs.

· Don't be afraid to be yourself, whether or not it overlaps or doesn't overlap with other people's interests. Be interested.

· Always pursue knowledge. Knowing a lot will help you become wittier.

· Know your limits, and let other people know those limits too.

· Always be trustful and honest. Be genuine and don't gossip about others.

· Just be confident, trust yourself and what you do, believe in yourself and others will believe in you.


Warnings

· Don't only pay attention to being fun. You need to keep a more serious side and let it show at appropriate times too. If your friend is asking you for support through hard times, you need to take that as your responsibility and show them that you're a friend worth keeping. Same thing goes with your parents--show them that you deserve more freedom by doing what they say and being responsible.

· Don't try to make people think you are fun. It comes off as phony and pushy.

· Don't laugh at people. Laugh with them. It's good to laugh at yourself, though. You have to in order to stay happy through your mistakes and failures.

· Be aware that the kind of fun you're having is healthy, legal, and doesn't cause anyone any harm, including yourself.

· If you are really close, obvious flirtatious teasing is all right. But if you are just getting to know someone, start off polite.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

How to Be Energetic and Fun Loving

People bursting with energy have three things in common: they deeply honor and respect themselves; they completely accept themselves for who they are and don't take themselves too seriously, and they see challenges as opportunities to be creative.

They switch their negative thoughts as rapidly as they switch channels on their TVs with their remotes. Because they see life as a game to play and enjoy, they radiate good health. They are fun to be around, because they love and accept you for who you are.

Steps

1. Honor Yourself and realize you are a unique child with your own destiny to fulfill. No one except you knows what is the right path for you to follow, thus you must keep tuning into those silent-loud messages your heart sends you.

2. Respect Yourself. Respect yourself for your uniqueness and understand that everyone is on their own life journey.

3. Forget about what others think of you. The most valued opinion should be yours alone.

4. Accept both your dark shadows and the bright light that shines forth from your loving qualities, thus accept the totality of who you are.

5. Watch Your Self-judgement and Self-criticism.

6. Take Nothing Personally.

7. Remember That Everyone is Always Doing Their Best, thus you must practice forgiveness.

8. Forgive Yourself and forgive others when screw ups happen; this lightens your heart and adds tremendous energy to your life.

9. Think Creatively when challenges present themselves, which they'll do until the day you depart this earth plane.

10. Be Thankful for all the gifts you have and take care of your body, mind, and spirit, as no one else knows how to more than you do, even when they seem to.

11. Live in the present moment: the past is dead (like a canceled check) and the future is a promissory note, it may or may not arrive. Spend the cash NOW, for example. Buy what you love, spend it on gifts. You'll feel so much more joy when you can actually use the opportunities you've earned. Don't be too careful, but don't be too careless either! Just enjoy yourself. Play! Live every day like it's your last!

12. Take Up Energy Work like QiGong, Yoga and EFT. It helps to bring energy and positiveness to your life.

Tips

· Live as much as possible in the present, forgetting and forgiving your past and not fantasizing too much about the future. Setting goals and having dreams is real but follow up with visualization, right thinking, and actions.

· Nothing's impossible when you're determined!

· See yourself as a loving child in a friendly universe. Remember, you get to choose how you see the world, no one forces you to think a certain way.

· Life's too short to be miserable!

Warnings

· Be careful of others, especially those closest to you, telling you how to live your life. You choose how to pursue your happiness and freedom, which energizes your whole being and makes you fun to be around.

· Watch how you talk to yourself. Daily you have between 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts. When your thoughts are upbeat, hopeful, contented, inspiring, grateful, and joyous, you exude energy and you are naturally and effortlessly a fun loving, energetic person people love to be close with.

· Don't mope around beating yourself up about the past, whatever faults or regrets you have felt you left there, shouldn't be that important to you that you hold it against yourself, and how you can save the fault/regret by improving it in the future.

· If you regret not doing something like parting goodbye or maybe that somehow you could have saved your friend or father from dying, forgive yourself because by caring this much you've already proven yourself enough to know that you did love that person, animal, or even insect.

This shows that if this person or pet had been alive, and they saw how much you loved them, they would want you to cry it out but not get depressed about it any longer than you should.

· Don't wish if you could only go back in time and fix a problem, because first of all you can't--the past is dead, its extinct and what would be the point if we could all go back in time and just fix it? What lesson as human beings do we experience to really learn how to avoid and save ourselves from that issue.

· The future is like a baby. If you wanted it to be well and happy, you wouldn't drink, do drugs, gamble, or jeopardize it like that. Take care of it well.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

How to Be Different

There are many people out there who want to be "part of the crowd." If you want to be the leader and stand out from the crowd instead, then this article is for you. It's a wonderful feeling to know that you are original and unique.

Steps

1. It is okay to imitate a variety of people in small ways. This is called "inspiration". For instance, you may adopt Jackie Kennedy's habit of speaking softly, Audrey Hepburn's hairstyle, and your best friend's sarcasm (but don't outright imitate her, this is annoying).

However, do not buy an item of clothing that one of your friends already owns (another colour is often okay, however). By adopting habits that you truly love, and developing your own interests and personality traits, you will discover your true self.

2. Adopt outfit ideas from a variety of sources. For instance, your shirt may be influenced by Ralph Lauren's latest collection, while your cool skirt might have been inspired by the 1940's movie you watched. (PS: Dress the way you truly want to, don't get too caught up in being different.)

3. Find good friends with diverse interests. They will aid you in being more confident.

4. Be intelligent. Because if you know everything, you can better decide who you want to be. Be the kid who reads "A Doll's House" and "Gossip Girl".

5. Remember that self-discovery is an ongoing process. The person you are at 15 is not who you will be at 22, or 49, or 97!

Tips

· Don't act superior to those who are not different. Many of them truly like the styles they wear and the TV shows they watch. Remember, popular things are popular for a reason. Don't dismiss them, as you may truly love them. You could be astonished by "The O.C."'s wit, or fall in love with The Plain White T's.


Warnings

· Don't label yourself. Just because you feel that you are a "gangsta" doesn't mean that you can't love ballet.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

How to Be Cheerful


Cheerfulness and kindness come from the heart. However, sometimes its hard to be cheerful and optimistic towards others. Here are some ways to draw out these wonderful qualities.

Steps
1. Be comfortable in your own skin. You are your own special person, with your own individual traits and strong points. Be proud of these abilities and be happy about who you are. Understand that even though you're not perfect, you can still soar to your full potential.
2. Help someone who is in need. Not everybody is as fortunate as you are, nor do some people have as much love as you do. Try to help them out by donating to charities, running a food drive, or even offering a simple smile. Your dedication will shine- and you'll make someone else happy along the way!
3. Look on the bright side, but be honest. If you're having a bad day, identify it! You shouldn't just ignore the fact. Then, after you've analysed the fact that you're experiencing a bad day, think up ways to make it better. For example, say you're stuck in a terrible rainstorm, and need to get home. You should certainly identify what a problem this is. However, you can remind yourself how lucky it is that you're only 5 minutes away from your house- while your friend Mike is 40 minutes away. There's always something positive.
4. Listen. Reassure others, and listen to their thoughts. You may find some insight, or even a laugh!
5. Keep an open mind. Let the chips fall where they may. Something may look worse than it actually is.
6. Don't put people down. Instead, encourage them to rise and accomplish their goals. Display optimism, and cheer them on each and every step of the way. Your optimism will become contagious.
7. Never judge too harshly. Never judge a person by appearance. That quiet girl in the back of the room may look scary, but inside she may like soccer just like you! You never know if you'll be in that position someday and need a friend. Be a friend.

