Flirting Techniques: Body Language and Speech

Flirting, that wonderful behavior that puts two people together is a skill that everyone can learn to maximize. Obviously, flirting behavior involves both verbal and non-verbal communication. Essential to successful flirting is learning how to incorporate both of these to achieve success. First, let’s start with the basics.

Eye Contact

• An admiring glance is sufficient to indicate that you are interested.

• Avoid staring since this can appear threatening in a new relationship.

• You do not need to make eye contact continually while talking. Constant eye contact can make the other person nervous.

• When he is speaking, look at him more frequently than you did when you were speaking.

Body Posture

• Tilt head to one side to indicate your interest in what he is saying.

• If you are sitting, refrain from keeping your legs consistently crossed.

• Likewise, if you are sitting, cross and uncross your legs to bring attention to them.

• Refrain from crossing your arms tightly, even if you are nervous.

• Lean slightly towards the person rather than backwards or to the side.

Gestures

• Flip your hair gently to maintain his attention.

• Twirl a small bit of your hair once or twice throughout the conversation. More than that will make you appear nervous.

• Bring your hands up to a small and silent clap in response to something clever that he has said.

• Bring your hand slightly downward to emphasize a point that you have made.

• Slightly extend an open palm to offer an invitation to agree with you.

• Toss your head back gently when you laugh to emphasize your delight.

• Nod your head occasionally to indicate agreement or continued interest, but avoid
multiple nods since they can be distracting.

Verbal Communication

• Use a light-hearted banter initially in the conversation to allow both of you time to relax.

• Chat the man up on general subjects initially, until you discover his interests. Then, focus on what he likes.

• Use a tone of voice that isn’t grating on the nerves, too loud for the situation, or too desperate in nature.

• Match your non-verbal cues to your verbal communication.
People tend to notice appearance, body language, and tone of voice prior to the style of speaking and the content of the conversation. Therefore, it isn’t so much what we say but how we say it.

The tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures, and body posture more than the words spoken indicate interest. The most successful flirt is often the well practiced flirt. Exercise caution, however, when flirting and be safe.

Forming Friendships As an Adult Woman - By Janis Ferer

Building a Social Circle from Scratch

Ever heard the saying "you've got to have money to make money"? Of course you have; everyone has. Well, there is a lesser known sister saying to this one that goes something like "you've got to have friends to make friends". And while I don't necessarily agree with the former (although it can certainly help), I whole-heartedly believe the latter, or at least that it makes the process a lot easier.

The truth is that when you already have a circle of friends, it is much easier to invite others to join or meet "new members" through these established friendships. You are out and involved in doing things socially, and that is where the majority of other folks are too - out and about. However, when you are starting from scratch in building a circle of friends, it can be a bit difficult to even get your foot in the proverbial "social" door. The reality is that you aren't out and about simply because you don't have anyone else with whom to be out and about there. Personally, many of my favorite activities involve more than one participant or are simply more fun when shared with another- playing tennis, attending concerts, dining out, catching up over a glass of wine, or enjoying the requisite weekend BBQ. Of course you can be happy doing your own thing, but when shouting "who wants another burger", it is nice to hear a reply other than the sound of your dog licking his chops!

All the Lonely People, Where do they all Come From

A report came out in 2004 -- the General Social Survey -- which stated that the average American's circle of confidants, the number of people with whom they discuss important topics, is just two. While two was the average number, the study emphasized that the modal respondent claimed to have no (zero) confidants -- that is, the majority of respondents said that they have no one with whom they discuss significant topics. The report concluded that folks in the U.S. are socially isolated and basically lonely.

Unfortunately, a host of other reports on similar topics agree that Americans as a lot are a fairly lonely bunch, and are so for a bunch of reasons:

We spend a significant amount of time alone in our cars commuting to work: our commutes are longer than they've ever been

We work much longer hours than what Americans used to work

We aren't as involved in our communities as we used to be:

we don't attend church

we don't volunteer, and

we don't hang out with our neighbors, or even borrow sugar anymore

We move fairly frequently and to places farther away than we used to

We divorce more often

They had the Best of Intentions

So how does an adult go about making new friends and forming a social community in a new town, or under new circumstances (such as after a divorce or relationship change)? Well if you turn to the internet and search for terms such as" adult friends, women friendships, make new friends"; you'll either find a slew of "adult" websites or another slew of social networking sites designed for high school and college-aged kids. Additionally, you'll find tons of articles providing identical suggestions on how to make friends in a new town. These always include:

Joining a church or synagogue

Volunteering

Talking to people in the grocery store, coffee shop, or post office

Taking up a new sport

Signing-up for a continuing education course

These are all great suggestions, so I'll ask you to try any of them and let me know how they work out. What? Oh, you aren't religious you say. Okay, so scratch that one from your list. Don't have time to feed your children, let alone volunteer. I completely understand. Let's wipe that one from the list as well. Tried talking to the woman in line in front of you while waiting for your extra-foam-double-mocha-espresso and got no reply? Well, some folks just aren't social before their fifth latte.

You get the idea - while these lists and suggestions are certainly well-intended, rarely do they actually pan out in the fast access to "New Friend Town" for which you are hoping. Don't get me wrong, these avenues can be very successful over time. But if you'd like to move a bit faster, than perhaps we'd better return to the wonderful world of the web.

Move over Sonny, Auntie is Coming Through

Our children have grown up with access to the internet, and therefore have never questioned that it could provide information, products and services to answer absolutely every need they could ever think that they might possibly have, today or at any point in the future. I think you get my point - the internet is a powerful and successful tool, the ability and strength of which our children have great confidence in.

Therefore it is no wonder that they might be the first of us (demographically speaking) to use the internet in new and somewhat more successful ways. Meeting people online is a perfect example of this. When a couple of college kids wanted to know who else was attending their school, they didn't turn to a tried and true paper catalogue of students to check out profiles, they developed an internet-based catalogue and let every student put their own profile on it. The result is one of the most successful concepts of our time: it is current, and dynamic, and still a great way for these boys to check out all the "hot chicks" in their classes!

Once we saw all the fun that our kids were having online, the adult demographic finally got the point and started developing site for themselves. Because, honestly, meeting people online is smart and convenient. It overcomes all of the hurdles from which traditional methods suffer and offers some unique benefits:

It removes the element of chance. Yes, you could meet a great friend in line at a coffee shop, but if you happen to be running late on a particular morning, well then, there goes that opportunity.

It removes the necessity of proximity. You don't have to be running in the same park, at the same time, in the same direction in order to meet a gal who would be a great running partner for you

It removes the necessity on reliance. New friends are met online without the necessity to rely on chance encounters, common interests performed at the same place and time, or with mutual friends. Perusing profiles online allows you to meet someone whom you otherwise would never have run into, happened upon, or come across at the neighbor's cocktail party.

It works on your time. Regardless of whether that time is during your lunch-break, at midnight when everything else is done, or leisurely on a weekend. The internet and its websites are open for business at anytime, and the time most convenient for you.

It expands your possibilities. You live in Scottsdale and love to travel and your husband doesn't. You have a group that you like to travel with, but none of them are interested in the safari of which you've been dreaming. But Rhonda in Roswell is, and she is retired and can go anytime. Meeting people online means that your "marketplace" for new travel buddies is unlimited.
The list of benefits goes on and on, but this article doesn't have to. The net-net of this story is that meeting people online is a very smart thing to do, an easy thing to do, and a great way to expand, create or revive your social circle. Everyone is doing it, because it works, and works well.*

So if you are a woman who is looking to meet other women for friendship and for sharing hobbies and other interest, check out websites online targeted at you - especially www.SocialJane.com.

SocialJane.com the only website (that I know of) designed specifically for women-only for the purpose of facilitating friendship between women.

*Of course, whenever meeting anyone online, even if just two women seeking platonic friendships and a cup of joe, precautions should be taken, like meeting in a public place, exchanging personal information only when confidences have been established, etc.

Friends Over Family - Which is More Important? by James Baptiste

Growing up as a young adolescent in the mid 80's, I faced alot of situations that I now look back on and wish I could turn back the hands of time. I chose my friends over my own family and had I known then what I know now, I would be well prepared for the things I encountered later on in life.

They say experience is the best teacher and that is so true because I had to learn the hard way. Once I was able to put my life back in perspective, I realized that the streets have no loyalty to you. It is the streets that brought me much pain and grief in my life and I feel compelled to teach these kids out here now that there is another option. They do not have to accept the negative stigma that society places on them as long as they stay grounded. I am a living example of this til this day and I hope someday that my book "Suspended In Time" will be able to help them understand that there is nothing out there on the streets but trouble.

I am often perturbed by the current attitudes of our younger generation since they have a lack of concern about their future and the path their lives are heading. I want to lead by example because every one needs to hear something positive every now and then, especially when the forces around them are all negative. The current state of our youth is dominated by people who dont care nothing about them, especially most of these rappers whom they look up to as God Himself. The harsh reality is those very same people they idolize and mimmick are not as real as they portray themselves to be. People have to understand that music is just another form of expression and just an art form.

These rappers are not gangsters because if they were, they would not be entertaining but I have to let them know that. They are not going to jeopardize their careers just to uphold some street image and these kids need to really understand that alot of what they see and hear on television is just entertainment.

Why using affirmations without sincere belief can be counter-productive - Lucy Lopez

For our affirmations to work, they need our emotional support which is closely tied to our beliefs. Affirmations, like everything else our brain processes, are influenced by associations. This is a key point to keep in mind. It means that the beliefs that are most closely or strongly associated with your affirmations are the ones that will influence the outcome.

If you are saying one thing while believing or feeling the opposite, you are effectively associating that belief and the feelings/emotions that go with it to what you are affirming.
The brain is wired up in complex networks of associations or schemas and you are creating a schema whereby the opposing belief and emotions are associated with that which you are affirming!

The more times you repeat that affirmation, the more you will be triggering/reinforcing the opposing belief and emotions. Not only do you not create what you affirm, you strengthen the opposing belief, thereby creating or maintaining the opposing reality!

For instance, if you keep repeating, “I am in the perfect relationship with the partner of my dreams” while believing and feeling that dreams do not come true and/or that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship and/or that you will never meet the partner of your dreams, you are associating your affirmation with opposing beliefs and feelings.. Consequently, the reality which most closely matches your beliefs and feelings will be what manifests or continues to manifest!

This is why it is important that if you choose to use affirmations, you should ensure that your emotions and beliefs support them. Otherwise, these affirmations will, at the very least, maintain your current reality, and at worst, create a reality that corresponds most closely with your beliefs and emotions, which is very likely the very opposite of what you want!

Post from: Lucy's Planet Happiness

Why don’t my affirmations work? - Lucy Lopez

A big thank you to Lucy for your contributions and I ask all my readers to pop in to Lucy's site at the bottom of the post and check it out for yourselves.... But here is Lucy's post:

“I am gorgeous unimaginably wealthy and god’s greatest gift to humankind"

What are affirmations? They are powerful messages that we give the subconscious mind with the intention of making it conform to particular desires or goals. Generally, affirmations are presented in the simple present tense (remember what I said about this in this post?). As such, they are supposed to reflect ongoing truths.

For example, if you happen to be afraid of public performance, some affirmations that might be suggested to you are: “I am a wonderful performer”. “I enjoy performing to audiences, large or small”. “I just love every performance and look forward to each one”.

Great! So you start repeating these affirmations daily like a mantra and sometimes several times a day. (Someone recently told me they spend three hours a day repeating affirmations, bemoaning the fact that ‘nothing has changed’). One week later, one month later, several months later, you have still not shaken off your fear of public performance. If anything, you are even more of a nervous wreck when it comes to presenting yourself to an audience. Why?

The reason is quite simple.

Your affirmations lack your emotional support.

Have you noticed how the most impactful experiences in your life are the ones where your emotional response was strong and unmistakable, whether in a positive or negative way? Film makers, writers and advertisers make use of this fact to persuade you to ‘buy’ whatever it is they are selling, whether it is a product, an idea, a character or a service. To them, your emotional response is gold! Without it, they know they have lost you.

Even when we have an intellectual agreement with an idea or intention, without our emotional support, that idea or intention is about as useful to us as a bicycle tyre without air. So the question is, how do we get our emotions to cooperate with our thoughts, with our affirmations?

Belief!

Even if I can intellectually agree with an idea, it does not mean that I actually believe it. For instance, I might agree that enjoying performing in public would be a good thing but I may not believe that I can enjoy performing in public. It is at this point that my subconscious mind and I part company.

