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Saturday, July 19, 2008

Know What You Want: If You Build Them, They Will Come!

When you’re looking for that special someone, you need to figure out who this person is going to be. Knowing what you want and who you’re looking for really helps you find the right person.
We once attended a seminar on relationships where attendees were asked to design their perfect mates as specifically as possible.

The goal was to create a wish list of all the qualities and characteristics we felt were important.

It was a great exercise — a lot of the attendees realized that they didn’t know what they wanted, although they had very specific ideas of what they didn’t want. A few months later, the participants reunited to complete the final part of the seminar, which analyzed our results. We were blown away by how many participants had met people who matched most of the criteria on their list. It was as if putting it down on paper reinforced the belief in their mind’s eye. Or perhaps by defining what they wanted, they became more conscious of those qualities when they saw them in a potential partner.

Either way, this exercise worked for a large number of people. Visualizing your ideal partner and the relationship you want is a great motivator. Athletes have long understood this process of imagery and will visualize a goal before acting on it. You can do the same with your love life. Give it a shot now! You have nothing to lose.

Close your eyes and picture your ideal partner. Engage all your senses. How does this person smell? What does he or she look like? Listen to this person’s voice. How does it sound? When you kiss, how do you feel? Where are you? What are you doing? Are your friends and family around?
How does he or she interact with them? Try this a few times until the picture becomes clear, then take out a piece of paper and make a list of the most important characteristics of this partner.

List about 20 qualities that mean something to you. What values and attributes does this person have? Look over your list and separate your “deal breakers” from your “ideals.” “Deal breakers” are the absolute nonnegotiable traits, like finding a partner who wants children or is of the same religion (if those traits are important to you).

“Ideals” are more about the attributes or traits you’d prefer, like “ambitious” or “good sense of humor.” By prioritizing which qualities are important and which are ideal, you’ll discover what you’re absolutely unwilling to accept and where you’ve got some flexibility.

Be Flexible

Don’t be overly specific when you think about your ideal partner — such as wanting “tall blondes” or “no bald guys.” Celebrate individuality and be open to new possibilities.

You could end up ruling out the woman or man of your dreams simply because they have the wrong hair color or are a few hairs short. Remember, it’s a wish list, and nobody’s perfect. Over the coming months, it will change and grow as you discover what’s really important to you in a relationship. Remain flexible and open with your “ideals.”

Fools Rush In

One of the biggest dating mistakes many singles make is when people are in too much of a rush to settle down. Disaster! They hook up with the first compatible person who comes along, instead of dating several people and then making a powerful choice as to what’s best for them.

Give yourself time to choose. The dating experience teaches you a great deal about what’s really important to you in a partner and what you have to offer. By observing yourself, you will gain new insight into how you react to different situations, and which problems you bring into each relationship. It’s only when you are inside the dynamic of a relationship that you can truly discover these things — otherwise it’s all “in your head.”


Amala said...

Very good article.. Loved reading it. Read more: