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Saturday, February 28, 2009

How to Be Outgoing

Being "outgoing" isn't really that hard. Even the shyest people can accomplish being outgoing. Being outgoing really helps with your social life! But how can I be outgoing? You might ask. So, here's a how-to on how to be outgoing!


1. Build up your confidence. Hey, what's the problem about meeting new people or giving your opinion? Everybody has good qualities and should share it with the world. Think of your qualities, and I'm not talking about superficial qualities like your looks, I'm talking about inner qualities like honesty, intelligence, or kindness.

2. Feel comfortable. Always be clean, shower, brush your teeth and try to look nice, even dress in clothes that make you feel good and comfortable. This makes you feel more free and confident to interact with people.

3. Go out more often. Go walk around the street, see people, what they do, how are things around you, forget for a while your problems. You have to have interest in people.

4. Smile more often. Everybody feels attracted to people that smile, start to smile more often at people, even at strangers, it will get them to think you're friendly and they'll warm up to you more, even if they don't know you.

5. Speak louder. Try to speak in a louder voice, so you will even feel more "free". You can start by being loud with yourself, a good way to start your morning is yelling "GOOD MORNING" out loud. Well, people at your home may think you're crazy, but it is a great way to start being louder. But if people want it quiet, yell "good morning" with a pillow on your face.

6. Speak to random people in the street. It may scare some people off to even think about talking to strangers and being seen as weird. But it's nothing to worry about. Just go out your house and speak to random people in the street, simply smile and say "Hi!" or greet them saying "Good morning." Doing it is good because it gives you more confidence and easiness to talk to people, and it even gets you to meet new people.

7. Just talk. Yeah, it's easier than you think, people tend to worry about talking because they think "what am I going to talk about with that person?". Outgoing people don't even think about it, they simply go up to people and just speak their mind.

8. Listen to people. You can't just talk, talk and talk, or people will think you're self-centered. Talk, speak your mind, but also show interest in people, let them know you care. But don't pretend to be caring, you have to actually listen to them, make eye contact and give an opinion, because if you're giving an opinion, it is because that matters to you. And people will feel grateful and will like you more if you show you're truly interested in what they say.

9. Voice your opinions. When in a discussion where people are all voicing their opinions, LISTEN, so you'll know what they are talking about. If you don't know, don't be shy, simply ask a few questions to know more about it, and when you start to understand the subject, you can voice your opinions, tell people what you think about that subject, and don't worry if someone has a different opinion, everybody has the right to speak up, and people will look up to you more if you aren't afraid to voice your opinions.

10. Meet at least 1 new person everyday. Simply speak to them, smile and be yourself. Also talk to people you don't normally talk to, strike a conversation with them and be friendly, smile!

11. Read the news! Don't just stay stuck at home with nothing to do. Surf the net for recent pieces of information and then keep that in mind. If you find yourself stuck with nothing to say when you're with friends, bring out those topics. You may end up with a heated debate!

12. Set a goal to be outgoing every day. Make it specific: "I will make at least 2 new friends today."

13. Get out of the house! The easiest way to become more outgoing is to just leave the house. This is also the biggest step. Once you can overcome it, you will find out that being outgoing is fun, and a lot of times healthy.

14. Get a group of friends and regularly go out. Go to a park, beach, club, bar or any other place you think can be fun. Try to go somewhere you might make new friends!

15. Start to talk to random people. If you feel terrified by the thought, try by just smiling and saying, "Hi". Not only will this help you in the long run if you are shy, but you will also meet new friends.

16. Do the unexpected and surprise other people around you. They will view you as funny or "cool" depending on how you do it. Making witty comments in class can work, but don't overdo it.

17. Make personal hygiene a top priority. That means shower, shave, brush, and keep your face acne free. This will give you the confidence to get out there.

18. Just be friendly! Don't hide yourself and voice out during discussions. There's no need to be that shy...

19. Don't overdo being loud or acting weird. People will find you as being obnoxious...and that's just not cool

20. Be funny and laugh a lot. This makes the person think you have a sense of humor which is a big step in how to become outgoing.

21. There is only one thing to keep in mind --- be yourself! Don't try to change who you are, be confident in yourself.

22. Trust yourself


· It's best to start becoming outgoing with a friend, or a group of friends.

· Smile more. It's great, because usually people return your smile. This way you might be able to spark some conversation.

· Try giving compliments to the person or people you want to talk to. By doing this you can start a good conversation and PLUS! you can make new friend(s).

· If you're in school, try "table hopping" (going to different tables) at lunch.

· If you're just starting out, from a shy/sensitive person, then rejection/insults hurled at you can be devastating. In order to feel more comfortable, try to gauge the situation ahead of time - if you're about to go start a conversation with a loud group of girls, you're likely to find some of them nasty, and they may insult you, but just shake it off, and try again. Use your newfound confidence!

· Watch your posture. If you stand up straight,you can build more confidence, and it would be a little easier to talk to people.


· Be responsible and don't harass people.

· Don't be too so called "outgoing" as many people may view totally strange things as just plain weird and avoid you.

· Don't be too kind to everyone, some people will take advantage of you.

· Do things at your own pace, don't force yourself into social situations if you don't want to. There's nothing wrong with being alone.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

How to Be Optimistic

While being skeptical can be a healthy way to avoid getting taken advantage of, being pessimistic - that is, always assuming the worst - can have major negative consequences on your life. Seeing only the negative aspects of any situation can cause you to miss opportunities, neglect problems that need to be solved, and fail to take action that would otherwise improve your relationships and quality of life.
Optimists, who are so much more at peace with the world, train themselves to look for the light at the end the tunnel. If you've always had a pessimistic worldview, it can be difficult to shift your focus, but it is possible to start seeing the glass as half full. Not half empty.
1. Let go of the assumption that the world is against you, or that you were born with a gray cloud over your head. It is an assumption that has no basis in reason or science. To believe that the universe or a spiritual entity has singled you out and shifted the world order just to make your life miserable is both self-centered and illogical. Be humble and stop pretending you've got the world all figured out. Sometimes bad experiences lead to good experiences, and you can't predict the future, so you can't assume it'll always be bad.
2. Look for the source of your pessimism. Deep-rooted negativity can often be traced to childhood experiences, when growing minds observe their circumstances and make presumptions about how the world functions. If all you saw growing up were disappointments, betrayals and failure, it's no surprise that now it's what you expect from the world as an adult.
Sometimes we pick up a flair for pessimism from a parent who made negative assumptions about the world somewhere along the line. Either way, the sooner you can attribute your pessimism to a unique set of circumstances rather than the state of the world itself, the easier it'll be to change your perspective.
3. Understand that the past does not equal the future. Just because you've experienced pain or disappointment in the past does not guarantee that it's all you'll experience in the future. There were many things in your past that you couldn't control, and everybody comes across unfortunate circumstances at some point in their lives - you're no exception. But there are also many things in life we can control to one degree or another, and therein lies the possibility of change. A day or week that starts badly will not necessarily end badly. Do not make a bad start turn into a self fulfilling prophecy for a bad ending.
4. See yourself as a cause, not an effect. You don't have to be a product or a victim of your circumstances. Stop thinking about what is happening to you and start thinking about what you can make happen. If you're not happy with the way your life is now, set goals and move on.
Use your past negative experiences to build character and make better decisions, instead of letting pessimism turn you into someone who avoids risk at all costs. Sometimes it is necessary to take risks to receive rewards. Moreover, taking no action is taking an action. It is better to play to win rather than merely to avoid losing.
5. Accept pain, failure and disappointment as a part of life, not the entirety of it. Life involves taking many risks every day, and not all of them will end positively. That's what defines risk. But the flip side is that some actions will lead to good results, and it's generally better to have a mixed bag than to have nothing at all. Ideally, the good stuff will outweigh the bad, but you'll never reach that point unless you put yourself out there and hope for the best. When in doubt, remember Lord Alfred Tennyson's words of wisdom:I hold it true, whate'er befall;I feel it, when I sorrow most;'Tis better to have loved and lostThan never to have loved at all.
6. Be thankful. Everyone has something to be grateful for. Make a list of the good things that have happened to you. If nothing instantly springs to mind, you aren't trying hard enough. The key to being an optimist is recognizing the benefits and possibilities of any situation, and understanding that it could always be worse. If all else fails, think of how life could be worse, and flip the thought process to recognize what you do have. For example: "I'm flunking out of school" can turn into "Well, at least I have a chance to go to school, and I still have time to turn my grades around." Get a notebook and a pen and write down all the good things that you have. Every time you are feeling negative, read through them and remind yourself that it's not all bad.
7. Use positive affirmations. Write down short statements that remind you of what you're trying to change about the way you see the world. Put them in places where you'll see them every day, such as on your bathroom mirror, the inside of your locker, on your computer monitor, and even taped to your shower wall. Some affirmations to start with are:
- "Anything is possible."
- "I create my circumstances, my circumstances don't create me."
- "The only thing I can control is my attitude towards life."
- "I always have a choice."
- "Look at the little things in life that are good and it will make your life a WHOLE lot better"
8. Remember that life is short. When you feel pessimism clouding your judgment or you start to feel down about the future, remind yourself that every minute counts, and any time spent brooding guarantees nothing but less time to enjoy whatever life might have to offer. At its core, pessimism is impractical because it causes you to spend time dwelling on things that haven't happened yet and aren't guaranteed to happen, and it prevents you from getting things done.
Pessimism breeds indecision. It's a waste of time, and time is a limited resource that you can't afford to take for granted.
9. Be a balanced optimist. Nobody's suggesting that you become an oblivious Pollyanna, pretending that nothing bad can or ever will happen. Doing so can lead to poor decisions and invites people to take advantage of you. Instead, be a rational optimist who takes the good with the bad, in hopes of the good ultimately outweighing the bad, and with the understanding that being pessimistic about everything accomplishes nothing. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best - the former makes you sensible, and the latter makes you an optimist.
10. Keep a List of Motivational and Inspiring Quotes. There are so many brilliant and well-spoken quotes, lyrics, sayings, anecdotes and hyperbole present generally throughout history along with the same that specifically target your personal tastes. You have a certain song that you feel speaks to you? Search for the lyrics and check it out more in depth, perhaps you can pick out a couple great lines, write them down. Maybe during a particularly tough day someone mentions some saying that gives you a rare boost of motivation, write it down. For example some 'fortune cookie' ones:
- Even the longest journey begins with a single step
- Life has a way of reminding one that it can be worse
- Until one understands the low and darker side of life, the appreciation of the awe-inspiring highs will remain stagnant

· Look happy. Studies have shown that putting a positive expression on your face can actually make you feel happier and more optimistic about the future.
· Practice by conveying these ideas to others. If you hear someone being pessimistic, counsel them based on these steps. Sometimes it's easier to understand a perspective if you explain it to someone else first.
· Always make the effort to try and find something good in every bad situation. It may be relatively minor in the scope of things, but there is always something positive to be found. It may seem silly at first, but as it becomes a habit, you will see that your attitude begins to change.
· Make a list of the things you want, imagine yourself already having them, and use the subconscious mind to put your optimism to work.
· Actually the world doesn't look down on you; your mind plays tricks so you think it does. Never let anything look worse than it is. It always has a way of getting better. Smile and don't let little things bother you..
· Get good sleep. When you're tired, your day can suck and that's doesn't help you be optimistic! Get good sleep and your day can be good, and you'll have another day of your life to be happy about

· Avoid negative people. If you can't avoid them, learn how to not let them get you down.
· Don't let your negative feelings control you.
· Don't confuse pessimism with depression. Depression can make everything look worse than it is.
· You can only change you. You can't change other people.
· While it is true that you create your own circumstances, accept that the past is the past. Don't let negative circumstances trigger irrational guilt.
· The past is the past. It's over. It's done. Let it go.
· Realize that it's not about what happens to you, it's about how you react to what happens.
· These steps are important because you can't always rely on other people to make you happy. After all, you won't be with other people forever, you'll be with yourself forever.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

How to Be Okay With Being You

Often enough, you find yourselves in situations where you are intimidated by people who are either overly well presented or are simply 'better.' Sometimes, this might lead you to think you aren't good enough. This is only true to a certain extent: after all, there is always room for improvement, nobody's perfect.


1. If you aren't the prettiest or the smartest or the most charismatic person you know, that's okay. As long as you know you're okay with being 'un-pretty' or 'un-smart,' there is nothing wrong with you. If you do feel there is room for improvement, go ahead and make the necessary changes. If you don't think you look your best or do well in tests because you don't make an effort, make an effort and notice the change. If you aren't satisfied with the change, ask yourself two simple questions:

- Are you happy with who you are? If yes, then there's nothing to worry about. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what you think. If you're okay with you and you've done your best in whatever it is, you should be quite content.

- Have you given yourself enough time for improvement? Miracles don't occur that often, you know. Give yourself time for improvement, you can't expect to be the best without letting everything sink in. It all takes time.

2. Build your self -confidence. You can't be okay with you unless you're confident. If you are confident, you'll be okay with being the way you are. You can build your self-confidence by getting out more- if you're shy or quiet, take part in a few activities and get to know people.

This will help you improve in the particular activity over time and simultaneously give you confidence that you're good at something. Always stress on what you're good at and strive to improve when you feel like a failure.

3. If things get really bad, talk to someone about your not being okay with being you.

Chances are you probably need a shoulder to let it out on. Friends and family are always there, you know.

4. Remember that no matter how you try, you cannot ever be the "best" at everything to everyone. There is no way. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. So be happy and confident with yourself, don't change for anyone, and love yourself. If you love yourself, then the people who really matter in your life will love you too, no matter what.


· Read self-help books to gain additional background theory on self-improvement or self-esteem.

· Try to communicate more with people that you see everyday. Suddenly you'll feel much better about yourself and others will see you as really natural person.


· Don't be over-confident or conceited and expect to be okay with yourself. There's always room for improvement. Pick on your bad points and improve. Moreover, stress on your good points and move on with your life.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

How to Be More Appreciative

We live in a world full of abundance. Most of us have access to everything we need and much of what we desire. Yet many people are very dissatisfied with their lives. Instead of getting into the never ending cycle of always wanting more and being critical of everyone, try a little gratitude.

1. Start saying thank you for everything, time, gifts, service rendered, assitance, kind words, everything.
2. Make a list of things and people you appreciate and make a concious effort to regularly show your appreciation for them. Add something new to this list everyday.
3. Volunteer. Spend time at your local elementary school, library, homeless shelter, soup kitchen, nursing home, or hospital. Give blood, be a mentor, clean up your neighborhood park. Just do something that is for anyone but yourself on a regular basis.
4. Know that if you are lucky enough to have electricity and indoor plumbing, try to do without it for one full day. No cheating, you still have to find a way to do laundry, cook and clean.
5. Understand that you regularly go out to eat, buy convenience foods, treats, even bread, or if you have help around the house, spend one week learning and doing it all for yourself. I guarantee the next time a waiter brings you a basket of bread that you had to wait a couple extra minutes for, you will feel more grateful and appreciate the work it took to get it to you.
6. If you have your own personal transportation, or live on a bus route, try walking everywhere for a few days.
7. Realize that if you find yourself being overly critical of people around you, make a mental list of their good qualities and the things they do that you appreciate (i.e. maybe your boss is not always nice, but he pays you enough to keep food on your table and most likely enough to afford many luxuries)

· If you are trying to train children to be more appreciative or grateful, simply explain that you expect them to say thank you for everything. Then, when they forget, immediately take back whatever it was they were given, yes even food (although at meal time if they forget you may want to take it away for a few minutes then give them a chance for a do over)
· Remember that children's behavior is strongly influenced by your attitudes and actions, so make sure you are saying thank you and showing appreciation. With young children you may even want to blatantly point things out (i.e. boy aren't we lucky the garbage men take all our trash away every week, or "wow, it's so nice to be able to snuggle down into this nice warm blanket" or, "It sure is stormy out, aren't you glad we have a home to keep us dry and warm?" etc etc)

Friday, February 20, 2009

How to Be Kind

Do you bite someone's head off once they start talking? Or do all your friends describe you as too mean? Well here I will tell you how to be kind.


1. Be Happy (not phony happy). Before you can be kind to others you have to be kind to yourself. Calling yourself fat or ugly makes you feel bad and you may want to criticize other people.

2. Avoid gossiping/spreading rumors about other people. If someone is being mean to another person like calling them stupid or fat try not to join in or even stand up for them. If your friends are teasing or gossiping about a person, give a non-confrontational defense--such as "She's always been nice to me"--or steer them away from that conversation topic.

3. Be a good listener. When talking to someone try to listen until they are done.

4. Compliment people on something they're wearing ("Oh, I love your shirt." Or, "Your shoes are awesome."). Try not to get jealous; if they know you're jealous it can cause an awkward moment. If someone compliments you, say thanks and continue what you were doing or compliment them in return.(Remember this person is trying to be nice and friendly towards you, perhaps wanting to be your friend.)

5. Be yourself. Kind people always are themselves and don't care if they look dumb while they are doing something.(Like laughing so hard they can't stop.)

6. Start each day with a plan. Think of what you would like to see and do. Then think of someone who is lonely. Someone who, perhaps lives alone, and has no family. Ask this person to join you, in your plan for the day. Share your time with them, ask them for lunch. This might be the highlight of their week. Be happy by making others happy.

7. Offer to pet sit, when you know a friend is going on vacation. If you know a neighbor is sick, ask them if they need groceries, when you go food shopping.

8. Stop and talk to someone who is lonely, share a cup of coffee and pick up the bill.

9. Whatever you say, whenever you say it, do so in a calm, polite voice that is respectful to the other side.

10. Help, even if you aren't asked. You should look around to see if someone needs help and help them without prompting. It can be a simple thing, to help someone with something that he seems to have difficulties in or something you think he needs or will need. Whenever you can, try to help someone else. It could be at their work (or homework), at relationships and more. If someone asks you something, never dismiss them but try to be as helpful as you can, even if you don't do what they asked. You can suggest to another to do what they wanted or point out who can help them.

11. Make it a hobby to try every once in a while volunteer somewhere or do something really nice for other people.

12. Don't try to take credit when you're nice. There is a lot of satisfaction in watching someone do something because you've helped him when he doesn't know he's been helped.

13. Adopt pets, it is an excellent exercise at kindness, plus it is being kind to help an animal. You can even "adopt temporarily" by offering to foster an animal and help socialize it so that it can be permanently adopted by a family or other person.

14. Good thought--even you did not do anything, sending caring and compassion thoughts to others around is one kind of good deed.