Tips
· Don't be negative, cynical, or deceitful.
· Always be sure to smile. It'll make everyone around you feel good!
· Get out of the house. Sometimes being alone is good but loneliness can consume you. Take a bike ride in the sun or ask a friend out for coffee.
· Listen to your mind some of the time, and your heart all of the time.

Warnings
· Although you should always feel good about yourself, never become conceited. We all have our negative points too- no one is perfect, not even you.
· Cheerfulness is often mistaken for being fake. Don't talk in little high voices and pretend to be perfect. You'll just end up annoying everybody.
· Be careful; with the opposite sex, sometimes kindness can be misconstrued as a come on. Make sure your intentions are clear, if unwanted.
· Don't consume too much alcohol too often. You may later regret something you may have done or said to someone. Keep a clear mind.

Friday, January 23, 2009

How to Be Charismatic

Have you ever noticed how some people captivate everyone they speak to?

No matter what they look like or how much money they have, they can walk into a room and instantly be the center of attention. When they leave, people think highly of them and want to emulate them. That's charisma, a sort of magnetism that inspires confidence and adoration. Like beauty, luck, and social position, charisma can open many doors in life. Unlike these other qualities, anyone can become more charismatic.

Steps

1. Meditate. The following advice is culturally relative. This list was made for Westerners, and is to be used in Western environments only. And then, it has its limitations, as charisma is an energetic thing, that can not be manipulated or changed with simple instructions. The only path to developing charisma that is truly effective is to meditate and to lighten up. Dropping seriousness and self-concern makes one more charismatic.

2. Relax. Charisma is all about channeling your energy to other people. If you channel stress and anxiety, people will be repelled. If you channel relaxation and tranquility, people will be attracted to your calmness, and they'll want to be more like you.

3. Look confident. Charisma isn't the same thing as confidence, but appearing confident can make you more charismatic because your confidence will put others at ease and inspire faith in your abilities.

- Improve your posture. Nothing conveys confidence like good posture. Stand or sit up straight, but not rigidly. When you meet someone, give a firm handshake and look the other person in the eye. Display positive body language while you're talking to someone and even when you're just waiting around. Sit facing the person or people you're talking to, uncross your legs and arms, and keep your hands away from your face. Look at ease, and don't fidget or convey nervousness.

- Be anyone's equal. No matter to whom you are talking, treat them as an equal. If you're talking to a potential employer, a group of wealthy donors, a child, a stranger, or an attractive guy or girl, for example, don't put them on a pedestal or talk down to them. Be respectful of other people, of course, but respect them as equals, and expect that they will accept you as such.

4. Get in touch with your emotions. Research has shown that people who are generally believed to be charismatic feel emotions strongly, and they are also able to relate to what others are feeling. Ironically, in many societies, the suppression of emotion is considered desirable. Don't be afraid to feel anger, pain, sadness, or elation, and don't be afraid to communicate your emotions. Also be aware that there is a difference in suppressing your emotions and controlling how you express your emotions. It is this control which is truly desirable. Always be genuine - fake emotion rarely appeals to anyone.

5. Match your body language to your speech. Perhaps the defining characteristic of charismatic people is the ability to use body language effectively when communicating. Gesturing is important, but good gestures aren't arbitrary.

- Watch how other people gesture. Notice how some speakers' gestures appear fake or out of sync with their message. These people come off looking shifty or uncertain as a result. Other speakers use body language exceptionally well. These are generally the more effective communicators and appear more trustworthy and competent. These people are often successful actors, religious leaders, and pundits. Look for good and bad examples of the use of body language. Pay attention, and learn.

- Think about your own gestures. When you speak, does your body language back you up, or do you look nervous, uncaring, or bored? If you're passionate about something, do your gestures communicate this, or do you play it cool?

- Practice in a mirror. Watch yourself in the mirror and give a speech or even pretend to hold a conversation. What are your eyes doing? How about your hands? Do you look like the shifty politician or the charismatic one? Could someone know what emotion you're trying to convey even if they couldn't hear you? Practice regularly, and make note of what you need to improve.

6. Think before you speak. Reduce the fluff and filler material in your daily communications. Try to make every word count, and think about how you're going to phrase something before you open your mouth. If you don't have something important to say, remain silent. With continuous effort, the right words will come to you more easily. It may seem surprising but limiting the amount you talk will make what you have to say more interesting.

7. Speak with conviction. Like gesturing, the way you say something can be just as important as what you say. Say something important and say it with conviction. Speak at a relaxed pace and speak clearly. From this baseline, vary your tone, rhythm, volume, and pitch to emphasize your most important words and to keep your speech interesting. Record yourself speaking, and ensure that your phrasing complements your message.

8. Treat people as they want to be treated. Make each person you meet feel as though he or she is truly important, regardless of your first impression or that person's reputation. If you make people feel good about themselves, they'll be drawn to you and hold a higher opinion of you.

- Listen actively when others speak. Give someone your full attention when he or she is speaking to you. Make good eye contact, and nod in agreement or make brief interjections, such as "I see," or "Okay," to assure the person that you are listening and you're interested in what he or she has to say. A brief touch on the upper arm can emphasize your agreement or empathy with something someone says, and it can make the person feel connected to you.

- Make people feel special. Learn and remember people's names, and address people by their names. Smile genuinely when you greet someone. Compliment people freely, but genuinely, and accept compliments graciously and without any fuss.

Tips

· Developing charisma is an art. The general guidelines above can help you be more charismatic, but your charisma must come from within you and must reflect you as an individual or it will appear fake. Fortunately, everyone has the ability to be charismatic, and it simply needs to be coaxed out. Practice and take note of what works and what needs improvement.

· Don't mimic others. People with well-developed charisma have a remarkable ability not only to sway people's opinions but also to cause others to emulate their personalities and even gestures. At the same time, however, research has shown that charismatic people do not emulate other charismatic people. Their individuality sets them apart.

· Have a message. Don't be afraid to be controversial, to push the envelope. If you believe in something or feel strongly about it, communicate that in a respectful way. Your charisma will help people be accepting of your ideas.

· Take an acting class. Actors and charismatic people use the same techniques to captivate their audience and evoke emotion.

· Join a Toastmasters Club to develop communication and leadership skills with others who have similar interests.

· Put it all out there. People tend to hide thoughts and feelings from each other without any bad intentions, but everyone warms up to someone who is totally honest without being awkward or weird about it. Some things would be weird, but wording them right can be a bit charming. Of course, there are a few exceptions; don't say anything that will make people feel uncomfortable or want to leave and back away from you.

· Being charismatic isn't the same as pleasing people. Charismatic people don't care about what others think. They are just totally charming and charismatic on their own.

Warnings

· Consider your audience and be careful not to offend them. It can be good to be controversial, but being offensive can make people feel uncomfortable. Challenge, but do not offend.

· Don't try to fake charisma. You can learn charisma, but trying to be charismatic without practice can make you seem bizarre and untrustworthy.

· Success requires more than charisma. If you don't have the skills or dedication to do what you set out to do, you will eventually fail.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

How to Be Bold


Begin, be bold and venture to be wise. -Horace

If you're shy, hesitant, or passive, you run the risk of leading a boring life marked by routine and unfulfilled goals. Most progress has been led by people who were bold--scientists, political servants, artists, and others who didn't wait for opportunities; they created opportunities. So if you want to be bold and unstoppable, here are some ways to kick start your momentum.

Steps

Pretend you're already bold. If you were to switch places with somebody who is as bold as bold can be, what would they do in your shoes? If you already know someone who's bold, imagine how they'd act. If you don't know anyone like that, think of a character from a movie or book who's daring and brave. Spend one hour a day or one day a week pretending to be them. When you do this, go somewhere that people don't know you and won't act surprised when you do things that are out of character. Go through the motions and see what happens--you might discover that amazing things happen when you're bold, and you might be convinced to carry this bold behavior into your everyday life.
Make the first move. Whenever you're feeling hesitant--especially in your interactions with others--swallow your pride and make the first move. Ask your acquaintance if they'd like to go to the bar down the street for drinks after work. Tell the person you fancy that you've got two tickets to a concert and you'd like them to come with you. Give your significant other a big hug and apologize for that time you overreacted a few months ago. Smile and wink at the attractive cashier.

Do something unpredictable. What could you do that would completely surprise the people who know you? Wear high heels? Skydive? Take a dance class? Bold people aren't afraid of trying new things, and one of the reasons they're so exciting to be around is that they keep you guessing. You can start small, perhaps by wearing a color or style of clothing that you don't normally wear, or visiting a place you normally wouldn't visit. Eventually, you may get to the point where you entertain ideas that make other people's eyes widen when you mention them ("Are you serious? White water rafting?" or "You're kidding me. You want to buy that restaurant on 3rd Street?").
Ask for what you want. Rather than wait to be recognized for your efforts, or expect someone to consider your needs, step right up to the plate and ask. Some people feel that asking for things is greedy, selfish, and rude--and it is, if you're asking for something you don't deserve. But if someone is withholding something that you've rightfully earned, they're the ones being greedy, selfish, and rude. Besides, what's the worst that could happen? They say no. Life goes on.
Ask for that promotion or pay raise you've been waiting (and working) for.
Ask for a discount. A little haggling can go a long way. The phrase "What can you do for me?" is an easy and powerful way to save money.
Ask to have your credit card's annual fee waived.
Ask a relative, friend, or even a complete stranger for help or advice.
Ask for clarification if you're not sure what is expected of you.

Take risks. There's a difference between being reckless and accepting risks. Reckless people don't accept risks...they don't even think about them. A bold person, on the other hand, is well aware of the risks, and has decided to go through with the decision anyway, ready and willing to accept the consequences if things don't work out. Think of an athlete who takes risks every day.
Are they reckless? No. It's a measured risk. You might make a mistake; we all do. But inaction can be a mistake as well, one that leads to emptiness and regret. For many people, having taken risks and fallen flat on their faces was far more fulfilling than having done nothing at all.
Rediscover who you are. Ultimately, boldness has to do with coming from your center, what you believe. It is not about what you do, it is about who you are. If you do not know who you are, you can never be truly bold. Start really appreciating your uniqueness. Discover what makes you different and then parade it around for all to see. Put flags on it, call attention to it and love yourself for it no matter what others think. That is the heart of boldness.
Tips
Don't confuse being bold with being aggressive. Aggressiveness often involves imposing your viewpoints or actions on others. Boldness has nothing to do with the people around you; it's about overcoming your fears and taking action.
Don't worry about rejection. Try to make your invitations to others occur as "without consequence," i.e., the opposite of an invitation from your mother to dinner. Conversely, when your invitation is declined, boldly accept it and leave the other person/people feeling okay with their choice.
While there's power in taking on something new, there's also a greater chance of failure because of your lack of experience. Embrace the failure; it's not the opposite of success, it's a necessary component. The opposite of success is sitting still.

Monday, January 19, 2009

How to Be Awesome

The definition of 'awesome' is defined differently for every individual. However, here are a few tips to improve yourself to your awesome potential.

Steps

1. Develop the aspects of yourself that aren't so awesome. Remember that there is no standard set of things that everyone wants to be in life. For some, this may mean getting in shape. For others it may be growing musical talent, or reading more books.

2. Be optimistic. If you start realizing life is good, then you're that much closer to being awesome. Try thinking of how much worse life could be to help you appreciate what you have. Also realize that if you are having hard times right now, that things are going to get better, especially if you start feeling optimistic about your life. Being optimistic is easy!

3. Find more things to laugh about. Watch stand-up comedy, listen to comedy cds, etc. Listening to comedy will help you see life in a more hilarious manner, which is awesome.

4. Start discovering what you love.

5. Work to try to create the awesome things you love. People will know instinctively that someone who creates things is awesome.

6. Listen to your favorite music and don't be afraid to rock out to it. And if you do it in public, some might think your crazy, but there's also the possibility that others will think you're awesome for dancing to the beat of your own drum rather than the masses.

7. Don't be afraid of what other people think. There are six billion people on the planet so there is no way that you can get along or please everyone. Instead concentrate on pleasing you first then your loved ones.

8. Tell yourself that you are totally awesome. Confidence is crucial to being awesome, so always believe in yourself.

9. Make a list of the qualities you think are awesome in others. Ask yourself why you think these things are awesome. Is it something you can attain in yourself? If not, is there something different you could do?

10. Be Awesome to others and they will not only be Awesome to you but tell everyone how Awesome you really are!

Tips

· Join a sports team to help you get in shape.

· When working out, don't start too small; be sure to push yourself (but not too hard! See Warnings). Listen to your favorite songs to get yourself pumped up.

· When trying to be optimistic, think about the future and how you have absolute control over what you will be like when you're older. The fact that you always have the opportunity for self improvement is what makes life so great, and realizing that will make you awesome.

· When discovering new things that you might like, be sure to give things a try if it interests you but not your friends. Your friends should not limit your interests.

· Remember: the key to being awesome is to do awesome things at awesome times.

· Keep a positive attitude.

· Be yourself

· Hang out with awesome people.

· Make sure that what you do is awesome to everyone else, as it is to yourself.(if other people don't think you are awesome, you need to try something else.)

Warnings

· Be sure not to push yourself too hard when working out. You might try to consult a doctor or someone who works at a gym to design a personal fitness plan catered to you.

· While confidence is good, don't over exert your confidence or you will appear arrogant and self-centered. While arrogant and self-centered people may love themselves, they are generally not considered awesome by the general public.

· When trying new things, if all your friends are voicing strong and valid opinions against you trying the new thing, such as "you shouldn't sky dive because you're afraid of heights," you should at least listen to their reasoning before trying the new thing.

· When trying to be awesome remember that trying too hard to be anything can be very-not awesome

Saturday, January 17, 2009

How to Be a Good Friend

Enjoying the moment

Have you found yourself pondering how to make that new person in your life be friends with you? Want to get closer and demonstrate your support, loyalty and love to your mates? Read on for ways to be a great buddy and in the process, show your pals how you would like to be treated, too.

Steps

1. Be real. Are you trying to be friends with someone to be accepted into a certain clique, or because you'd like to get to know someone else that he or she knows? That's not friendship, it's opportunism. Every new person you meet has the right to be accepted (or not) on his or her own merits, rather than being appraised and appropriated by some weird Professor Henry Higgins who thinks he can mold you or who wants you to change for his sake.

2. Be honest. A dishonest person has no chance of having true friends. Keep your promises, do what you say you are going to do, and most importantly, don't lie! Lying leads to more lies, and people will eventually figure you out. If you found yourself lying about something, be honest - go up to them, tell them the truth and how you felt, as well as how you may think they would've felt (explain that you were second-guessing rather than trusting your friendship). Don't be a coward; if you know you were at fault for the whole dilemma, own up. Simply talk about it, hope your friend will forgive you. They'd most likely appreciate it in the future, to look back and say, 'wow!' I have/had an amazing friend by my side.

3. Be loyal. If your friend tells you something in confidence, don't blab about it to anyone else. Don't talk about your friend behind his/her back. Nobody likes a backstabber. Never say anything about your friend that you would not want to repeat face to face. Don't let others say bad things about your friend until you've had a chance to hear your friend's side of the story. If someone says something that shocks you and doesn't seem like a thing your friend would do or say, tell them, "I know him/her, and that just doesn't sound right. Let me talk to him/her, find out his/her perspective on this. If it turns out to be true, I'll let you know. Otherwise, I would appreciate it if you didn't spread that around, because it might not be." You can't play both sides of the fence.

