Rewire Your Brain To Control Your Emotions, and Make Positive Life Choices

Do You Seem to Get Caught Up in the Same Old Reactions?

Have you ever blown up at your spouse only to realize-after the smoke cleared-that you might have over-reacted just a tad? Maybe you learn that you haven't been invited to your uncle's friend's sister's birthday party and you behave as if it's the slight of the century.

Sometimes even the most minor snafu can send us storming out of the room, slamming down a phone, or just shutting down entirely. It's like we just can't help it-the reaction is as automatic as a mallet to the knee.

Science Reveals It May Not Be Your Fault

New research indicates that these habitual, knee-jerk responses go way back to our childhood. As youngsters, we learned to adapt to our families' idiosyncrasies as a way of survival. Psychologists used to refer to these coping mechanisms as our baggage-but what science has now shown us is that these responses are actually hard-wired into our brains. And because our responses are so ingrained, they have become our filtering system for future incidents. In other words, if something happens today that the brain reads as being similar to something that happened in the past, it will respond as if it were the first time, even though you may be in your 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and beyond.

Bringing This to Life

For example, let's say a child comes from a home where the parents fight frequently. That child is going to associate yelling with bad feelings. In later years, if his spouse raises her voice, he's likely to shut down like when he was a kid-metaphorically running to his room, closing the door, and essentially blocking out the noise.

Does this mean if you come from a family of yellers you're doomed to hide under your bed every time someone raises a voice? Luckily, recent research indicates that the brain continues to grow throughout our lives-and old patterns can be released as new ones are formed in your boomer years..

Help Is On the Way

The way to managing your anger and knee jerk reactions is to establish new connections by refocusing your attention to a different outcome or possibility. But, before you can foster these new connections in your brain, you have to be aware of the old brain triggers.

When I try and distinguish whether someone's reaction is a past association, I look to see if their reaction to the situation is automatic and intense. Additionally, when I try and offer an alternative to why they're behaving that way, the person is resistant and reluctant to consider any other view or interpretation of the situation-other than their own.

In my practice, I work extensively with clients to help them rewire and rewrite their lives. Here is an easy exercise to get you started on rewiring your brain to control your anger and over-reactions that will bring about positive changes in your life-today!

1. Thinking of Alternatives:

a. When you're projecting your past experience onto a present one, try and imagine alternative ways to handle the situation. For example, let's say you have lunch plans with a friend-who cancels at the last minute. Immediately, you feel an overwhelming sense of hurt and rejection. Which is how you always feel in similar situations-indicating-voila-a past pattern! Be conscious of this and take a step back to recognize it.

b. Then, approach the situation from an entirely different perspective. Maybe you use humor to deflect the bad feelings, thinking to yourself, "Gee, I guess it's my deodorant." Or, you choose the direct approach and ask your friend if you've done something to upset her. Or, you take the practical route and figure your friend just overbooked, overextended, or over-promised-and give her a get-out-of-jail-free card. (Hint: If you have difficulty coming up with alternative ways to handle the situation, think about how someone else - your mother, a childhood friend, an admired acquaintance - might handle the same situation.)

2. Plugging in New Choices:

a. Now, replay the actual situation as vividly as possible-the phone ringing, the sound of your friend's voice, the awkward goodbyes-and imagine yourself carrying out one of your new solutions. Maybe you decide that being understanding of your friend's busy schedule is the best choice.

b. Replay the phone call and plug in your new behavior, the understanding you, rather than playing out your old behavior of feeling rejected and hurt.
Making it Last

Before long, you will begin to see a slight shift in how you feel. By doing this exercise again and again, you will refocus your attention on a new outcome. This will rewire your brain and make a new neural connection-a connection to positive change!

How to Get Everything You Want

I hear people often say things like, "It's great to be spiritually aware and peaceful, but I still feel there are things I want to achieve, have and do, how do I do that while still being mindful?”

Let me be clear, there’s nothing wrong with wanting more, it’s part of our abundant nature. It’s the thinking attached to the things we achieve, have or do that leads us astray.

