Do You Seem to Get Caught Up in the Same Old Reactions?
Have you ever blown up at your spouse only to realize-after the smoke cleared-that you might have over-reacted just a tad? Maybe you learn that you haven't been invited to your uncle's friend's sister's birthday party and you behave as if it's the slight of the century.
Sometimes even the most minor snafu can send us storming out of the room, slamming down a phone, or just shutting down entirely. It's like we just can't help it-the reaction is as automatic as a mallet to the knee.
Science Reveals It May Not Be Your Fault
New research indicates that these habitual, knee-jerk responses go way back to our childhood. As youngsters, we learned to adapt to our families' idiosyncrasies as a way of survival. Psychologists used to refer to these coping mechanisms as our baggage-but what science has now shown us is that these responses are actually hard-wired into our brains. And because our responses are so ingrained, they have become our filtering system for future incidents. In other words, if something happens today that the brain reads as being similar to something that happened in the past, it will respond as if it were the first time, even though you may be in your 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and beyond.
Bringing This to Life
For example, let's say a child comes from a home where the parents fight frequently. That child is going to associate yelling with bad feelings. In later years, if his spouse raises her voice, he's likely to shut down like when he was a kid-metaphorically running to his room, closing the door, and essentially blocking out the noise.
Does this mean if you come from a family of yellers you're doomed to hide under your bed every time someone raises a voice? Luckily, recent research indicates that the brain continues to grow throughout our lives-and old patterns can be released as new ones are formed in your boomer years..
Help Is On the Way
The way to managing your anger and knee jerk reactions is to establish new connections by refocusing your attention to a different outcome or possibility. But, before you can foster these new connections in your brain, you have to be aware of the old brain triggers.
When I try and distinguish whether someone's reaction is a past association, I look to see if their reaction to the situation is automatic and intense. Additionally, when I try and offer an alternative to why they're behaving that way, the person is resistant and reluctant to consider any other view or interpretation of the situation-other than their own.
In my practice, I work extensively with clients to help them rewire and rewrite their lives. Here is an easy exercise to get you started on rewiring your brain to control your anger and over-reactions that will bring about positive changes in your life-today!
1. Thinking of Alternatives:
a. When you're projecting your past experience onto a present one, try and imagine alternative ways to handle the situation. For example, let's say you have lunch plans with a friend-who cancels at the last minute. Immediately, you feel an overwhelming sense of hurt and rejection. Which is how you always feel in similar situations-indicating-voila-a past pattern! Be conscious of this and take a step back to recognize it.
b. Then, approach the situation from an entirely different perspective. Maybe you use humor to deflect the bad feelings, thinking to yourself, "Gee, I guess it's my deodorant." Or, you choose the direct approach and ask your friend if you've done something to upset her. Or, you take the practical route and figure your friend just overbooked, overextended, or over-promised-and give her a get-out-of-jail-free card. (Hint: If you have difficulty coming up with alternative ways to handle the situation, think about how someone else - your mother, a childhood friend, an admired acquaintance - might handle the same situation.)
2. Plugging in New Choices:
a. Now, replay the actual situation as vividly as possible-the phone ringing, the sound of your friend's voice, the awkward goodbyes-and imagine yourself carrying out one of your new solutions. Maybe you decide that being understanding of your friend's busy schedule is the best choice.
b. Replay the phone call and plug in your new behavior, the understanding you, rather than playing out your old behavior of feeling rejected and hurt.
Making it Last
Before long, you will begin to see a slight shift in how you feel. By doing this exercise again and again, you will refocus your attention on a new outcome. This will rewire your brain and make a new neural connection-a connection to positive change!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Do You Seem to Get Caught Up in the Same Old Reactions?
Posted by mrp721 at 13:12
Saturday, September 27, 2008
I hear people often say things like, "It's great to be spiritually aware and peaceful, but I still feel there are things I want to achieve, have and do, how do I do that while still being mindful?”
Let me be clear, there’s nothing wrong with wanting more, it’s part of our abundant nature. It’s the thinking attached to the things we achieve, have or do that leads us astray.
Out of this, I've decided to give you a formula that is guaranteed to succeed for you when all 3 elements are in alignment with each other!
The Formula is:
You x (Thoughts + Actions) = Results/Outcomes
Or, Y x (T + A) = R
This is the most important part of the equation and involves you being still enough to know exactly what it is that you want. Most people will say they know what they want but in reality there’s so much happening around them that it’s just something that sounds nice, for e.g. I want a new car.
You need to be crystal clear on what it is that you truly want because without the clarity, you won’t have the focus required. So go into a quiet room, sit in a comfortable chair, close your eyes and ask the question, “What is it that I truly want?”If other thoughts come in, allow them to pass through and keep asking the question. You’ll know when you have the right answer because it will fill you with enthusiasm and excitement.
If no answer comes, then leave it and return to it tomorrow, spend at least 15 minutes with it each day until something comes.Remember, this is a critical step, the YOU part of this equation is the foundation and your thoughts and actions are surface structures, without a foundation all buildings crumble!
Once you’re clear on what it is you want, you need to be vigilant of what you’re thinking because the old conditioned (unconscious part) of you will probably not be comfortable with change and will look to sabotage efforts. This is where your mindfulness practice comes in handy, notice the objections that come up in you in wanting to change. In you noticing them, they lose their power to influence you.
Action is the final step, unlike a lot of self-help tools out there that say action is the most important aspect of getting what you want. When the steps above are taken care of, action becomes a natural flow from that. You find that you’re actually motivated to take action because you’re clear about what you want and understand the importance of it. Action is only becomes work when you’re doing something that isn’t in alignment with what you really want. Action becomes a pleasure when it is in alignment with what you want and that’s something that a lot of people don’t experience yet.
Final Note, when the YOU is there, your efforts through your thoughts and actions are multiplied dramatically. This is what is missing in personal development models that focus on positive thinking and taking action alone.
Posted by mrp721 at 12:50
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Here is a quick recap on how to become the successful person you've always known you could be:
There is a "secret" to allowing yourself to be massively successful. The problem is, the Three Percenters (the people who are unconsciously allowing themselves to succeed) can't tell you what it is – for the precise reason that they are doing it unconsciously.
What really causes human behavior is your internal Why-To's and Why-Not-To's – the reasons you perceive why to do something or not do it.
The reason you're holding yourself back from the success you're perfectly capable of has nothing to do with learning more "how-to's" of success. It has to do with uncovering your internal Why-Not-To's of ALLOWING YOURSELF to be massively successful, and then taking steps to allow yourself to succeed.
Holding yourself back from success is a Why-To/Why-Not-To problem. And you can never solve a Why-To problem with a "how-to" solution.
Traditional success programs give you "the How-To's of success". While this isn't "wrong", trying to solve a Why-To problem using a How-To solution is like trying to put a nail into a wall using a chainsaw.
That's why millions of people and organizations are spending BILLIONS of dollars a year on every "how-to succeed" program out there, but most people still feel stuck.
If you want to get your foot off the brake for good, you need to stop spending your hard-earned money on the How-To's of Success, and start focusing on your internal Why-To's and Why-Not-To's of Success. Doing that will produce far greater results in much less time than years of working harder on all the fine "how-to succeed" programs out there.
Posted by mrp721 at 12:42
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Remember your first kiss? How wonderful it was? Even though you had butterflies in your stomach, and your heart raced a mile a minute, it was such a memorable experience. What about that first thrilling ride on a roller-coaster or blowing out all of the candles on your fiftieth birthday cake?
Those moments just takes your breath away, and they warm your heart and rekindle your spirit.These cherished moments are the fuel for our fire. They are the soothers for our souls and the band-aids for our emotional wounds.
Without these unique, extraordinary experiences, we would not be who we are today. And, we would not be where we are today. Each of these fond remembrances is like a distinct fingerprint in our minds. They are special - no two are alike, and they identify specific momentous times. We merely need to close our eyes and tap into our memory banks to be reminded of the wondrous impact these memories have on our existence.
More often than not, we need these reminders of our past to help us see our future. Each and every act in our lives happens for a reason, and they all lead us to something greater. We just need to learn to read our life’s map.To help us understand and master the ability to read our map, we should incorporate faith, positive energy, happiness, confidence, peace and motivation into our normal routine.