4. Be respectful. Know the boundaries. Things you and your friend discuss should be treated with care - your friend is not sharing this information with just anyone, and may not want to. She shared it with you - and only you, as far as you know. Example: If your friend doesn't want to name her crush, don't push her into it. If she has named her crush, don't tell anyone else. This is just common courtesy anyone and everyone deserves the expectation that you will keep confidences.

5. Watch out for your friend. If you sense that s/he is getting drunk at a party, help him or her to get away from the alcohol. Don't allow your friend to drive drunk - take his or her keys and/or drive your friend home personally. If your friend begins talking about running away or committing suicide, tell someone about it. This rule overrides the "respect privacy" step, because even if your friend begs you not to tell anyone, you should do it anyway. Suggest a help line or professional to your friend. Talk to your and your friend's parents or spouse first (unless they are the ones causing the problems) before involving anyone else.

6. Pitch in for friends during times of crisis. If your friend has to go to the hospital, you could help pack his or her bags; if her/his dog runs away, help to find it, if he/she needs someone to pick him/her up, be there. Take notes for your friend in school and give them their homework assignments when they're absent and sick at home. Send cards and care packages. If there is a death in his/her family, you might want to attend the funeral or cook dinner for them. Care about your friend enough to help him or her open up and let tears roll. Give them a tissue and listen. You don't have to say anything, just be with them.

7. If your friend is going through a crisis, don't tell them everything is going to be all right if it's not going to be. This goes right along with keeping it real. It's hard not to say this sometimes, but false reassurance can often be worse than none, and it may undermine your friend's ability to get through the crisis as well as they might. Instead, tell your friend that whatever they need, you are there for them. If they need to talk, talk; if they need to sit quietly, sit with them; if they need to get their mind off things, take them to a movie or concert. Give them a hug. You are friends, not strangers, after all. Just stay honest, but upbeat and positive. Even a stranger would most probably appreciate it.

8. Give advice, add perspective. Don't judge your friend, but do advise to stay out of situations where they may harm themselves or others. Tell him/her how you perceive his/her situation, and what you might do in the same circumstances. Don't be offended if they listen to your advice and then decide to ignore it. Your friend must make his or her own decisions. Avoid saying "You should...".

9. Give your friend space. Understand if he/she wants to be alone or hang out with other people. Allow it to happen. There's no need to become clingy or needy. Allowing one another the time to hang with other friends gives you much-needed breathing room, and allows you to come together fresh and appreciating each other even more.

10. Never make a promise you know you can't keep. Good friendship is based on trust - if you break a friend's trust, the friendship may be very hard to salvage. Of course, if you have made a promise and planned to keep it, but circumstances beyond your control conspire to prevent it, let your friend know as soon as you find out. Don't wait until 15 minutes after you were supposed to arrive to call and say, "gee, I'm sorry." Instead, a quick call to say, "Hey, I know I promised to help you with whatever it is, but my mom is telling me we are going to my aunt's for the weekend, and leaving tomorrow just after school - that means I won't be able to make it. I'm so sorry. Can we reschedule?" That's just honoring the fact that your friend is counting on you, and respecting the fact that, given a little notice, your friend might just be able to get someone else to help with whatever it was - or not, whatever. But at least you won't be hanging your friend out to twist in the wind.

11. Listen to them. you don't have to agree with them - just listen to what they have to say. Make sure they are talking too and you are not just running your mouth. Some people don't really find it interesting listening to someone talk about their feelings 24/7. If you're monopolizing every conversation with your feelings, they aren't getting anything out of the friendship. Invite them to share their hearts with you as often as you share yours with them.

12. Don't abuse their generosity or "wear out your welcome" If your friend does something nice for you, then reciprocate. Money doesn't have to be an issue. Don't use your friends! Don't let them pay every time you go out, even if they offer. Don't help yourself to things at their house without asking, unless you are willing and they do the same at your house. No one wants to be friends with a moocher or feel used. If you borrow something from a friend, take good care of it and then return it without being asked. Also, if you end the friendship then you should return any gifts they bought for you, especially if they gave you any gifts under false pretences. It's proper etiquette.

13. Live by the golden rule. Always treat a friend as you would want to be treated. If you don't there will be repercussions. Don't do or say anything to them that you wouldn't want done to you. Be there for them through thick and thin as long as they are a TRUE friend to you. Also learn to forgive, and apologize.

Tips

· If you are somewhere where there is a celebrity, get an autograph for your friend.

· Make sure your friend doesn't have to spend a birthday alone. You can hold a party for them (even a surprise party if you can keep a secret) or take them out to dinner and pay for their meal.

· Have fun. It's not all about bleeding hearts and advice to the lovelorn - or at least, it shouldn't be. Decorate your friend's locker on his or her birthday, have a spa party, host a sleepover, whatever. Join activities with them.

· You don't have to spend a lot of money to be a good friend. The best gifts are often hand-made and come from the heart.

· Don't set too many expectations and rules. That's just trapping others in your dimension. Allowing your friendship to evolve and change naturally is really best - it allows your friend to be as unique and individual as you are, and for both of you to enjoy one another in that light.

· If someone is in any difficulty and he/she behaves in a way that's very hurtful to you, then don't be angry and try to understand their problems.

Warnings

· Don't be needy and greedy by taking up all your friend's time. This could get extremely annoying and irritating. He/she will WANT to get rid of you if you become needy. Relax and trust in your friendship, and allow each other the freedom to be with each other, or with others, or just alone.

· Don't hang out with somebody because you're both "nerds" or you're both "geeks" or "gangsters" . You don't have to hang out with people just like you. Sometimes the weirdest friend combos make the best of friends. Any person can transcend stereotype be the most wonderful person you've ever met in your life - keep your mind open and form your own opinions.

· If your friend doesn't treat you the same way, get rid of them. If you treat them well, there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't expect the same treatment. Don't stay with a friend who doesn't treat you well.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

How to Accept Criticism While at Work

So you just finished what you thought was a great project at work, and now your boss is listing all the things you need to improve upon. Don't get discouraged; constructive criticism is a key part of any job. Through this article, learn how to accept criticism and do your job as well as possible.


Steps

1. Accept that you are not perfect. If you begin each task thinking that nothing will go wrong, you're fooling yourself. You will make mistakes, the important thing is to learn from them.

2. Double check your work. After you've finished, and before you submit it to your supervisor, be sure you've gone over everything carefully. This can help you to avoid silly mistakes and ensure that your boss won't have to bother you about minor problems.

3. Don't take it personally. If your co-worker has criticism for you, remind yourself that it doesn't necessarily mean s/he doesn't like you, or that you're not good enough for the job. Your co-worker is simply trying to ensure that you do the best work possible.

4. Listen carefully. If you ignore critical comments, you're doomed to repeat the same mistakes. Take notes and continually remind yourself how to fix the problem. This step is the most difficult, as it can mean that one must "suck up" one's pride and admit one's responsibility in one's work-related errors.

5. Don't hold a grudge. Staying angry/upset about criticism can affect your future work. Put the mistakes out of your mind and focus on doing the best job possible on the next task.

6. Clear the air. If you're upset with how your co-worker criticized you, let him or her know as soon as possible, so there are no lingering bad feelings between the two of you. Explain why it upset you, and suggest changes that could be made to strengthen your relationship.

7. Accept the fact that others may see something that you don't. Even if you don't agree with the criticism, others may be seeing something that you are not even aware of. If they say that you are negative or overbearing, and you don't feel that you are, well; maybe you are and you just don't see it. Allow for the fact that others may be right, and use that possibility to look within yourself.


Positive Ways to Accept Criticism

Do you hate being criticized even when you know you've made a mistake? If so, it's no wonder -- criticism can make people feel incompetent, angry and just plain awful.

How do you, personally, respond to criticism? Do you make excuses or lash back with criticism?
"This fight-or-flight response is natural and common, but it isn't very productive. It cuts off communication, often just when it's needed most," says Jean Lebedun, Ph.D., author of the video program "The Art of Criticism -- Giving and Taking."

Many supervisors don't give criticism in a tactful manner. Nevertheless, you should accept criticism so you can learn from your mistakes. But don't fret; it'll be easier when you use Dr.
Lebedun's "4-A Formula -- Anticipate, Ask questions, Agree with something and Analyze."
Anticipate

Accept the fact that everyone makes mistakes and that you'll probably be criticized for yours.

That way, criticism won't come as a surprise.

Here's another way to anticipate: Take the wind out of the sails of criticism by admitting your mistake first, before your supervisor has an opportunity to say anything to you. This makes your supervisor's job easier and makes you appear more professional.

Ask

'What can I learn from this criticism?' Then, whenever you feel yourself growing defensive or getting angry, you repeat the question 'What can I learn?'

Agree with something

When faced with criticism, most people focus on the part of the negative feedback that may not be true and ignore the rest. This doesn't solve any problems, and you don't learn anything.

When you agree with one part of the criticism, you become open to learning. An easy way to agree is to say something like this: "You might be right; my Pro Act skills were not how they should be."

"You don't have to agree with everything; even agreeing with one small aspect of the criticism will create an atmosphere of teamwork, The focus then can become how you'll work together to solve a problem, which will lessen your feeling of being attacked."

Analyze

Finally, take a break and evaluate what you've heard.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

How Long is This Going to Take?

As for exercising and not seeing instant results, lets all take a deep
breath, then repeat after me: "It just takes time." If a person
has spent the last 20 years not exercising and not eating well,
they cannot expect two weeks on a treadmill to turn it all around.
Ah, but who amongst us does not do this? It can take a long time
for the effects of a sedentary lifestyle to be turned around, but
if during that time consistent good habits are put into action, good
things are going on inside as well.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) work for wei.ght loss when we
apply it to our day-to-day struggles, fears, doubts, and our
anxious thoughts like, "how long is this going to take." When I decide
to start or get back to my healthier habits, I'm already checking an
hour or two later to see if I can tell a difference. We all want it
now.

Get Your Mind Off the Scale

How much you weigh has little to do with how you look. We're too
fixated on the magic number. If I let the number on my scale bother
me I'd be a basket case since I can gain seven pounds in a day or
two just by eating the right (wrong?) things, especially salty
foods. When we moved to our new house I noticed I had gained some
weight and thought, "I'm eating the same, so what's the deal here?"
Then I realized the truth.

When we moved my regular exercise routine suddenly stopped entirely.
I had been riding my bike 50 minutes six days a week with four days
a week in the gym. At the old house my office was upstairs and I was
up and down those stairs probably 20 times a day.

Now everything was turned upside down. My office is on the main
level, so I'm no longer going up and down the stairs constantly. The
gym is in the basement but I only visit it once a day, not many
times.

I didn't get back into the consistent routine of riding my bike until
a few months after the move, and I didn't get back to consistent
weight training for awhile after that. So, yes I probably was eating
about the same but my energy needs had decreased, yet my food intake
hadn't.

So, in nine months time I put on seven pounds (that included the
holiday season). Normally I don't gain weight over the holidays but
that year I did because the added food plus decreased activity was
all it took. Take a look at what you do all the time -- have you
added something small but potentially dangerous like dipping into
the cookie jar every time you walk by it?

If I'd been fixated on the scale, I may have just thrown my hands up
in despair over that weight gain. Oh, my God, this is horrible and now
I feel awful so I'm going to eat something to make myself feel better.
I'll start a diet on Monday." I know better though because I've been
here before (and likely will revisit it again). We're never done until
we're dead. Accept the changes then do something about them.

Today I'm back into a steady routine of movement, and the weight is
coming off. I'm satisfied with that progress. It may take a couple more
months, it could take six, I don't care - I know what I'm doing is what
will make the difference, and if my weight suddenly changes despite the
exercise and despite eating well, then I'll look at the medications I'm
taking, or my stress levels, or whatever else might be going on.

Use EFT every single day on whatever is going on in your life, and
it will become easier and easier to become healthier every day. It
takes time to regain health so give yourself that time.

"Even though I wish I could lose this weight faster, I deeply and
completely accept myself and I accept that it takes time."

"Even though I don't want to wait to see a result, I deeply and
completely accept that I'm in a hurry and I want it now."

Remember too that exercise doesn't have to mean sports and it
doesn't have to mean horrible boring movements you do in front of
the TV. It can mean baking bread (kneading dough is a wonderful
exercise), hanging laundry out to dry (I know most people don't
think of that as fun, but hey, movement feels good), washing the
car (again, yuck, I know, but wait -- don't you feel invigorated
after you do "chores?" I know I do. Turn every chance to move into
your "idea" of exercise. Hold that full sack of groceries out in
front of you and lift it up and down a few times as you walk toward
the house. You just exercised your back muscles (and arms too). It's
all good and it all counts.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Cleaning up Stinking Thinking

In my mad rush getting ready this morning I realized I was chanting,
"It shouldn't be taking this long. I should be able to get things
done quicker," and other things relating to my current work, getting
this month's newsletter completed, and other things. As soon as I
realized what I was doing with my "stinking thinking" I changed my
thoughts to, "How could I streamline this process?" and "What could
I do to make this easier on myself?"

Asking better questions gets you better answers. Your brain loves a
puzzle. When you feed your mind nothing more than whiny, why me
questions, you'll get back nothing more than justifications. You'll
tell yourself this is true because that happened, and that always
happens because this is true. It's a vicious circle that helps us
get nowhere fast.

Far better to simply catch yourself when you say something negative
and rephrase it: "Why can't I eat like everybody else?" becomes
"What can I eat that will make me feel great?"

Remember there are literally millions of people trying to lose some
weight. You are not the only one struggling with this issue, so stop
thinking in terms of other people somehow having it easier or better.
It's simply not true. Sometimes it will be easy to change your
questions and other times you may have to really stretch your
imagination to come up with something. It's so easy to be negative
with ourselves, and far more difficult to think up good questions,
isn't it? Work at it, and it becomes easier.

My point? We all use negative self-talk regularly, me included. As
much as I pay attention to this, and generally don't use it in
regard to myself or my appearance, I still catch myself doing it,
and when I do I think of another thing to say instead. That ends the
mind chatter, and gives your brain a question to ponder that could
produce a good response. "What can I do today to make myself feel
really good," is going to give you much better ideas throughout the
day than, "Why do I always have to do this?"

Make an effort to catch yourself in any negative self talk and then
do some EFT on the original question. For example: "Why can't I
eat like a normal person?" becomes "What can I eat that will make me
feel great?"

"Even though I can't eat like a normal person, I deeply and
completely accept myself."

"Even though no one else has it this bad, I deeply and completely
accept myself."

Remember we state the negative in the EFT phrasing because you want
those electrical pathways (neuro pathways) in your brain to be
firing in the exact manner they do when you think these thoughts. By
saying the words, "Even though I" and stating exactly what you
believe or think that causes you trouble, your brain fires the
neurons in a specific pattern. EFT knocks this pattern for a loop,
and then, often-times the pattern cannot replay in exactly the same
manner. That is why you'll feel less intensity on an issue right
away -- the path has been blocked, swept away. Do this repeatedly on
a stubborn problem, and many times it will eventually knock that
train right off its tracks, never to run again.

You'll still be able to think of the problem, you won't suddenly
develop a memory blank. The thing will still be there for you to
think about, but you'll no longer feel any energy attached.

So today's EFT for the issue I brought up in the beginning of this
blog is:

"Even though I think it shouldn't take so long, I deeply and
completely accept myself."