Out of this, I've decided to give you a formula that is guaranteed to succeed for you when all 3 elements are in alignment with each other!

The Formula is:

You x (Thoughts + Actions) = Results/Outcomes

Or, Y x (T + A) = R

Interpretation:

YOU:
This is the most important part of the equation and involves you being still enough to know exactly what it is that you want. Most people will say they know what they want but in reality there’s so much happening around them that it’s just something that sounds nice, for e.g. I want a new car.

You need to be crystal clear on what it is that you truly want because without the clarity, you won’t have the focus required. So go into a quiet room, sit in a comfortable chair, close your eyes and ask the question, “What is it that I truly want?”If other thoughts come in, allow them to pass through and keep asking the question. You’ll know when you have the right answer because it will fill you with enthusiasm and excitement.

If no answer comes, then leave it and return to it tomorrow, spend at least 15 minutes with it each day until something comes.Remember, this is a critical step, the YOU part of this equation is the foundation and your thoughts and actions are surface structures, without a foundation all buildings crumble!

THOUGHTS
Once you’re clear on what it is you want, you need to be vigilant of what you’re thinking because the old conditioned (unconscious part) of you will probably not be comfortable with change and will look to sabotage efforts. This is where your mindfulness practice comes in handy, notice the objections that come up in you in wanting to change. In you noticing them, they lose their power to influence you.

ACTIONS
Action is the final step, unlike a lot of self-help tools out there that say action is the most important aspect of getting what you want. When the steps above are taken care of, action becomes a natural flow from that. You find that you’re actually motivated to take action because you’re clear about what you want and understand the importance of it. Action is only becomes work when you’re doing something that isn’t in alignment with what you really want. Action becomes a pleasure when it is in alignment with what you want and that’s something that a lot of people don’t experience yet.

Final Note, when the YOU is there, your efforts through your thoughts and actions are multiplied dramatically. This is what is missing in personal development models that focus on positive thinking and taking action alone.

How To Become The Successful Person You've Always Known You Could Be

Here is a quick recap on how to become the successful person you've always known you could be:

There is a "secret" to allowing yourself to be massively successful. The problem is, the Three Percenters (the people who are unconsciously allowing themselves to succeed) can't tell you what it is – for the precise reason that they are doing it unconsciously.

What really causes human behavior is your internal Why-To's and Why-Not-To's – the reasons you perceive why to do something or not do it.

The reason you're holding yourself back from the success you're perfectly capable of has nothing to do with learning more "how-to's" of success. It has to do with uncovering your internal Why-Not-To's of ALLOWING YOURSELF to be massively successful, and then taking steps to allow yourself to succeed.

Holding yourself back from success is a Why-To/Why-Not-To problem. And you can never solve a Why-To problem with a "how-to" solution.

Traditional success programs give you "the How-To's of success". While this isn't "wrong", trying to solve a Why-To problem using a How-To solution is like trying to put a nail into a wall using a chainsaw.

That's why millions of people and organizations are spending BILLIONS of dollars a year on every "how-to succeed" program out there, but most people still feel stuck.

If you want to get your foot off the brake for good, you need to stop spending your hard-earned money on the How-To's of Success, and start focusing on your internal Why-To's and Why-Not-To's of Success. Doing that will produce far greater results in much less time than years of working harder on all the fine "how-to succeed" programs out there.

Growing Up Does Not Mean Giving Up

Remember your first kiss? How wonderful it was? Even though you had butterflies in your stomach, and your heart raced a mile a minute, it was such a memorable experience. What about that first thrilling ride on a roller-coaster or blowing out all of the candles on your fiftieth birthday cake?

Those moments just takes your breath away, and they warm your heart and rekindle your spirit.These cherished moments are the fuel for our fire. They are the soothers for our souls and the band-aids for our emotional wounds.