By now you might have guessed that beliefs and emotions have a very tight partnership. The stronger your emotional response, the stronger your belief. Hence, “I didn’t believe it until I saw it”. Why? Because upon seeing it, you felt it! Our senses are directly connected to the emotional centres in our brain. They arouse your emotions in a very powerful way. Advertisers, film makers and writers have a field day with this fact - they show you things rather than just talk about them.

So, affirmations need to be supported by your emotions which are deeply tied to your beliefs. If you believe something, there is little that can get in your way. I guess your next question is, How do I believe what I want to believe? Well, I tackle that one in my next post and I’ll even explain why repeating affirmations without the corresponding emotional support and belief can work against you. In the meantime, you can enjoy this, this and this.

Post from: Lucy's Planet Happiness

Career and Financial Affirmations

I am a success in all that I do

I am always productive

I respect my abilities and always work to my full potential

I always have enough money for all that I need

I live each day with passion and purpose

My life is now filled with prosperity and abundance

I easily achieve my goals

I am a money magnet

I now have prosperity and abundance in all areas of my life

I am confident

I am a great business person

I am a wealthy and successful business person

I am a brilliant business person

I use my wealth and prosperity wisely

I deserve happiness, abundance and prosperity

I now have all the resources necessary to fulfill all my life's goals

Making money juices me, excites me, energizes me

I am a powerful and resourceful creator

I have absolute certainty and confidence in my ability to generate any income I choose

I have all the resources I need to be a multi-millionaire now

I have great abundance flowing into my life which affords me any luxury I desire

I am an organized, disciplined, talented, innovative and intelligent business person, applying
sound and honest business practices right now

I am a powerful, resourceful, creator and I am attracting all the wealth and opportunities for financial success now

I have all the skills, intelligence, contacts and money I need right now to create an incredible masterpiece of a life

I am a smart, savvy business person

I deserve to earn money easily, in abundance and to live debt free now

I am completely debt free and money is flowing to me from expected and unexpected sources

I have complete freedom over my time

I accomplish my financial goals with ease

Belief in Self and Confidence

There are many things in life that a person must confront, whether it is the first day of school, a new workplace, new family or friends. With each new experience and circumstance we will have to face the ultimate challenges, whether to believe in self and to have confidence.

What is belief in self when it comes to interactions that we have on a daily basis? Is it when we say, 'I know I can do it', or, 'Not a problem'? Does it base itself in confidence and the ability to outwardly express? One thing is for sure, without self confidence, the ability to experience life becomes more and more challenging and cumbersome and no matter how much we might try and avoid the rigors of change, our fears come back to haunt us, driving us towards questioning our own abilities and expression.

One thing that is ultimately true about self confidence is that no other person can obtain it for us.

It is something that is extremely personal to the individual experiencing it. They might cry towards another saying how unfair life is that they have to push themselves beyond limits that they feel extend outside of their own abilities. Crying is not going to achieve the confidence or the ability to believe in self and will only emphasis the insecurities and inner weakness that we have.

It just hides a person away in a hole of suffering, falling deeper and deeper within their own despair. Eventually they find themselves in this hole alone, facing their ultimate fear, other people having left from the pressure of their pain. They try to give them help but it goes in one ear and out the other, only making these friends want to retreat, looking towards the crying patient as if they will never be able to ever drag themselves out of despair.

For a while it feels safe and secure to hide in this whole, even when all have left who have their own issues and are experiencing their own pressures in life. Hiding in a hole feels much better than having to face the world today and to push beyond fears. It gets lonely in that hole and as much as it feels safe for a time, it is slowly drives a person to despair and the inability to find hope and strength in self, let alone to be able to recover from the pain. The person eventually comes to one conclusion and one alone. That they have to face the world, that hiding in the hole is not going to achieve anything for them in the long run. It is through their choice that they are able to fight past their insecurities and come out of their own doldrums. They realize that no one else is going to be able to give them strength, power and confidence, but themselves. The journey to believing in themselves comes from their own desire to live life and to grab all that they can for their own development and experiences.

It should not have to take the words of another person to realize that self confidence is understood individually, and that it is reasoned by self. It is a natural willingness to participate in life that comes from an individuals desire to experience all that they have offered to them. There should be no reason why someone should feel insecure about their abilities. They have just as much ability as the next person and as much as they think that they have disabilities, they really do only have disability in their mind, not being able to see the full picture of their own potential.