15. If someone is upset, comfort them. Offer them gum and give them a hug. Ask them if they would like to talk about it. If they have fallen out with someone, hear both sides of the story before picking sides and do not annoy them if they want to talk in private.


· Don't think only of the short term. The kind acts you perform today may teach someone to do kind acts for others - they will learn by your example, and because they were the recipient of kindness.

· You might not like everyone, and that's normal. Even the nicest person on earth get annoyed! Just continue be polite nonetheless.

· When someone drops something, help them pick it up.

· If someone you do not know smiles at you, don't hesitate to smile back. It's a kind gesture.


· If someone compliments you on something that makes you feel uncomfortable try to ignore him/her. If he/she keeps bothering you, go to your friends for protection or if it is at school, tell the teacher.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

How to Be in Your Happy Place

Too stressed? Need some relaxation?Your happy place will help ease your troubles,and make you feel like you're ready to take on another day.Without using a map to get there,
here are some tips on, "How to be in your happy place."


1. Think of where your happy place is.. Where do you feel comfortable? What makes you happy? What do you enjoy doing with your time? Your happy place can be with a relative who has passed away, or you can be in a snow covered field surrounded by birds and trees. Think of what you consider to be "a happy place."

2. Relax your body by sitting on your floor, or wherever you're most comfortable, and start breathing slowly.

3. Inhale, wait a few seconds, then exhale. Repeat until your body feels at peace. Now turn your relaxation into thinking about your happy place. Now that you're relaxed, close your eyes, and think of your surroundings. Where are you? Who is there with you, or are you alone?

4. Remain still breathing slowly, think about the conversations that are going on around you. Listen to the way that your grandmother is laughing, or take in the aroma of your grandfathers stew. Think about things that you love, and the things that you miss.

5. Concentrate and act as if those people are really there with you. If someone hears you talking to yourself, dont pay any attention to it, keep your thoughts on where your happy place is.


· If you can't get away during the day to find your happy place, you can do this while laying in bed, the tub, or while taking a shower.

· Trying to find your happy place while doing dishes or cleaning the house may not relax you enough to find your happy place. Your mind will be concentrating on your daily chores, rather than happy thoughts.

· If it helps you, use photographs of your loved ones. Set them by you, to remind you of every little detail, their face, eyes, hair, even personality.

· If your happy place is on a beach, hold a sea shell in your hands while keeping your eyes closed. Picture yourself bending over to pick that shell up off the sand.

· Any little prop or memento will help you find, and be in your happy place, as long as you're relaxed and focused on where your happy place is, and that you are in that place with people and things that you love, and thoughts that make you happy.

· Often times it helps to imagine your loved one and go for a stroll in the park.

Monday, February 16, 2009

How to Be Humble

"In reality there is perhaps no one of our natural Passions so hard to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself...For even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility." - Benjamin Franklin

"It's hard to be humble," says an old country song, "when you're perfect in every way." Very few people, of course, actually think they're perfect in every way, but it can still be pretty hard to be humble, especially when you live in a society that encourages competition and individuality. Even in such a culture, however, humility is an important virtue. Learning to be humble is of paramount importance in most religions and spiritual traditions, and humility can also help you develop as a person and enjoy richer relationships with others.


1. Appreciate your talents. Being humble doesn't mean you can't feel good about yourself. Self-esteem is not the same as pride. Both come from a recognition of your own talents and qualities, but pride--the kind of pride that leans toward arrogance--is rooted in insecurity about them. Think about the abilities you have and be thankful for them.

2. Understand your limitations. No matter how talented you are, there is almost always somebody who can do something better than you can. Look to those who are better -- much better -- than you are in something to remember that you are not the best while also considering the potential for improvement. Also, even if you are the best in the world at doing one thing, there are other things--important, worthwhile things--that you cannot do, and you may never be able to do some of these things. Add to this the fact that there are a great many things that no person can do, and you can get some idea of your limitations. Recognizing your limitations does not mean abandoning your dreams, and it doesn't mean giving up on learning new things or improving your existing abilities. It does mean coming to terms with the very real limits of your abilities.

3. Recognize your own faults. We judge others because it's a lot easier than looking at our own faults. Unfortunately, it's also completely unproductive and, in many cases, harmful.

Judging others causes strife in relationships, and it prevents new relationships from forming.

Perhaps even worse, it prevents us from trying to improve ourselves. We make judgments about others all the time, and we often don't even realize it. As a practical exercise, try to catch yourself in the act of judging another person or group of people, and whenever you do, judge yourself instead and consider how you could improve yourself.

4. Stop comparing. Why? Because, it's just about impossible to be humble when we're striving to be the "best" or trying to be "better" than others. Instead, try describing things more objectively. Rather than saying that so and so is the best guitarist ever, say what exactly it is that you appreciate about his skills, or simply say that you like his playing style. Let go of meaningless, simplistic comparisons, and you'll be able to enjoy doing things without worrying about whether you're better or worse at them than others.

5. Appreciate the talents and qualities of others. Challenge yourself to look at others and appreciate the things they can do and, more generally, to appreciate people for who they are.

Understand that everybody is different and relish the chance you have to experience different people. You will still have your personal tastes, your likes and dislikes, but train yourself to separate your opinions from your fears and you will appreciate others more--you will be humbler.

6. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Never be afraid to admit that you made a mistake. Part of being humble is understanding that you will make mistakes. Understand this, and understand that everyone else makes mistakes, and you will have a heavy burden lifted off of you. Why do we make mistakes? Because we don't know everything. Any one person can know only the smallest bits and pieces of the tremendous knowledge that has accumulated over the past. What's more, we experience only a sliver of the present, and we know nothing of the future.

7. Don't be afraid to defer to others' judgment. It's easy to acknowledge that you make mistakes and that you're not always right. Somewhat more difficult however, is the ability to acknowledge that in many cases other people--even people who disagree with you--may be right. Deferring to your spouse's wishes, to a law you don't agree with, or even, sometimes, to your child's opinion takes your recognition of your limitations to a different level. Instead of simply saying that you know that you're fallible, you take action based on that fact. Of course, if you know that a particular course of action is wrong, you shouldn't follow it. On closer inspection, though, you may realize that you don't actually know this as often as you think you do.