Without these unique, extraordinary experiences, we would not be who we are today. And, we would not be where we are today. Each of these fond remembrances is like a distinct fingerprint in our minds. They are special - no two are alike, and they identify specific momentous times. We merely need to close our eyes and tap into our memory banks to be reminded of the wondrous impact these memories have on our existence.

More often than not, we need these reminders of our past to help us see our future. Each and every act in our lives happens for a reason, and they all lead us to something greater. We just need to learn to read our life’s map.To help us understand and master the ability to read our map, we should incorporate faith, positive energy, happiness, confidence, peace and motivation into our normal routine.

These attributes shape our thinking and behavior. They are the drivers for our journey in life. They help to keep us whole, grounded, and on our way to bigger and better things. Without them, we can become hollow, confused, and lost.And as with everything else in our life, we must engage and interact with our drivers to see profound results in our careers, relationships, and personal development. We need to feed the drivers and make certain that they don’t ever fade. And our memories are a wonderful source of nourishment for them.

Yet, another way to cater to our drivers is through inspiration - a consistent well of stimulation and encouragement. And an inventive, good source of incitement can be found on motivational desktops. These free motivational wallpapers represent each driver in stunning forms. The inspirational quotes provide a sort of legend, or key, to help us decipher our maps. The combination of art and words show an individual where they are, where they’ve been, and where they have still to go.

By maintaining reminders of the people we love, the accomplishments we’ve achieved, and the goals we are ascertaining, in plain view, we are exercising our drivers and launching them to new heights. And these motivational desktops are ideal tools to guide us along the way. They allow us to truly keep what’s important in sight.If we can hang on to those little motivational treasures, our minds and spirits can take us anywhere.

For some of us, our memories may not always be great, but they are ours to own. And from them, we can generate the desired outcomes. As we continue on our voyage through life, we are surely to create more memories and experiences, which we can later add to our glorious life maps. The essential part of growing up is knowing that you don’t necessarily have to give up yourself to obtain the things that you want.

Find Out The Secrets for Discovering your Life's Mission

Identify whether or not you have the support you need to determine your true life's purpose. The greatest obstacle for personal growth is a dysfunctional or abusive relationship. If we don't have a larger awareness, we end up frozen in habitual patterns.

Take a few moments to find out whether or not you have the right support system. Do you have a supportive friend or spouse to encourage you to live to your fullest potential? If you are already a multi-millionaire and have the most supportive partner or life mission coach, you won't need to read this article.

What are the common problems we face to pursuing our life's mission?

In the best sense, intimate partnerships urge us to open our heart, while at the same time maintain our own individuality. Many couples married for three years or more stop seeing the magic, delight and gentleness in one another. If one partner wants a career change or starts their own business, the other may sabotage their partner's efforts at pursuing a degree part-time or getting a small business off the ground. The partner in pursuit of their life mission is happy and excited about creating more wealth, time and freedom to enjoy with their family.

Does your wife or husband encourage you to explore new horizons?'To enter into "relationship" with another is to seek their essence, or truth. Yet most of us, very quickly loose that ability to "relate" and seek the truth of our partner; We are too busy seeking to 'be right' for ourselves.

Truth has many faces – Being Right has one very rigid one, allowing room for no one else. We must be very careful in our relationship with all; Do we seek truth or to be right' - Kimberly Herkert

I love this quote by Kimberly, a life mission teacher. Ask yourself if your partner is flexible or rigid in support of your mission and life's passion.

I am sure you have heard the saying. Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results is called insanity. If yourdesire to start a business or have a career change is not supported by your spouse, you may have to make a relationship change. If you are in a new marriage and have young kids, it maybe traumatic to separate from your spouse and pursue your life mission because your kids will grow up in two separate households.

This may sound drastic, but maybe it is time for a divorce. The second alternative is to stay in a dead marriage where your life mission efforts are sabotaged. You hate your job and everyday you slip deeper and deeper in depression until you see a doctor and take drugs to numb your depression.

"Relationship can lead either to sleep or awakening." - John Welwood

Is your relationship leading you to sleep or awakening? If the answer is sleep, have you considered couples counseling? The third alternative if you don't want to divorce and stay in the relationship to work things out is to seek body centered somatic therapy. The word therapy for some people brings shame and guilt.