This fear attitude that is created, that holds us back from being confident in ourselves, comes from learnt paradigms that we are picking up as we are developing. They are linked to the competitive syndrome where we all decide what category we belong and allow that this is the ultimate truth to our purpose in life. It takes a strong mind to reason that choice is individualized and not coming from some outside source. Everyone has their own ability to make their own assumptions on life and how much they want to participate in it. Confidence then openly issues forth from a person who realizes that life is for living and that it comes from their own choices.

There should not be any reason why people fear to participate in things, whether that is from jumping a tight rope to studying for university. We all have the ability to push ourselves to experience all that is possible. The playing field of life within our divided cultures is a similar playing field that we all participate in. Even with restrictions a person can always find ways to deal with situations, if only they choose to see that life is played by the mind and that they have ability, just as any one else, to find reason and purpose and strength in self. That strength is not going to come from someone else, it is going to be realized in their own participation.

Our mind and viewpoint on life is our own character and who we are as individuals. If a person is not going to believe in themselves, then who is? We must believe in ourselves before others can see our real potential to experience life without fear or constraint. It is all up to the individual and no matter the fight and struggle life can be seen in a totally different way. Life does not have to be a struggle. It is all in the mind what we choose to value or not, we only have to change our viewpoint in order to see life differently.

Belief in self and confidence comes with realizing that we are controllers of our lives and that we are the ones that direct ourselves where we wish to be and how we wish to experience life in all that it has to offer.

Begin to Set Personal Boundaries

Do you have a hard time standing up for yourself? Do you keep agreeing to do things that you really don't want to do? Do you tolerate rude comments or pushy people because you can't handle conflict? Do you take things personally?

Life coach Cheryl Richardson says that creating stronger boundaries is the number one way for most women to improve their lives. Here she shows you how to stand up for yourself! Set personal boundaries and free yourself from the "disease to please" with these three steps!

Step One: Self-AwarenessThe first step in learning to set boundaries is self-awareness. Complete the following sentences.

Step Two: Setting Your BoundariesLearn to set boundaries with others. Find support and using specific language.

Step Three: Strengthen Your Internal BoundariesToo often, women neglect to
stand up for themselves by avoiding confrontation. When someone offends you, stop and ask these three questions.

Begin to Set Personal Boundaries

Step One: Self AwarenessThe first step in learning to set boundaries is self-awareness. For example, pay close attention to the situations when you lose energy, feel a knot in your stomach, or want to cry. Identifying where you need more space, self-respect, energy or personal power is the first step.Another way to identify your boundaries is by completing these three sentences with at least 10 examples.

1. People may not ___________.

Examples of Personal Boundaries

People many not...
· Go though my personal belongings
· Criticize me
· Make comments about my weight
· Take their anger out on me
· Humiliate me in front of others
· Tell off-color jokes in my company
· Invade my personal space

2. I have a right to ask for ____________.

Examples of Personal Boundaries

I have a right to ask for...
· Privacy
· A new hairstyle from an old stylist
· Peace and quiet while getting a massage
· Help around the house
· More information before making a purchase
· Quiet time to myself

3. To protect my time and energy, it's OK to _________________.

Examples of Personal Boundaries

To protect my time and energy, it's OK to...
· Turn the ringer off on the phone
· Take my time returning calls or e-mails
· Change my mind
· Bow out of a volunteer activity
· Cancel a commitment when I'm not feeling well
· Reserve a place in my home that is off-limits to others.

Begin to Set Personal Boundaries

Step Two: Setting Your BoundariesStart setting simple but firm boundaries with a graceful or neutral tone. This will feel uncomfortable at first, but as you take care of yourself, the personal power you gain will make it easier.

Be sure to have support in place before and after each conversation. If you can't find support from a friend or family member, you may be successful finding a friend online.

Vent any strong emotions with your partner before having your boundary conversation.