8. Rejuvenate your sense of wonder. Because we, as individuals, know practically nothing, you'd expect that we'd be awestruck more often than we typically are. Children have this sense of wonder, and it inspires the curiosity that makes them such keen observers and capable learners. Do you really know how your microwave works? Could you build one on your own? What about your car? Your brain? A rose? The jaded, "I've seen it all" attitude makes us feel far more important than we are. Be amazed like a child and you will not only be humbled; you will also be readier to learn.

9. Seek guidance. Contemplate moral texts and proverbs about humility. Pray for it, meditate on it, do whatever it takes to get your attention off yourself. If you're not into spirituality, consider the scientific method or vipassana. Science requires humility. It requires that you let go of your preconceived notions and judgments and understand that you don't know as much as you think you do.

10. Think about yourself under different circumstances. Much of what we give ourselves credit for should actually be credited to luck. Suppose you graduate from an Ivy League university at the top of your class. You definitely deserve a lot of credit for the many hours of studying and for your perseverance. Consider though, that there may be somebody just as intelligent and hardworking as you who simply had different parents, grew up in a different place, or simply had the bad luck to make one wrong choice in life. That person - you, really - might be in jail now, or they might have been killed in a war or starved to death. Always remember that with a little bad luck yesterday, your whole life could be different today and, furthermore, that today could be the day your luck changes.

11. Help others. A big part of being humble is respecting others, and part of respecting others is helping them. Treat other people as equals and help them because it is the right thing to do. It's been said that when you can help others who cannot possibly help you in return, you have learned humility.


· Keep in mind that being humble has many benefits. Humility can help you be more content with your life, and it can also help you endure bad times and improve your relationships with others. It's also essential to being an effective learner. If you think you know it all, you won't be open-minded enough to seek out new knowledge. Humility is also, somewhat counter-intuitively, an excellent tool for self-development in general. After all, if you feel superior, you have no incentive to improve. Most of all, being humble allows you to be honest with yourself.


· Pretending to be humble isn't the same as being humble, and often people who pretend to be humble do it in order to seek out praise. Other people will recognize this, and even if you fool some, you won't derive the same benefits as you would through actually developing humility.

· Similarly, don't confuse being humble with being sycophantic (being overly-praiseful of someone for your own profit). This is a common misconception, but the two attitudes are completely different.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

How to Be Honest With Yourself

Due to circumstances beyond my control I am master of my fate and captain of my soul. — Ashleigh Brilliant

Today, at this very moment, what is your life like? Do you have a life plan, or are you, like most of us, simply flying by the seat of your pants? Time waits for no man - or woman. Figure out what is truly important in your life. It is the first step towards taking charge.


1. Choose a focus for your introspection. Good ones include goals, career, money, family, spirituality, and love.

2. Set some time aside for yourself. Get up earlier or later than your family, or find a quiet space where you can sit and think. Some people think better while doing some other simple task (such as laundry) or while walking. Find out what works for you.

3. Take stock. What is your life all about? What is your purpose in it? What are you good at? What could you improve?

4. Be objective. Self-reflection and assessment can be a very emotional matter, but try to be detached.

5. Be specific. What have you accomplished, why did you do it? What would you like to accomplish? What bothers you? Why does it bother you? What do you like about yourself?

6. Keep things in perspective. So you haven't won your Nobel Peace Prize yet. Neither have most of the rest of us. You're only human, and nobody, including yourself, should expect perfection of you.

7. Write things down. Putting something in words helps you to be specific. You can write in whatever way you feel comfortable expressing yourself, be it lists, notes, cartoons, drawings, or maps. If you're not a writer, consider talking into a tape recorder or recording your thoughts some other way.

8. Consider the good and the bad, both. One way businesses do this is with a "SWOT" diagram. Take four pages or sections of a page and write in them the following

- Strengths. What are you best at? What do you love doing and do just for the passion of it?

What do others compliment you on or tell you you're good at? Once you have these listed, consider how you can make them even better, or use them to your advantage.

- Weaknesses. What do you dislike? What doesn't work too well for you?

Focusing on the negative can put things into perspective. Once you have listed your weaknesses, you can choose whether to try to improve upon these areas or let them go. If it matters that you're not a strong swimmer, make plans to improve. If not, at least you know your limitations and can stay in the shallow end of the pool.

- Opportunities. These may go hand in hand with your strengths. At a personal level, an opportunity isn't just the potential to make money. Rather, consider where you could make a difference, satisfy your own needs (for instance, to create), or simply improve yourself.

Opportunities could be based on how you could use your strengths or how you could improve upon your weaknesses.

- Threats. What could undermine those opportunities, derail your hopes or sidetrack your success, whatever you define those to be? The purpose for listing these is twofold.

First, identifying them allows you to see them more clearly. The known is less threatening than the unknown. Second, it allows you to address those risks. Some risks are beyond our control, but many can be lessened or at least planned for.

9. Have an audience, if you are comfortable doing so. Find somebody to talk to. You'll feel really silly saying things that are not true out loud. If you're not yet comfortable talking to a person, choose a pet or stuffed animal, instead.

10. Ask friends whom you trust how they see you. Seeing yourself honestly is not always easy, and an honest assessment by somebody outside can help you to know if your personal assessment of yourself is reasonable.

11. Write a list of all the things you would like to do in the next five years, ten years, or before you die. Don't filter things out yet, just write as fast as you can think of things. If you prefer, write the list focusing on a particular aspect or question in your life.

12. Ask yourself questions, and answer them in lists, essays, or however you see fit.

Here are some examples:

- What is important in my life and what is simply dragging me down?

- What would I change about my life?

- Which individuals contribute to my happiness and which do not?

13. Commit to making a change. Tell yourself, it's my life, and if I am to remain happy and healthy, I alone must decide what stays and what goes.

14. Don't beat around the bush. Tell yourself the truth, even if the truth is bad. Remember that saying things that are true will help you fix them. Although sometimes it's hard to self analyze, admitting to yourself that you are jealous of someone is better than trying to deny it.

The truth may make you miserable at first, but later it will set you free.

15. Set goals. See the related wikiHows for details.

16. Take action. Put your plan in motion, confident that you are moving toward what you really want. Actions speak louder than words, so acting upon what you discover about yourself is a big part of being honest.


· Being honest does not mean being brutal. Everybody has shortcomings and difficulties. The best athlete or singer in the world could be a terrible writer. See an honest identification and evaluation of problems as a stepping stone to solving them, not as a reason to berate yourself.

· If you have enough objectivity and insight into yourself, and are honest with yourself, you might have to admit that your life is ordinary, and is only about living and getting by. There is nothing wrong with that, since this is simply a part of the human condition.

· Remember, there is no harm in writing something down. You can choose not to share it, destroy it, edit it, or simply keep it a secret.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

How to Be Happy With Yourself and Life in General

Are you unhappy because others label you, leave you out, or put you down? You are made of stronger stuff. You can be happy with whatever life brings you. Here's how.


1. Realize that many of the people who pick on you are jealous or feel inferior. What sort of a person would go around trying to pick on every little flaw, just to make you feel bad? Don't let it get you down. Don't retaliate. Just smile, take a calming breath, and walk away.

2. Think about the idea of karma. What goes around, comes around. Someone might be mean to you, but the bad feeling will find it's way back to them. Keep your own karma in good shape by being kind to others!

3. Write. Then write some more. Write any worries or negative feelings on a slip of paper, then tear it up and throw it away. You'll feel relieved, and as if you really have thrown your worries in the bin.

4. Labels are for losers. Hang around with everyone. Try not to give anyone or any group a label. Pretty soon you will realize that labels just give a preconceived notion about someone...not tell you anything about who they really are.

5. Take care of yourself. Eat and drink what's best for your body. Drink plenty of water and stay away from soda. Eat at least 5 portions of fruits and vegetables a day, and get a good nights sleep. Wash regularly and take pride in yourself.


· Be careful about how you talk to yourself. Remind yourself that you are an amazing person.

· Enjoy your own company. Do things in your spare time that make you happy. If you like being with yourself, chances are others will too.


· Worrying can't make the matter better. Write out your worries then let them go.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

How to Be Happy With Who You Are

Everyone in the world, big or small, size 0 or 22, Spanish, black, or white, can feel somewhat inferior to others. These things we tell ourselves, that we aren't good or pretty enough, are in no way based on facts. On this page, we will go through simple steps on how people can overcome any feelings of inferiority that they may face.


It's important to bear in mind that every human being in this world is different, and no two faces or bodies are the same. Your 'inferiority' as you may refer to it can also be seen as a unique or individual quality. What makes you feel these things are 'inferior' to everyone else? If there is no norm amongst human beings, how can there possibly be any form of inferiority?.

"I'm soo happy, oh soo happy, happy and free!"

Out of everyone you see, most don't care or know about how poorly you did on your last math test, or how you've gained a little weight since last summer.

If you have a complex about a specific body part, such as your arms, legs, feet, or hands, think hard about what exactly makes them 'inferior' to everyone else, and write this on paper if it helps. Seriously think about the logic of these things. You're not going to get stopped in the street for having what you think of as 'inferior' hands or feet.

What is it you fear will happen, upon the revealing of your inferiority to everyone else? Do you fear people looking, or making comments? These are all valid worries but bear in mind - everyone is different. Any comments you receive are invalid and must be ignored at all costs. It's absolutely certain there is something they think is wrong with them too.

If you find your inferiority difficult to deal with, enlist the help of a friend. Good friends will help you achieve your goals, whatever they may be. For limbs it may be to eventually be able to walk around in shorts (for leg complexes). Good friends will tell you the truth, and you can work together on ways to make you feel better about yourself. If you find it difficult to talk with friends, ask them if they ever feel inferior, and you may be surprised how worried people get.

REMEMBER, you are NOT alone!

If you are male and feel 'inferior', and cannot seriously enlist the help of a friend for whatever reason, remember all of the above, and perhaps you can talk to a counsellor if need be. If you have a girlfriend/wife or close friend who is female, they can also help you. Don't reject their help because they are female, they could be better sources of information than fellow men.

If it helps, examine other people (not obvious staring.) How do they react to their body? How do they show themselves? Do they have a similar body type to you? This could really help you reach your goals.

Respect yourself. Look in the mirror and give yourself compliments. If you don't respect yourself, who will?

To be really happy all the time is not only impossible but unrealistic,but you can make a conscious effort to be happy all the time. However, to be really happy you need to accept yourself for who you are. Listen, nobody is perfect.

Check this out - any time you enter a room full of people, I bet you get easily attracted to and (I am sure) a bit jealous of those you see laughing or smiling and making the rounds...don't you?

Truth be told, there is nothing special about them. They just forgot all about themselves and what people think about them. Be one of those people!

Spend enough time thinking about your strengths (everyone has them)and you will find yourself more happy, and also more confident!

Lastly, don't concentrate too much on yourself. Get interested in others and you will see all your fears and worries which make you sad melt away.


EVERY human being is DIFFERENT!

Think about WHY you feel you/certain parts of you are inferior? Write this down, think about this LOGICALLY, and talk to friends or family.

There is no 'normal' human being, and no 'normal' framework for a human being. Accept your
differences in a positive manner. For instance "Yeah, I have big feet, but thats what makes me me!"

Don't think of your DIFFERENCES as INFERIORITIES; class them as unique qualities that make you who you are. If it wasn't for those things, you'd be a generic, boring clone with no unique traits.

If you are overweight, underweight, short, or tall to the point that others see you as inferior due to those traits, throw their insults right back at them as jokes. Not only will you confuse them, you will make yourself laugh, and therefore feel better about your uniqueness.

Accept who you are!

Smile every day!!

Try hard

It may seem other people are perfect, but really, they have their own differences


If your inferiority is physical, avoid looking in the mirror too much in the first stages. You will be constantly reminding yourself, and this helps nothing.

Never refer to your differences as inferiorities!

Never listen to ANYONE who puts you down.

If others make fun of you, laugh with them.

Don't joke with others about things that truly affect your self-esteem. If you're particularly sensitive about your weight, avoid joking with friends, as this leads them to believe they can do it too.

Things You'll Need

The mind-set to change

Good friends


A "stable" emotional state

Sunday, February 8, 2009

How to Be Happy Being Yourself

Being yourself is the easy bit, but being happy is difficult. They are similar but the results are massively different.


Be yourself! This means doing what you want, achieving your goals not living up to others expectations because this is your life. It's just tuning out the little voice that says "What will so-and-so think."