Give yourself a break. Taking care of crying babies needs, while trying to support your partner and at the same time go through a career change can overwhelm even the best of us. So have some compassion for yourself.

Relationships require these virtues: generosity, humor, gentleness, compassion, selflessness, patience and the ability to be present. If your marriage is worth saving, it definitely is worth spending $100 to $500 an hour for however many hours necessary to heal each other's wounds.

Most people have no problem spending thousands paying for divorce lawyers.

When you work on repairing your marriage you might have strong feelings of frustration, or wish that a certain situation wasn't happening. These feelings happen when our needs are in conflict with the other partner.

You may want to spend a quiet evening after you have put your baby to sleep to talk about starting your own business or going back to school to change careers. Intentionally bring mindfulness and discernment to such moments. We can acknowledge our feelings of anger, resentment, frustration and also our feelings of empathy and understanding. So instead of getting angry at your baby or partner for not listening to you, maybe it is time to hire a babysitter and go out to a quite restaurant or café shop to have that talk with our spouse.

How to find the support you need?

If your spouse or partner will not support you on finding a career change and you don't want to deal with the emotional turmoil of divorce. You can:

1. Hire a life mission coach.

It maybe necessary to rent an office or buy a trailer and have your life mission coaching sessions away from home. So there are no crying babies and other unexpected distractions that could get in the way of you drawing up a game plan to start your new profession or business.

Every Failure Is An Opportunity In Disguise

As much as we would all love to live an easy life with endless resources and finances, most people might admit that life would be pretty monotonous if there were no obstacles or failures.

Evidence of this might be seen by watching the celebrity gossip television programs, where the rich and famous of Hollywood seem to bounce from one crisis to another, seemingly bored of living the good life. How many times have you watch such stories in the news, and thought what you would do to benefit humanity if you could have their vast resources of wealth, power and influence. How many times have you been puzzled when trying to understand their mindset?

Success begotten without any hard labor or without crossing any insurmountable barrier is hardly remembered even by the most successful people. To compare it with something which we experience every day, we would not value sunlight if it was not snatched by darkness of the night. While no one in this world is spared from ill fortunes and his share of bad luck, disappointments and failures, what separates men from mouse is the individual ability to deal with failures.

While some succumb to their past rejections and present failures, some rise above it and strive harder to perfect their processes to achieve success. The second group always visualizes the entire spectrum of life – with its due quota of ups and downs and sees every failure as another opportunity thrown at them which has the potential of future success. This relentless pursuit of happiness and success despite all the hurdles which might come in the way, eventually take these people high on the ladder of accomplishment. The people who are tormented at the sheer thought of failure, past or present, are usually left behind. What is it that makes successful people look beyond their set backs and re-set their goals with renewed enthusiasm and vigor?

Here are some of the ways by which people can achieve this skill:• Treat the past as over and future as illusive. This means that you have to act for the present moment, which is all that you have in front of you. If you let your past failures come in your way of thinking positively for the future, you would be perennially haunted by what obstacles may occur in future.

The key is to treat any set-back as an opportunity to improve the way you do things. Once you start believing in what the present is offering you, you tend to be more focused on making the most of your opportunities. • Believe in yourself. We all know about the rejection which Graham Bell faced from the scientific community when he invented a new way in which we could communicate.

If Bell had given up on his belief and resigned to his failures, we would have perhaps never reached this far as we have today in the field of communication. Failures, negative criticism, set backs are all intrinsic part of success. If you believe in your ideas and can firmly stand by it, you can look at every failure on its face and see the sun that shines behind the barrier. The talent or ability to take every failure in the stride is an important asset in any organization. It is really the leader’s responsibility to coach his employees and team members the importance of remaining steadfast in their approach to achieve respective career and personal goals. Set backs would come and go and would continue to do so, so long as you are involved in some kind of activity in life.

There is a saying that when it rains, it pours. Nothing can be truer than this saying, when it comes to being flooded with set backs. Where we go wrong is that we fail to notice the silver lining around the cloud. Motivational Magic is a mindset that gives special attention to building and reinforcing this type of thinking. People are given the tools to develop a more positive outlook towards life and to go beyond failures with a smile and head held high.

The whole idea is to derive new enthusiasm from our adversities. Reaching deep within to tap into an inner power that you never worked with ever before. Reverse the negativity, and let us not turn the whole adversity experience into a vicious cycle where we perform sub-optimally in the face of adversities to invite more failure. If you have tried hard, try harder this time pushing down all the adversities which hinder you and success could be round the corner.

Overcoming the adversities of life can reward you with an exhilerating feeling of strength and accomplishment. While most people run from adversities, the true leader embraces adversity and uses it as a slingshot to propel themselves forward. Mount Rushmore was inspired by such leaders, incredible men who accomplished amazing feats by harnessing the power of adversity.

Allow your adversities to unlock your greatest opportunities for personal achievement and extraordinary accomplishments!

Enthusiasm

Some excerpts taken from "The Tough Minded Optimist" Norman Vincent Peale

I have read many books about self-confidence, self-esteem, positive thinking and the like. Almost all of them touch on the subject of Enthusiasm. It is a word that has one definition that means "Filled with God". I think that is important for many reasons but most importantly as Christians we tend to think that anything to do with developing our mental health is not as important as our spiritual life, when in fact the two are very closely related and work together.

As believers we should get full of God and stay that way! It will affect every are of our lives.Enthusiasm is a force that can work for you and its absence can work against you. The human mind and spirit works much like a magnet. It attracts certain things and repels certain things. In order to attract the blessings this life has to offer and the success that all people desire
whether they are honest enough to admit it or not you have to charge your mind and spirit with certain elements one of which is enthusiasm.

Enthusiasm is a skill that requires effort and practice. It is more than just being happy. You have to work at it to develop it. Enthusiasm is actually spiritual in tone and content so it is more than just how you feel at any given moment. It is an inner strength; an inner discipline that causes one to look at the positive in the midst of any situation and see the good. This will release the drive to carry you over every obstacle you face. It keeps you going when the going gets hard.This may seem complicated but you can make yourself an enthusiastic person regardless of your personality!

It is really as simple as THINKING ENTHUSIASM, TALKING ENTHUSIASM AND ACTING ENTHUSIASTICALLY ON A DAILY BASIS! When you affirm this regularly it will get hold of you and take over within you!Take hold of this principle. Say this affirmation daily: " I think enthusiasm, picture enthusiasm, practice enthusiasm!"This is based on a simple psychological law: There is a deep tendency in human nature for us to become precisely what we HABITUALLY IMAGINE ourselves to be. As a man thinketh in his heart so is he....(Prov 23:7)

As I mentioned previously almost everything I have read or been taught on the subject of personal development, achievement and success addresses the subject of Enthusiasm. It seems to be woven throughout the teachings of every successful person and mentor that I have read after or studied under.What I have learned is that enthusiasm is much more than a principle to live by but it is truly a lifestyle that can be cultivated to the point that it becomes a part of you.

It is a zest for life and living that spills over into everything that you do and influences those around you. It is a genuineness of spirit and a sincerity that cannot be masked behind a facade of selfish motives. It is a heart felt love of life and people that will attract good things and good people to you.

My mother is one of the most enthusiastic people I have ever known. She has a pureness of spirit and a genuine happiness that I sometimes envy. She is always content to be with her family and she always sees the beauty in everything in life. She sees beauty and wonder in even the simplest of things. She is always there for her family and friends. She is loyal, dependable and trustworthy and would do anything to help another person if it is within her power. She is a wonderful mother.

My purpose in saying all of this is more than just to honor my mother, even though she is worthy of such honor, but to spotlight genuine enthusiasm. A love for life and living that I believe that every person can cultivate if they so desire.

