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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Stop Hiding Out and Playing Small in Your Life

”Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.” Marianne Williamson

Has your business suffered because you have been hiding out and playing small? Has fear, shame, guilt, or abuse from your past kept you from creating the success you want and deserve in your life? That’s right, abuse! We have all experienced some form of abuse in our life (myself included) whether it is physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse.

Someone said something or did something to you that caused you to question your worthiness, value, dignity, and your ability to succeed. Plus you don’t talk about it thinking it will simply go away. But guess what? It keeps showing up at the most inopportune times in your life and your business. Imagine that! And guess what else? It will keep showing up until you deal with it, go through it, and let go of it.

Did you know that all of these experiences can cause you to be a major People Pleaser? Uh, yeah! As long as you’re doing for others, you don’t have to be accountable or honor our commitments to ourselves. The more I do my own internal work and the more I work with people I see how this insidious abuse keeps us stuck. It can show up in many ways.

For instance, low self esteem, lack of self confidence, fear of commitment, afraid to let others get too close to us, fear of abandonment, guilt when you spend money on yourself, fear of making a mistake, fear of taking any risks, afraid to ask for what you want, fear of rejection, afraid of not being liked or loved, and fear of not being enough for whatever reason. And the list can go on and on.

What’s the bottom line? Fear of being who you really are. Why? Because deep down you think (notice I said THINK) that you’re not worthy enough to have the success you want in your life.

The result of this stinking thinking is little by little you give away your power and you settle for mediocrity in your life. I don’t know about you, but I have no intention of waking up at 80 years old full of shoulda, woulda, and coulda’s. Life is too short and contrary to popular belief you don’t get to do this over again.

Stepping out of my cushy comfort zone and allowing myself to be vulnerable has been the work of all work for me. All sorts of fears came up for me. What if I don’t like it? What if it doesn’t work? And then there is my money conversation. Am I worth it to spend this money on myself? Add to the mix, my friends and loved ones keep asking me daily if I’m sure I want to do whatever it is. Yes guys, I’m sure. I know in my heart of hearts that this is what’s next for me.

So, how do you stop sabotaging yourself? LET GO of all the negative stories and stuff that have kept you stuck. You’ve given them enough of your precious time and energy. Quit giving them permission to bring you down. It’s time to move to a new playground – one with green grass and lots of flowers that remind you to bloom each day. Be true to yourself and your core values.

You’re worth it and you deserve it.


Take action in the face of your fear. Step out of your comfort zone and go after what you want in your life. Quit worrying about what other people think. Believe me, those that love you will be there for you no matter what and the rest of the folks don’t matter anyway. When you take courageous action, you give others permission to do the same. Just think what a gift you can be to others.


Give up being the Lone Ranger. Chances are if this negative stuff is still holding you back, then it’s time to get support from someone you trust, whether it be a coach, mentor, or counselor. I would not be where I am today had it not been for coaches who cared enough about me to hang in there with me. Because left to my own devices, I would not have learned the tools to deal with it all and move through it.

To paraphrase Marianne Williamson, ‘Your playing small doesn’t serve the world….” It is time for you think bigger and bolder about yourself, your purpose and bring more of you to the table of life. Opportunities for success are waiting for you at every turn, but you must first make the decision to take leap of faith and open up to receive them.