Use simple, direct language.Examples:
· To set a boundary with an angry person:"You may not yell at me. If you continue, I'll have to leave the room."
· To set a boundary with personal phone calls at work:"I've decided to take all personal calls in the evening in order to get my work done. I will need to call you later."
· To say no to extra commitments:"Although this organization is important to me, I need to decline your request for volunteer help in order to honor my family's needs."
· To set a boundary with someone who is critical:"It's not okay with me that you comment on my weight. I'd like to ask you to stop."
· To buy yourself time when making tough decisions:"I'll have to sleep on it, I have a policy of not making decisions right away."
· To back out of a commitment:"I know I agreed to head up our fundraising efforts, but after reviewing my schedule, I now realize that I won't be able to give it my best attention. I'd like to help find a replacement by the end of next week.
· To set a boundary with an adult child who borrows money:"I won't be lending you money anymore. I love you and you need to take responsibility for yourself."

When setting boundaries, there is no need to defend, debate, or over-explain your feelings. Be firm, gracious and direct. When faced with resistance, repeat your statement or request.
Back up your boundary with action. Stay strong. If you give in, you invite people to ignore your needs

Begin to Set Personal Boundaries

Step Three: Strengthen Your Internal BoundariesOne of the reasons that women take things personally is because they have weak "internal boundaries." An internal boundary is like an invisible shield that prevents you from taking in a comment without checking it out first. For example, when someone accuses you of being arrogant, stop and consider the statement before taking it in.When you use this internal shield, especially with difficult people like an ex-spouse or critical parent, it gives you time to ask yourself the following three questions:

· How much of this is true about me?
· How much of this is about the other person?
· What do I need to do (if anything) to regain my personal power or stand up for myself?

This last question is very important. Too often women neglect to stand up for themselves by avoiding confrontation and end up weakening their internal shield, making it harder to set boundaries at all. So, if someone offends you, it may be necessary to let them know in order to protect and strengthen your internal boundaries.

Advice on Unrequited Love

Unrequited love is one of the hardest things to deal with. You love someone who doesn't love you. It's pure torture and by this point it will feel like the world is being very unfair on you. So is there anything you can do about it? Here's some tips and advice on unrequited love and how you can deal with it.

Understand it's not you, it's them.

This is very true, even though you won't feel like it right now. The truth is, people pass quick judgments too soon and often they don't know what they're passing up on. It has nothing to do with you but everything to do with them. You need to stop blaming yourself and putting yourself down over this.

Timing is not right.

A lot of love has to do with timing. Even if love is there but the timing is not right, a relationship is oftentimes doomed. In this case, you need to respect that some things you'll just have to be patient and wait for. Trying to force a situation to happen before its time, will only bring about more negative consequences.

Are you self-sabotaging yourself without even realizing?

Are you trying to make up excuses or reasons that the person you want won't want to be with you? Sometimes we'll sabotage ourselves without realizing, because how we see ourselves gives off a strong vibe to others about how they see us. If you don't respect and love yourself, how can you expect others to as well?

Be yourself.

If someone has the wrong idea of you, sometimes you just need to show them who you really are by just being yourself. We often want to impress the one we love but in the end, we want them to want us as we are, not someone we pretended to be.

What if the person you want used to love you but now doesn't? Is it possible to win back love that has been lost? If this is your case, it is in fact a lot easier to restore love than pull love out of nothing.

Achieve Your Goals Using Affirmations

What is a positive affirmation? It is as simple as some positive resolve you make as a first step to change your thought process to become positive. Affirmations can be used by anyone to scale up your excellence in any field. Affirmations are nothing but reinforcing confidence in yourself and thus helping you fulfill your ambitions.

Affirmation can transform your life in a big way. They get deeply embedded in the sub-conscious mind and thus reinforce your confidence. To embed them it is advisable to read them out aloud, totally understanding their meaning and purpose. Whenever you read them read them with a passion as if you already have what you are trying to achieve.

Make it a point to read your affirmations daily. The ideal time is to read them first as you wake up and just when you are about to sleep. Even during your daily routine, if you can try to go through your affirmations.Don’t give up if you are not able to see results immediately. Be patient and continue reading them. Practice them for 30 days without fail. They will become a part of your thinking and if you follow them for a period longer than 30 days you will increase your mental capability and you will reap the best results soon!

The results that you enjoy need not be identical to what others have got. Every person is different and so are his/her beliefs. Hence, even the results can vary greatly from one individual to another.If you want results quickly, I recommend you to write them on a notebook daily. To add a personal touch, write your name along with the affirmation. Or still better technique, is to start by writing your name. This will further reinforce the affirmation on to your brain.