One way that you can begin is to get a sheet of paper and begin to list all of the things that you are thankful for. No matter how difficult your circumstances may seem there is always something to be thankful for. You are alive-start with that!!! Make a practice of this. Being thankful to God for everything good in your life. As you do this daily you will begin to get excited about life again.

Being enthusiastic will start to become second nature to you. I realize that this is very simple but I think the world is tired of complicated solutions. Jesus used simple examples in all of His parables. Honestly folks, this life is easier than we make it!!!Think happy thoughts. Life is full of negative, unhappy influences. Go out of your way to make other people happy.

Hey there's a radical idea! Do something unselfish and see how you feel! Life is about more than you or me. It is about expressing love toward a world of lost and hurting people. You can't save them all, but do what you can! It won't necessarily be easy but persevere. Keep at it until it takes over.Practicing this will begin to affect every aspect of your life; your job, your marriage, your relationships, your children - YOUR LIFE!! Go for it! You will begin to attract success and repel failure.

Discover Why You Need to Learn the Basics Before You Try to Use the Law of Attraction

If there is a mystical power in the universe which could bestow great things on you, it may be the Law of Attraction. This will manifest you joy, riches, and physical & mental health. You just need to recognize how to utilize it. Some basic principles of the Law of Attraction can assist your progress.A significant principle of the Law of Attraction is that what you think about becomes reality. What you think about is energy, exactly as the whole universe is energy. Whilst you contemplate your world, or merely let ideas enter your mind, you are determining your reality.

You achieve this by way of the Law of Attraction. The energy you transmit attracts comparable energy. The universe then reacts to your feelings by returning the energy. This occurs for positive or negative feelings.Another foundation in understanding the Law of Attraction is that it's too challenging to monitor each one of the many thousands of thoughts which you have each day. The intention, rather, should be to nurture a feeling of well-being, joy and gratitude. This will achieve more than attempting to alter every thought one by one. Feelings are crucial to the Law of Attraction.

One guiding principle of those using the Law of Attraction is thus: 'life is intended to be happy and fulfilling'. Unfortunately a lot of people believe that their lives will be nothing more than stressful work situations, miserable relationships, bad health, and a stack of debt. Unless these folks alter their attitudes, they will never discover the abundance that they can bring forth using the Law of Attraction.There can not be a deficiency of anything which you desire if you employ the Law of Attraction. This is a further basic principle of the Law of Attraction. It signifies that there is plenty for everybody to have and to achieve what they desire. This is particularly so as many people want particular things and others want something different.

The Law of Attraction, states that what you desire is always possible. One construct of the Law of Attraction can be expressed like so, "what you get is what you see." The meaning in this instance is when you see an outcome, you will vibrate with energy based on it. If you see positive & good results, you will transmit good energy.This energy comes back to you in the shape of more positive results. So, to achieve positive results, you must find a means to see positive in situations. If you see bad, more bad will return to you. Conversely if you see good, more good returns.

This is how the Law of Attraction operates. The idea of asking for specific things is a component of the Law of Attraction. When you ask the universe for what you wish for, you can have it. To achieve this, you must have faith in the universe to deliver. Then, you must assume it as if you already have it. Then you'll discover the Law of Attraction bestowing all sorts of fine things on you.The Law of Attraction can be both complex and simplistic at the same time. You need only ask what you desire and you will receive. Yet, to do that with faith, you must work on to restructuring your complete way of thinking. To achieve this it is beneficial to study the principles of the Law of Attraction.

Big Ego Identities

“Big ego is lack of trust in your own soul.” ~ Lauren Brownell (Vermont Artist)

We all know exactly what people mean when they describe someone as having a big ego. They are describing someone who is very self-referenced and self centered, often with mind-bending hubris, and perhaps someone who thinks we should worship gratefully at their feet. For some of us, a big ego may call to mind the “big ego anthem” You’re so Vain by Carly Simon. (On an ironic note-it was rumored to be written about Warren Beatty who I happened to say hello to last Saturday. He was warm and friendly. No trace of ego!).