"Even though I know other people can get things done faster, I
deeply and completely accept myself."

"Even though I don't always finish what I start, I deeply and
completely accept myself."

Friday, January 9, 2009

Breaking the Evening Eating Habit

Wouldn't it be great if you could read just one Daily Bites tip and
suddenly your evening eating habit would vanish? What if it were
that easy? Would you be ready and willing to make that change, if you
knew it were possible?

Think about that for a moment: What if you could change a habit, simply
by changing your mind? Our minds get stuck in possibility loops, much
like we tell ourselves we're not good at math, or hate board games, or
don't like vegetables or ... what are your identity beliefs? Once you
decide you are ready, then you can

Break The Nighttime Eating Habit

Are you an evening eater? Would you like to break the habit, once and
for all? If the answer is an unqualified yes, meaning you do intend to
end this habit, right here, right now, not tomorrow, not maybe someday,
but now, then read on. If you're not quite ready, then wait until you
are and pull this out again then.

Before you begin, realize breaking the evening eating habit (or any
habit) doesn't mean you can never eat in the evening again. It means
you'll no longer believe you don't have control and you can choose
once in awhile (even once a week, but not nightly) to eat in the
evening.

Now examine your pattern for running the Evening Eating Routine.
Tonight, immediately following dinner (or your last meal) start taking
notes, writing down your thoughts, what you do, what you say, what
you think, what you feel. Write down as much as you can, as this will
give you important clues into your actual pattern. Dictate your
thoughts if that works better for you.

Example of Steps to Change a Habit:

FIRST: Name the habit: Eating in front of the TV from 8:00 PM until bed.

SECOND: List the steps:

1. After dinner, I wash dishes, and already I'm thinking about snacks
for later.

2. I wrap and put away leftovers, mentally noting when I'll eat them.

3. I put away the other things and notice what's in the kitchen for snacks.

4. I tell myself I'm not going to eat anything else tonight.

5. I go out to the living room and sit down in my usual chair.

6. I decide what shows to watch, and talk with my husband.

7. The first commercial comes on about burgers or chicken or something
to eat and I start feeling a gurgling in my stomach.

8. I think to myself that I couldn't possibly be hungry already.

9. I tell myself, "No, I'm not going to eat."

10. Another commercial comes on, and I'm getting up out of my chair, and
asking my husband if he wants anything from the kitchen.

11. My husband says, "What are you going to have?"

l2. I think, Oh, I wasn't going to have anything but I don't want him to
be disappointed, so I think of something to offer him. "How about ice
cream?" Now, he's smiling, he's happy, I'm happy, I go to get HIM some
ice cream.

13. While spooning out the ice cream, it looks so good, so creamy, so
lickable, that I try a small spoonful. That was good, so I give him an
extra big bowl full, then I think, a small amount won't hurt, so I start
to give myself a small bowl full, then I think, that doesn't look like
much, so I eat spoonfuls while I keep adding to the bowl, eating,
adding, eating, adding, now it looks like there's not much left in the
carton and so I put that in my bowl. Mine looks a little oversized so
I eat a bit off the top to even it out.

14. I carry both bowls to the living room, deciding which to give my
husband. He says, "Thanks, honey," and I say, "You're welcome."
I'll start my diet tomorrow.

Sound familiar? Who'd have thought there were so many steps? How to end
this cycle of insanity? Easy, use EFT before, during and after the first
sign of trouble. You can do the EFT while you're taking notes, or take
notes tonight, and then do the process tomorrow. The more often you do
the exercises the easier it gets to *remember* to do it, and that's
when the fun begins.

In the example above, the first sign of trouble was while doing the
dishes; thoughts were already starting about of future eating. Have
you done that? You're full from a big meal, but thinking about the
next already?

LASTLY: Put your EFT plan into action. Tonight, when the first thoughts
of snacking start, try the above. You can have it later if you still
want it.

Setup: "Even though I always eat after dinner, I deeply and completely
accept myself."

"Even though I can't stop eating after dinner, I deeply and completely
accept myself."

"Even though I want to eat after dinner, I deeply and completely accept
myself."

Round 1: Eating after dinner
Round 2: This remaining eating after dinner problem

Note: If you aren't yet familiar with EFT and this is all nonsense to
you, just get the materials and get started (links below).

Breaking Habits Takes Effort

Habits are not hard to break but they do take effort. You are used to
doing something in the same way, time after time. When you attempt to
change what you are doing, your brain will object--it wants things to
run according to plan. Your brain is not especially fond of change,
but it's happy to create any new habits, if you give it a chance.
Once the new habits have become the norm, your brain will work to
protect those as well.

While you're breaking the eating at night pattern, you may experience
what feels like hunger. Go ahead and experience it. You won't pass
out, it's not painful. Just experience it, and write down any thoughts,
or tap right then and there on them:

"Even though I don't think I can resist eating, I deeply and
completely accept myself."

"Even thought it feels like I'm starving, I deeply and completely
accept myself."

"Even though my stomach is gurgling, I deeply and completely
accept myself."

"Even though I can't do this, I deeply and completely accept myself."

"Even though I can't stand this feeling of being hungry, I deeply
and completely accept myself."

Learning to feel "hunger" and simply experiencing it can be an
enlightening experience. If you think you can't do it, do a round of
EFT on that thought ("I can't be hungry, it's too painful"), take a
deep breath, a few sips of water. Sigh, roll your shoulders, loosen
the tension.

Then re-rate your desire, and do another round of EFT. You can eat
after you're done - it's okay - but do the EFT, and continue doing
it until you either reduce the desire or you just plain decide
you're going to eat anyway.

How Long Will This Take?

Continue using EFT on the Evening Eating Habit for the next week
(seven full days), at least three times a day. You'll know when
you no longer need it because the idea of eating at night out of
habit will no longer make sense to you. You'll start enjoying a
snack occasionally, and not having anything on other days.

You'll notice the idea of eating pops in your mind, but it's
somehow different now. You'll notice something has shifted, changed,
but what is it? You'll even try to see if you can get back the old
familiar feeling, but you might not be able to do so.

What you'll start to notice is your desire is lessening. It's true.
Give it a try. EFT works well enough that you may find your desire is
diminished but you still want to eat anyway. That's okay, it's justanother aspect to tackle, i.e. eating as an activity.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Balance in Daily Living

We all have busy lives. It's easy to get caught up our day-to-day
existence and forget that there's more to life than car pools and
work hassles. When we get out of balance, things tilting too far
to one side or the other, the whole thing can collapse, leaving us
stressed and upset, leading to ... food.

One thing that helps is how you frame events. Instead of seeing
things that need to be done as a drudge (how I used to hate
having to go downstairs!), and find a way to see the opportunity.
Yes, I said it. Opportunity. Every time you move around, it
counts as exercise, so next time someone asks if you exercise
regularly you can say, "Yes, I certainly do. I make beds and
clean floors and carry groceries."

Chores are opportunities to move, stretch and bend. Changing
your thinking turns something unpleasant into something fun (sort
of anyway). Laundry for me means up and down stairs, dishes and
making beds bending and stretching. All of these chores become
something I not only don't mind, but something I consider a good
and useful part of my day.

Before the modern conveniences like washing machines and microwave
ovens, people seemed happier going about their daily lives. There
was less stress, less noise, less pressure. You'd set it up to
talk to others while you chopped vegetables (there was no food
processor). I think there was more laughter too.

I was asked to shell peas once and I remember reacting like I'd been
asked to work a chain-gang. "Ah, Mom! Do I have to?" I sat on the
back porch, feeling sorry for myself and staring at the magnificent
view of Mt. Hood, and I realized the chore was actually quite
pleasant--not that I'd ever have admitted it to mom. Quiet time,
working with your hands can be very worthwhile, soothing, even
therapeutic, if you let it.