Accept and forget. Write down all your flaws everything you don't like about yourself. Divide them into three columns: worth worrying about, who cares? and why is it even on this list? Rip them all up. This is not about changing yourself. This is being yourself and loving yourself for it.

Eliminate! Identify places or people or things that make you feel uncomfortable with yourself. Eliminate this stuff from your schedule. You have no time for people who don't accept you.

Forget others' opinions. If you feel fat because someone said you were they were probably covering up for their own insecurity problem. Feel superior, take the high road and forget.

Learn to forgive. Once your self-esteem is booming and confidence glowing I bet at least one person will be sorry. Forgive and forget. Everyone makes mistakes. You did by listening to them.


Listen to Christina Aguilera's 'Beautiful' and other mood boosting songs.

If you're forgiving someone make sure their apology is sincere. Mistakes happen but people should learn from them. Forgive once but never twice.

Try helping others. There is nothing like helping someone else to help improve your self confidence.

Do something that you want to do, or like, every day. Whether it be listening to the song that you love, or dancing in your underwear in your bedroom, it doesn't matter. Just do it and forget about other people. Enjoy the moment of being free, and carry that with you for the rest of the

It's your life; so live it how you want to! But be aware of what you are doing.


Could result in excessive happiness.

Friday, February 6, 2009

How to Be Happy and Love Yourself Even when Everyone Puts You Down

"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!"
- Auntie Mame

Finding your own happiness starts and ends with you. Read on to find out how to have more joy in life.

1. Listen to the put down. Is it something petty, like, "I hate that color on you", or is a rude comment, such as, "You're lazy!"? Petty unfounded comments are like a fly stinging a horse; they should be brushed off, but rude comments need more attention.
2. Ask yourself if a rude comment is true. "Am I lazy?" If you know the answer off the top of your head, then brush off the comment (unless it's repeated behavior, then you may want to avoid that person, talk to them about it or tell your boss/teacher, if needed).
3. Ask a trusted friend if they think the comment is true, or you can ask the person why they made that comment, and to give you examples. A good friend will be constructive and help you as much as they can.
4. Work on it if you think the person insulting you has a point. Nobody is perfect, but by being proactive you will improve that particular aspect of yourself. Too meek? Work on it!
Take some confidence or public speaking classes. Unfit? Grab a tracksuit and hit the gym. You don't have to do this for every little thing, but working on the big things holding you back will massively improve yourself and your attitude.
5. Learn to ignore worthless comments. They're opinions that are just meant to hurt your feelings, and are not at all truthful. Try to remember that people often insult out of anger or jealousy. Some people take joy out of hurting others, and anything they say should be put in the back of your mind.
6. Laugh at yourself. If it's not a big deal to you, it shouldn't be an issue to others. But remember, laughing at something that really injures your self-esteem is a no. It just gives others the feeling that they too can do that to you.

· Get to know who you are and what you want. When you are comfortable in your own skin, loving yourself comes naturally.
· You may need to spend more time alone to get to know yourself. Ask yourself, "What do you want?" What makes you happy?" "What don't you like?" "What are you willing to do to please yourself?" Keeping a journal is highly recommended.
· When you know who you are, and what you like, you will begin to attract like-minded people. "Birds of a feather flock together" is NOT just a saying.
· Having like-minded, supportive friends will help you ignore the small stuff.
· Remember, it all starts with you getting to know yourself and liking yourself. Until you do that, don't be surprised if few people like you.
· Good luck on your journey to joy!

· There are people who are just plain mean spirited. They tend to be jealous of kind hearted, friendly, and/or happy people. Stay away from them as much as possible.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

How to Be Happy After Divorce

separated and divorced

No matter how long you have been married, a divorce might be in your life. You are not happy about it and never expected it. However, no matter how you feel, you can survive, and will, if you keep a positive attitude, as you go ahead alone.


1. Realize you are not to blame for the outcome of the marriage. There are two people involved and it takes both to make a happy life.

2. Make happiness your primary concern no matter who is to blame. You are not the first person to be divorced and will not be the last.

3. Look for your goal in life, find out how to get it. Go forward and do the things you have always wanted to do.

4. Join an active Support Group if you think you need it.

5. Understand that you are a person in your own right, and that by learning, and reading, you can make your own decisions.

6. Look forward to the future. Do not think that you have to be married, to be happy. Remember, you now are ready to do whatever it is in life that you want to. You are no longer on a time schedule to meet your partners needs, and you do not have to ask anyone permission to do anything. Best of all, you do not have loads of dirty wash.

7. Accept that you are divorced!. Join groups if that's what you want to do. Read a book on the park bench, go to a movie, or just watch the soaps on TV.


· Self help groups are listed in newspapers. Look for them.

· Look to find a college near you, and take a course.

· If you always wanted to get a college degree, it is not to late. Go for it.

· Travel if you can afford it.

· Tour a museum, take in a live show, write a book.

· If home is feeling empty and strange you can re-arrange the furniture, swap rooms, paint walls that color you always wanted. Buy frilly everything or go with the bachelor theme depending on your sex. The house will seem newer, you'll feel accomplished and it won't look like someone just moved out.

· Clear out any abandoned items or property. If they don't want it, don't throw it out, have a yard sale, sell it on Ebay and buy yourself something nice with the profits to spruce up your newly single wardrobe or home.

· Cut the ties that bind you and your ex. It may be hard but making new friends of your own can be a great experience. You can be introduced into totally new circles of friends.

Don't feel like you have to compete for your old friends with your ex. Let them pick sides, you don't need them anyway. Best of all, your ex isn't likely to show up at their BBQ or holiday party.

· Get new friends. Just being around people that you don't associate with your ex or divorce is healthy. They weren't around for the baggage and it will be a fresh new start. Get more than one.

· Go visit those relatives your ex didn't like or go to that place you could never get your ex to vacation.

· Try not to dwell on the negative and don't spend time around those people that bring you down emotionally. Avoid emotional vampires. This may mean you have to avoid or ditch old friends or even step away from certain family members until some time has passed and everyone has something else to talk about.

· You'll eventually hear that your ex has moved on. You should too. This doesn't mean that you need to jump on the dating bandwagon before you are ready but you should feel free to go out with friends. If you want to start dating, go for it, you'll feel better.