These attributes shape our thinking and behavior. They are the drivers for our journey in life. They help to keep us whole, grounded, and on our way to bigger and better things. Without them, we can become hollow, confused, and lost.And as with everything else in our life, we must engage and interact with our drivers to see profound results in our careers, relationships, and personal development. We need to feed the drivers and make certain that they don’t ever fade. And our memories are a wonderful source of nourishment for them.
Yet, another way to cater to our drivers is through inspiration - a consistent well of stimulation and encouragement. And an inventive, good source of incitement can be found on motivational desktops. These free motivational wallpapers represent each driver in stunning forms. The inspirational quotes provide a sort of legend, or key, to help us decipher our maps. The combination of art and words show an individual where they are, where they’ve been, and where they have still to go.
By maintaining reminders of the people we love, the accomplishments we’ve achieved, and the goals we are ascertaining, in plain view, we are exercising our drivers and launching them to new heights. And these motivational desktops are ideal tools to guide us along the way. They allow us to truly keep what’s important in sight.If we can hang on to those little motivational treasures, our minds and spirits can take us anywhere.
For some of us, our memories may not always be great, but they are ours to own. And from them, we can generate the desired outcomes. As we continue on our voyage through life, we are surely to create more memories and experiences, which we can later add to our glorious life maps. The essential part of growing up is knowing that you don’t necessarily have to give up yourself to obtain the things that you want.
Posted by mrp721 at 12:39
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Identify whether or not you have the support you need to determine your true life's purpose. The greatest obstacle for personal growth is a dysfunctional or abusive relationship. If we don't have a larger awareness, we end up frozen in habitual patterns.
Take a few moments to find out whether or not you have the right support system. Do you have a supportive friend or spouse to encourage you to live to your fullest potential? If you are already a multi-millionaire and have the most supportive partner or life mission coach, you won't need to read this article.
What are the common problems we face to pursuing our life's mission?
In the best sense, intimate partnerships urge us to open our heart, while at the same time maintain our own individuality. Many couples married for three years or more stop seeing the magic, delight and gentleness in one another. If one partner wants a career change or starts their own business, the other may sabotage their partner's efforts at pursuing a degree part-time or getting a small business off the ground. The partner in pursuit of their life mission is happy and excited about creating more wealth, time and freedom to enjoy with their family.
Does your wife or husband encourage you to explore new horizons?'To enter into "relationship" with another is to seek their essence, or truth. Yet most of us, very quickly loose that ability to "relate" and seek the truth of our partner; We are too busy seeking to 'be right' for ourselves.
Truth has many faces – Being Right has one very rigid one, allowing room for no one else. We must be very careful in our relationship with all; Do we seek truth or to be right' - Kimberly Herkert
I love this quote by Kimberly, a life mission teacher. Ask yourself if your partner is flexible or rigid in support of your mission and life's passion.
I am sure you have heard the saying. Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results is called insanity. If yourdesire to start a business or have a career change is not supported by your spouse, you may have to make a relationship change. If you are in a new marriage and have young kids, it maybe traumatic to separate from your spouse and pursue your life mission because your kids will grow up in two separate households.
This may sound drastic, but maybe it is time for a divorce. The second alternative is to stay in a dead marriage where your life mission efforts are sabotaged. You hate your job and everyday you slip deeper and deeper in depression until you see a doctor and take drugs to numb your depression.
"Relationship can lead either to sleep or awakening." - John Welwood
Is your relationship leading you to sleep or awakening? If the answer is sleep, have you considered couples counseling? The third alternative if you don't want to divorce and stay in the relationship to work things out is to seek body centered somatic therapy. The word therapy for some people brings shame and guilt.
Give yourself a break. Taking care of crying babies needs, while trying to support your partner and at the same time go through a career change can overwhelm even the best of us. So have some compassion for yourself.
Relationships require these virtues: generosity, humor, gentleness, compassion, selflessness, patience and the ability to be present. If your marriage is worth saving, it definitely is worth spending $100 to $500 an hour for however many hours necessary to heal each other's wounds.
Most people have no problem spending thousands paying for divorce lawyers.
When you work on repairing your marriage you might have strong feelings of frustration, or wish that a certain situation wasn't happening. These feelings happen when our needs are in conflict with the other partner.