Consider your daily chores--are there any opportunities to change
the way you view these necessary parts of your day?

Think of a chore you aren't fond of doing, and see if you can
turn it at least into something you're willing to endure for
the sake of some exercise. For instance, I'm not fond of vacuuming.
It's cumbersome and heavy, and I'm not the one who dirtied the floor
anyway (this is my ongoing rant). We have hardwood floors so there
is very little vacuuming to be done, but soon we're moving into a
home with carpets. What then? I'd better do something about my
attitude toward vacuuming fast.

The vacuum is loud, so it's not a job for commercial breaks on TV
(unless you live alone), or my favorite cleaning time of very early
morning. It is definitely good exercise--in fact just getting the
clumsy thing out of the closet is probably what I most dislike, so
maybe rearranging the closet to ease the burden would be a smart
idea.

Next I'll decide how often I want to do the job because for me, I
know I get things done when I have a plan. Ever try EFT on a task
you don't want to do? This is your chance to see if EFT works for
changing your attitude about chores, just like it can change your
mind about your food and eating habits.

Gary Craig who originated EFT said pinpoint specific incidents for
best results. So perhaps if I go back in my memory to specific
times I either vacuumed and didn't like it, or was told to vacuum
and didn't like it, that would be helpful. I'm not remembering
anything specific so I'll start with, "Even though I hate to
vacuum, I deeply and completely accept myself."

Tap continually on the karate point or sore spot while saying the
complete sentence, three times through. Then while keeping it in
mind (with a shorter version, such as "vacuuming") or remembering
a specific event, start to work through the tapping points, tapping
on each about six or seven times, then moving to the next. There is
no right or wrong cadence--just go with what feels "right" and it
will be.

After going around once, I do remember being younger and not wanting
to do my Saturday chores (which coincidentally included vacuuming),
so for another round I'll choose, "Even though I hated when my mom
told me what to do, I deeply and completely accept myself."

I still don't like being told what to do or being bossed around, so
that is what I'll choose for my topic today. I like to pick one thing
for the day. If I only work on it once, that's fine, and if it's a
persistent problem, then I may work on it more often.

That is the point of these Daily Bites. If I address something that
strikes a chord with you, or just looks like something you think
is important, that's great! If my topic isn't something you can relate
to, see if it'll fit for something else.

I timed it to see how long it takes to empty the dishwasher and it
was less than two minutes, proving the complaining takes longer
than the doing. Try EFT for your chores and strive for finding more
balance in your daily living.

Monday, January 5, 2009

WHAT IS EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)?

The Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a group of powerful processes that can help just about anyone to achieve genuine freedom from the emotions that have created problems in their lives. These techniques have been described by some as one of the most important breakthroughs in the area of psychology in this century. They have been used successfully with thousands of people with a broad range of difficulties.


EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) is becoming known to many amazed users as a "modern miracle." It can dramatically relieve emotional disturbances along with many physical symptoms. It often works in minutes, its results are usually long lasting, and side effects are almost always positive.
EFT is versatile and has been used confidently by hundreds of therapists on thousands of clients with successes on even the most difficult problems, by relieving imbalances in their clients' energy systems. Drs. Phillip and Jane Mountrose have been using it personally and with clients and class participants for over decade, with consistent success.
THE ENERGY SYSTEM
Understanding how emotional healing with EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) works may require an open mind for many people. The effectiveness of EFT only makes sense if it is related to the human energy system. Fortunately, you don't have to believe any of this to receive the positive benefits of using these techniques.
In addition to having a physical body which is fueled by food, we humans also run on an intricate energy system which is fueled by electrical impulses that run through the body. This energy system holds the key to many of the disturbances we experience in our daily lives. When it is out of balance, our emotional life could be compared to a car that is in desperate need of a tune up.
The result may take the form of any type of emotional disturbance including phobias, anger, depression, grief, guilt, anxiety, and a full range of fears, to name a few. There may also be physical symptoms like pain, headaches, asthma and tension that are related to the emotions.
EFT provides relief from the majority of these disturbances. What is even better is that it often provides relief in minutes and the results are usually long lasting. In fact, it frequently provides relief where other techniques fail and has a high success rate, typically 80% or better.
HOW EFT WORKS
EFT is based on a revolutionary new discovery that violates most of the beliefs within conventional psychology. It contends that the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body's energy system. With remarkable consistency, EFT relieves symptoms by an unusual (but scientific) routine of tapping with the fingertips on a short series of points on the body that correspond to acupuncture points on the energy meridians. Where there is an imbalance, there is a corresponding blockage in the flow of energy through the meridian system.
The tapping serves to release the blockages that are created when a person thinks about or becomes involved in an emotionally disturbing circumstance. When this blockage is released, the emotions come into balance. Once balanced, the person cannot get upset about the circumstance no matter how hard they try. The memory remains but the charge is gone. Typically, the result is lasting and the person's awareness usually changes in a positive way as a natural result of the healing.
Most energetic imbalances may be partially or completely relieved within a short time using this process. Others may be relieved through repetition of the process. Some examples of energetic patterns that have been successfully cleared using EFT:
· Fears related to performance like public speaking, concentration, sports, etc.
· Phobias like the fear of heights, flying, enclosed spaces, driving, etc.
· Emotional trauma from war experiences, physical abuse, etc.
· Disturbing emotions like depression and anger.
· Emotions related to addictive patterns like eating and smoking
· Insomnia
· Emotions related to physical conditions.
SOME FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT EFT (EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUES)
How long do the results last?
EFT is generally long lasting. Physical healings are often impressive and long lasting as well, but are more likely to re-emerge than emotional issues.
Are EFT's results due to either placebo effects or distraction?
No. Placebo effects require some belief in the process and this is rarely the case for newcomers to EFT. Also, although EFT may appear to be distracting, it will not work if the client is, in fact, distracted. That is why the client continually repeats a phrase which "tunes in" to the problem.
Are there any negative side effects?
By comparison to almost any other process, EFT is quite gentle and rarely has any side effects. It is often used instead of other procedures, because of its gentle nature.
How does EFT use kinesiology?
Kinesiology (muscle testing) is used to determine negative belief systems one holds (sometimes unconsciously), which is called "psychological reversal."
How can I learn EFT myself?
Drs. Phillip and Jane Mountrose have written two books on the subject, along with demonstration videos and audios that guide you through the deeper techniques. You can purchase all of these materials at this website. To find out more about EFT books, DVDs and CDs click here.
WHY YOU MAY NOT HAVE HEARD OF EFT BEFORE
The use of this technique is relatively new and may be a part of the beginning of a complete revolution in the way we handle our emotions. In many cases, difficulties that have persisted in spite of years of work using the methods of traditional psychology may be relieved in minutes. If, not, relief is generally possible within days or weeks rather than years.
EFT was developed earlier in the 1990's by Gary Craig, whose academic training includes a Stanford Engineering Degree. While personal healing has been his passion for over 30 years, Gary is neither a licensed therapist nor a trained psychologist. Many of the concepts underlying EFT came from Gary's training in Thought Field Therapy (TFT) under the tutorship of Dr. Roger Callahan. TFT involves the use of 10 or 15 individualized tapping routines. EFT differs in that it employs only one comprehensive tapping routine which is used for all emotional and physical problems. Because of this, it is easy enough to be mastered by most people. Drs. Phillip and Jane Mountrose developed their Getting Thru Techniques (GTT) to help people more quickly identify the source of conflict and resolve deeper issues, and then apply EFT to clear the block
EFT Tapping Points





We start by tapping on the karate chop point. I use the tips of all four fingers of my right hand to tap the outside of my left hand. Use the same pressure you would use if you were tapping on a table to make a drumming sound. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. If you have long fingernails, use the pads near the end of your fingers to tap.