· Do whatever you can to eliminate the anger, hurt or negative emotions left by your ex. Don't dwell on the fact they cheated or were untrustworthy. Don't be a victim. Move on, get over it and don't let every conversation you have be about your ex and all of his wrongs. Pick your chin up, stop wallowing, stop wasting your energy on something you can't change, smile and go forward. That will really annoy them!

· Don't be afraid to "fire" a friend. If they make you feel awful, they bring you down. they dwell on your experience and you can't be happy around them. Just like you would fire someone from a job. Move on and surround yourself with friends that make you feel better not worse.


· Be careful when meeting new people. Some would like to take advantage of you. Some might want to exploit you. Most people however are really nice, so do not mistrust everyone. Just be careful, and do not lend money to anyone you do not know.

· Being insanely happy will drive your ex nuts. Especially if they are manipulating or treated you poorly.

· Take the high road at all times and you will feel much better in the end. Taking drastic measures towards your ex could cause legal issues.

· Make sure you are clear to dispose of any abandoned property before selling it or donating it. Be courteous and don't throw away family heirlooms or something valuable that he/she obviously left behind by mistake.

· Making hasty decisions about family photographs may be regretted years down the road. Although you or your spouse may not want old wedding or family photos, your kids will appreciate it if you save those. Stick them in the attic or go ahead and give them to your kids if they are old enough.

Monday, February 2, 2009

How to Be Happy

Nobody is happy all the time, but some people are definitely more fulfilled than others, and it doesn't seem to have much to do with material goods or high achievement---things many people spend a lot of their time worrying about. So what do they have that you don't?


1. Relax. Lighten up. Don't take yourself too seriously. Try not to over analyze things. Stress can cause many mental, physical, and spiritual problems in your life. One of the major causes of stress is worrying about things that are out of your control.

Learn to recognize these things and if you can truly do nothing about them, then just let them go.

Take time to laugh at yourself and the situations you find yourself in. Laughter is a powerful, positive medicine and the calmer and more peaceful you can take things, the happier your life will be. It wouldn't be life if some bad things don't happen.

2. Smile You would be surprised how much of an immediate difference physically smiling has on your mood, if you smile and force a little laugh you will feel your mood lighten and you won't have to force it next time.

3. Take the good with the bad. No one is happy all the time. Everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with the gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears. We cannot change the past, but we can enjoy today, and look to the future. If we are prepared to take ownership for the past and accept that everything that's happened in our life, good and bad, has made us the person we are - the battle is half won.

4. Be thankful. A key component of happiness is acceptance - learning to be grateful for what you have. A lot of people know it but don't keep it in their minds. Comparing your life with others' is dangerous. Accept the gifts you have and know that no one is better than or less than anyone else's. Keep a "gratitude journal". Every day, write down a few things that you are thankful for and then review what you have written in past entries. It's a great way to remind yourself to be thankful for what you have and to boost your mood.

5. Be yourself. Much criticism is caused by people who are discontented with themselves, not with you. One way to get in touch with yourself is through journaling, diaries or (lately) blogs. Your goal may be to open up completely to yourself and learn to be your own best friend by being completely honest with yourself. What do you want out of life? What makes you truly happy? Who do you want to be?

6. Pursue goals that make you happy. Strive for long term goals rather than short term satisfaction. It's very easy to gain short term satisfaction--a quick high, a fast relief from your current problems (such as drugs, alcohol, sex). But it is what it is, a "short term" satisfaction, and the effects die out very soon, leaving you with an empty feeling that is sometimes worse than before. Set long term goals, goals which take time, thought, and effort to achieve. This will make you continually work towards improving yourself bit by bit and will give you the satisfaction of bringing a permanent change in your life.

7. Focus on the Objective. If the thoughts you are thinking are not giving you that 'good feeling', then think about something else that will make you feel good in that moment. Observe your thoughts and ideas consistently throughout the day (diary/journal if possible). Sometimes this may not be as easy as you think if you are stuck in a "destructive" train of thought and your brain chemicals are getting fired up and forming "anxiety or anger" thoughts.

Anxiety, fear and anger patterns can be interrupted by focusing on something else. This will dissipate the rush of chemicals that are making you feel bad. Immediately then go back to picturing scenes/remembering things/imagining, planning stuff that makes you feel good.

8. Develop healthy relationships.

- Family. If you want a stronger relationship with your family, you're going to need to be honest with them. Tell your family about your life and don't insult them - it hurts them just as much as it hurts you to be insulted. If you are in an abusive family, you must find a way to stop the abuse and that may include separation.

- Have a healthy relationship. If you're dating, get involved with activities that reflect who you are, and get to know people who like the things you do. Get involved with someone who loves life and pursues happiness the way you do. If you're in a relationship, strive to make that relationship healthy.

- Choose your friends carefully. Nearly everyone needs someone who cares for them and treats them well. If you have friends who are treating you badly, or are not supportive of you and your goals to improve your life, then ditch them and find friends that do care about you. If you can't find any friends like that in your current circumstances, then look elsewhere. If you're feeling sad, there's nothing like going out with your friends to make you feel better. Surround yourself with friends who are beneficial, encouraging, and helpful. We all need this continuing, nurturing encouragement to make solid desired progress in life.

9. Make someone else happy. When you're feeling powerless to create happiness in your life, do something to make someone else--anyone--happy, and you'll remember how easy it really can be. Isn't it true the happiest people we know are typically the ones who for some foolish reason are always ready to give you the clothes off their back? And frequently it is true that the most discontented people are the ones who are selfish, demanding, and inconsiderate of others.

The happiest days of our lives, when we really dig down deep, is when we see the smile on the face of a person who we care about. Even helping a stranger can remind you of how much you really have, because of how much you can give. Serve at a rescue mission and you will learn the meaning of "I cried because I had no shoes and then I met a man who had no feet."


· Try thinking of a creative vow and write it down. Make it something like: I vow to give at least one compliment to someone each day and I'll try to control my anger by counting in my head before reacting.

· Don't think of happiness as a mood, but as a philosophy of life.


· Happiness requires balance. Don't become so caught up in your own happiness that you forget about everyone else's. And don't base your own happiness on making others feel good; people-pleasers are usually very unhappy on the whole.

· Even in the most terrible times, do not turn to alcohol, drugs, or anything else that is addictive, abusive to the health of you or others. Bad habits grow like weeds - they are easy to get, but hard to get rid of. Many addictive "solutions" can make your problems much worse.