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Thursday, July 16, 2009

Been Dumped? Relax, already!

This post was written obviously for the women but I think men can take something from it as well...

So you've been dumped. It's happened to all of us, at one time or another. Still, this is a case where 'misery loves company' doesn't quite apply. It hurts. A lot. It may require some effort to learn to be alone again. But there are things you can do for yourself to make it easier. First step is: be kind to yourself. Even though it feels like amputation, ditch every reminder you have of the relationship. Seeing things that remind you will only make it harder to get over him.

Discard the love letters, Valentine cards and the CDs. Whatever reminds you of the guy, get rid of. If he gave you valuable jewelry, sell it. Better yet, throw it into the nearest body of water, whether it's the ocean or a river-- the physical act of throwing his things away will free you, really it will.

Then, relax. Relax? When your heart feels as if it's been through a blender? It's really not as difficult as it sounds-- trust me on this. Doing sweet, romantic things for yourself will help ease your heart and mind. For instance, draw a nice warm bath for one. Light a few candles, brew a steaming mug of chamomile tea and turn on some lovely music (just not 'your song'). Something instrumental, without words, is just the thing. Add a generous spill of essential oil such as lavender or rose to your bath for an even more relaxing time. Roll a thick towel into a nice neck pillow and climb in.

Every time that 'he' comes across your mind, push him away with better thoughts. If you find this difficult to do, simply count backwards from one-hundred. Whatever it takes to displace thoughts of the jerk that dumped you-- do it. Indulge your favorite fantasy, as long as it doesn't involve you-know-who. Lather up with the most expensive soap or bath gel you can afford; this is the time to totally treat yourself, and well. Skip shaving your legs, unless this is something that you like to do just for yourself.

This is a good time to be absolutely selfish! Sing out loud, as long as it's nothing romantic. "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair" is a good choice, if you know it. And if you don't know it, fake it. Scrub yourself all over with a long backbrush, loofah or natural sponge. Enjoy your beautiful body and nevermind the idiot who left it. Remember that you're an exquisite woman and you will be loved again. No hurries, though-- realize that this is a time of solitude, not loneliness. As you soak in the soothing, fragrant waters let your mind wander, as long as it's not toward memories of him. Lavish yourself with love 'til your toes wrinkle, then dry yourself with a thick, warm towel.

Now, caress yourself slowly with an indulgent body-butter or lotion. Enjoy yourself completely.

Give yourself a good deep foot massage then slip into a pair of warm, snuggly socks. Brush your hair slowly while reminding yourself what a lovely, valuable woman you truly are. Above all, keep relaxing, gentle thoughts in your mind.

The old adage 'time heals all wounds' really is (as most old adages are) true. Each day that passes will be easier and easier until finally you will laugh that you every thought 'he' was worth your time. Be your own best friend and love yourself completely. Face it. Fellows come and go, but we're with ourselves forever.