Next, we move to the top of the head and then we'll work down the body, making the points easy to remember.

Use the fingertips on one or both hands to tap the top of the head. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

The eyebrow points are located at the beginning of the eyebrow, nearest the center of the face. I use the index and middle fingers together, on both hands, to tap the two eyebrow points. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

The side of the eye points are located on the bone at the side of the eye. It's not so close to the eye that it feels like you're poking yourself, and not so far away that you are tapping at the temple. Using the index and middle fingers together, tap on both side of the eye points at the same time. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

The under the eye points are on the bone located under the eye about even with the pupils. Using the fingertips of the index and middle fingers, gently tap this spot under both eyes. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

Now tap under the nose with the index and middle finger of one hand. The spot is roughly midway between the bottom of the nose and the top of the lip. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

The chin point is not really on the chin; it is mid-way between the bottom of the lower lip and the chin, in that indentation area. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

The collarbone spots are located about one inch down and over towards the outside of where a man would tie his tie. I use four fingers together on each hand to tap the collarbone spots. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. An alternative is to pat both spots at the same time with the flat of one hand, with about the same pressure as you would pat a baby's back to help it burp.

The under the arm point is located about 4 inches below the armpit. I lift my left arm and use the four fingers of my right hand to tap under my left arm. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

These are the points in the short form of EFT that we will be using.

Additional tip: I often find that returning to the top of the head helps the round feel complete. You can end repeated rounds at any point. You can start at the eyebrow or top of the head. You can leave out points, too. Remember that the energy system is connected; each point you tap resonates throughout the system. I also encourage you to learn to use your intuition early in your use of EFT.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Health and Happiness - Self Test

First of all, examine yourself outwardly.

Look at your fingernails. Are they glossy? Do they appear nice and strong? How about your hair.

It should be shiny and full of body. Now look at your tongue. Does it have a white coating on it or is it pink? Next your eyes: are they bright or dull...do they appear to be happy eyes or worried or lackluster? Do your eyes have brown flecks in them? If they do, those spots indicate injuries or malfunctions within your body...depending upon the location of the fleck.

How about your skin, which is your largest organ. Does your skin have bumps, moles of various colors, liver spots of varying sizes? Whatever is represented on your skin is represented upon your brain as well (except the spots there are at least twice as large). Do you have any evidence of jaundice (yellowish skin or eyeballs? orange skin or eyeballs?). If so, your liver has overflowed and the toxins are trying to exit your body through your skin! Bumps on your upper arms indicate hormonal imbalance, bumps on your neck and/or cheeks show that your liver is challenged.

Let's consider your internal health.

How about your bowel movements? Do your bowels move after eating each meal or snack? (They should.) Do you have headaches? Are your headaches food related or stress related or reason unknown? Do you have digestive troubles: discomfort or pain or malfunction in your throat, esophagus, stomach, intestines, or rectum? Do you have parasite pain that you're aware of? (All of us have parasites, usually about 3 pounds worth...) Are you in pain anywhere else?

Do you have a good appetite for natural and wholesome foods or do you crave sweets and packaged or fast foods? Do you drink pure water more than you drink anything else? Do you drink too many hot drinks and have to go pee often? Do you have habits you'd like to be rid of?

Do you have repetitious thoughts that you can't stop?

Are you full of vibrant energy, waking up each morning ready to live creatively and relate well with those around you? Are you tired at all? Do you feel physically awkward or are you agile and self-confident about your body?

And think about how you relate to others as well as what you think about yourself.

Are you outgoing? Do you care about other people as a general rule? Do you smile as you walk?

Do you frown? Are you burdened about your future? Do you have fearful pricks or fearful jolts in your chest? Do they emanate all the way up your neck and out through your head? Do you have anything to be ashamed about? Do you feel free and pleased with life. Do you have enough time?

Are you trustful that you're doing well within your circle of influence?

What to do now. Take action.

You MUST consider what your self test has revealed about your outward health and your inner vibrancy. Where do you want to go from here? Do you want to address any of these issues...whether outward issues or inward physical issues or invisible spiritual type issues?

I hope you do. And I'll tell you right up front that I'm a big advocate of brutal honesty with one's self and with God. I talk out loud between me and God all the time. I lay it out very plainly for myself to hear at the same time I'm speaking to my Creator. Usually I walk in a place where I can be as loud as I want to and sound as crazy as I want to!

YOU do that too. I want you to address each shortcoming that you have, whether physical OR spiritual. Be transparent for your own sake. It feels so good to get it all out in the open. I think that's because honest exposure leads to the next step: making a plan, resolving the issue, finding needed relief. Admit to yourself what has been niggling at the back of your mind: you need help! you have some physical problems that need to be solved before they turn into disease...you need to find sweet spiritual peace and happy freedom right on the inside of yourself! You need to take care because it's just you and God alone in this universe. No one else really knows you and no one else is as responsible for yourself as you are. Don't let your life slip by. Take action!

If I were you, for part of my recovery plan, I'd check into therapeutic essential oils for my body and my invisible parts. The oils affect our emotions and our personality as much as they do our physical bodies. Who really needs these therapeutic essential oils?

people who lack energy at any time but bedtime

people who work in the public where they're exposed to germs

people who have back troubles of ANY kind

people who get worried and stressed

those of us who have small children

those of us who relate to one other person or a thousand others

those of us who need to pamper ourselves and relax

students

people of all ages, even little children and the very old

you, who have taken this self test and realize you have several different kinds of shortcomings

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Learning Healthy Anger Management Strategies


When treating or dealing with anger issues, there are many suggestions for anger management strategies. Each of them is intended to help people who are hot-tempered and frequently have fits of rage. Anger, although a healthy and normal response to upsetting situations, it can be intense to the point of violence. When a person experiences regular episodes of angry or reckless behavior, there's a problem, one that needs to be dealt with.
Anger management strategies are designed to help an individual return to a healthy, normal existence. Taking a time-out is considered a healthy management strategy. Removing oneself from a situation or person that makes a person angry is practicing time-out. This anger management strategy might simply require a ride in the car or a walk on the beach. Playing sports or working out will help an individual to use up some of the extra energy without involving others.
Some other suggestions for time-out are reading, listening to music or sitting alone in silence.
Each of these activities are healthy anger management strategies. A second example of a healthy anger management strategy is, owning up to the anger. Although the anger is usually brought on by an irritating situation or a confrontation with another individual, the anger actually belongs to the troubled person. Only the person who's experiencing the anger issues can control their outbursts. Only the person with the anger issues can learn anger management strategies and how to deal with their feelings in a healthy way.
When an individual becomes mad or upset they need to try to disclose the reasons for their anger whether it is hurt, fear, frustration sadness, confusion , jealousy or whatever seems to bring unleash the rage. Another healthy anger management strategy is to look back on those situations that upset an individual and try to find ways to make changes. Learning the cause of the anger may help the individual to avoid those situations.
Not only might the person learn to avoid these incidents but they might also choose to take what they've learned and attempt to deal with the situation without bursting into a frenzy.A fourth suggestion regarding healthy management strategies is to confront the situation or person. Talk to the person or people involved, calmly of course, to try to determine the root of the problem.
The angry individual might actually discover that the whole thing was a mix-up, a misunderstanding. The individual might also try asking the person or people in the situation to think about their behavior and perhaps even change it. It may be surprising what people would be willing to do to help the person who is attempting to deal with their problems with anger.
Hopefully everything will work out for the best. If not there has to be room for acceptance. Sometimes a person must simply accept the situations and people they cannot change and either deal with it or walk away. Learning healthy anger management strategies should be considered by those with anger problems. There are many books published regarding anger and anger management.
There is also a wealth of information available on the Internet for those who are attempting to deal with their anger by learning healthy anger management strategies.