When we talk about this type of ego, we aren’t using Sigmund Freud’s definition of the ego. In his seminal work, he defined three aspects of the self: the ego (the core self), the superego (the conscience) and the id (the primitive and impulsive self). In our current vernacular, we talk about a big ego in the way that A Course in Miracles describes the ego.

In Marianne Williamson’s classic A Return to Love, she writes, “In Course terminology, our entire network of fearful perceptions, all stemming from the first false belief in our separation from God and one another, is called the ego. The word is used differently here than the way in which it is often used in modern psychology. It is being used as the ancient Greeks used it-as the notion of the small, separated self.”

When anyone is running around with a big ego, we can be assured that the person is operating from fear. Whenever I think I have found the person who is the exception to this truth, I invariably find out later that in actuality they are fearful. Having an exaggerated ego is the same mistake as thinking you are unworthy or not enough. Both the “too much” and the “not enough” perspectives are generated from fear and the idea that we are separate from God. I was speaking to my brilliant friend Lauren last night and she casually said “Big ego is lack of trust in your own soul.” Wow! In other words, having an exaggerated self identity is a smokescreen. It is really about not trusting (fear) in the Divine. For someone with more of an atheistic or agnostic perspective, this fear might come from lack of trust in love or fear concerning the natural order and the inherent organic patterns of life.

The really good news about this big ego awareness is that we can be more forgiving of those who are operating from fear and consequent big ego identity. If we are honest with ourselves, most have us have done at least a little ego posturing. Because we were fearful, we created a façade.

Let’s remember to forgive our sisters when they are tempted to use this same defense mechanism. Of course, it can be very challenging to be generous of spirit when we are thoroughly annoyed. However, this challenge may strengthen our spiritual muscle. It may help to put into practice the belief that many of us share; that the personality “layer” is really only part of our outer packaging.

The deeper truth about our selves and others is the soul or spirit that lies within. My experience has been that when members of the big ego brigade feel safe enough, which must include not being judged by us, they will soften and step into a much more balanced, relaxed and honest self identity.

Are you Emotionally Wealthy?

You heard me right. I mean wealthy, not just healthy. Therapy is not just about mental illness, it is about mental and emotional health and in my book it’s about emotional wealth. I believe we are all capable of emotional wealth. What are the hallmarks of the emotionally wealthy person?

Look at the following characteristics and descriptions. See how many you answer “yes”.

• Are you emotionally strong?
• Are you passionate?
• Can you grieve deeply and love fiercely?
• Can you tolerate fear and overcome it?
• Can you channel your righteous anger into right action?
• Can you use your petty anger as a mirror for growth?
• Can you tell the difference?
• Are you living with your whole heart and soul?
• Can others lean on you without breaking you?
• Can you maintain your equanimity when things go right, when things go wrong, when things get boring and when things get chaotic?
• Are you honest with yourself and others about your feelings and beliefs?
• Can you tolerate disapproval and disappointment?
• Can you face your dark side: greed, envy, jealousy, shame, anger, fear, intolerance, laziness, judgment, and superiority? And can you embrace your dark side in order to transform it?
• Can you sit still with your impulse to act and move when you feel scared or stuck?
• Can you handle your emotions without stuffing them through food, alcohol, smoking or other addictions?
• Do you give your love to another freely and without strings?
• Do you receive love openly and defenselessly?
• Do you face pain with courage and fortitude?
• Can you love fully even though doing so involves the risk of loss?
• Can you set and keep boundaries even in the face of disapproval from others?
• Can you generate right action even when you are tired, lazy or scared or depressed?
• Do you genuinely like yourself most of the time?

These are some of the hallmarks of emotionally wealthy people. None of us is perfect, and I have yet to meet the person who could do all of these things all of the time. When clients seek therapy, however, they take away from it many of these characteristics. They become emotionally wealthier and these benefits last a life time. For many, this is the most important thing they get from counseling. If you answered no to some of these questions, consider how much richer your life would be if you could answer yes to all of them.