You may want to spend a quiet evening after you have put your baby to sleep to talk about starting your own business or going back to school to change careers. Intentionally bring mindfulness and discernment to such moments. We can acknowledge our feelings of anger, resentment, frustration and also our feelings of empathy and understanding. So instead of getting angry at your baby or partner for not listening to you, maybe it is time to hire a babysitter and go out to a quite restaurant or café shop to have that talk with our spouse.
How to find the support you need?
If your spouse or partner will not support you on finding a career change and you don't want to deal with the emotional turmoil of divorce. You can:
1. Hire a life mission coach.
It maybe necessary to rent an office or buy a trailer and have your life mission coaching sessions away from home. So there are no crying babies and other unexpected distractions that could get in the way of you drawing up a game plan to start your new profession or business.
Posted by mrp721 at 12:32
Friday, September 19, 2008
As much as we would all love to live an easy life with endless resources and finances, most people might admit that life would be pretty monotonous if there were no obstacles or failures.
Evidence of this might be seen by watching the celebrity gossip television programs, where the rich and famous of Hollywood seem to bounce from one crisis to another, seemingly bored of living the good life. How many times have you watch such stories in the news, and thought what you would do to benefit humanity if you could have their vast resources of wealth, power and influence. How many times have you been puzzled when trying to understand their mindset?
Success begotten without any hard labor or without crossing any insurmountable barrier is hardly remembered even by the most successful people. To compare it with something which we experience every day, we would not value sunlight if it was not snatched by darkness of the night. While no one in this world is spared from ill fortunes and his share of bad luck, disappointments and failures, what separates men from mouse is the individual ability to deal with failures.
While some succumb to their past rejections and present failures, some rise above it and strive harder to perfect their processes to achieve success. The second group always visualizes the entire spectrum of life – with its due quota of ups and downs and sees every failure as another opportunity thrown at them which has the potential of future success. This relentless pursuit of happiness and success despite all the hurdles which might come in the way, eventually take these people high on the ladder of accomplishment. The people who are tormented at the sheer thought of failure, past or present, are usually left behind. What is it that makes successful people look beyond their set backs and re-set their goals with renewed enthusiasm and vigor?
Here are some of the ways by which people can achieve this skill:• Treat the past as over and future as illusive. This means that you have to act for the present moment, which is all that you have in front of you. If you let your past failures come in your way of thinking positively for the future, you would be perennially haunted by what obstacles may occur in future.
The key is to treat any set-back as an opportunity to improve the way you do things. Once you start believing in what the present is offering you, you tend to be more focused on making the most of your opportunities. • Believe in yourself. We all know about the rejection which Graham Bell faced from the scientific community when he invented a new way in which we could communicate.
If Bell had given up on his belief and resigned to his failures, we would have perhaps never reached this far as we have today in the field of communication. Failures, negative criticism, set backs are all intrinsic part of success. If you believe in your ideas and can firmly stand by it, you can look at every failure on its face and see the sun that shines behind the barrier. The talent or ability to take every failure in the stride is an important asset in any organization. It is really the leader’s responsibility to coach his employees and team members the importance of remaining steadfast in their approach to achieve respective career and personal goals. Set backs would come and go and would continue to do so, so long as you are involved in some kind of activity in life.
There is a saying that when it rains, it pours. Nothing can be truer than this saying, when it comes to being flooded with set backs. Where we go wrong is that we fail to notice the silver lining around the cloud. Motivational Magic is a mindset that gives special attention to building and reinforcing this type of thinking. People are given the tools to develop a more positive outlook towards life and to go beyond failures with a smile and head held high.
The whole idea is to derive new enthusiasm from our adversities. Reaching deep within to tap into an inner power that you never worked with ever before. Reverse the negativity, and let us not turn the whole adversity experience into a vicious cycle where we perform sub-optimally in the face of adversities to invite more failure. If you have tried hard, try harder this time pushing down all the adversities which hinder you and success could be round the corner.
Overcoming the adversities of life can reward you with an exhilerating feeling of strength and accomplishment. While most people run from adversities, the true leader embraces adversity and uses it as a slingshot to propel themselves forward. Mount Rushmore was inspired by such leaders, incredible men who accomplished amazing feats by harnessing the power of adversity.
Allow your adversities to unlock your greatest opportunities for personal achievement and extraordinary accomplishments!
Posted by mrp721 at 12:29
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Some excerpts taken from "The Tough Minded Optimist" Norman Vincent Peale
I have read many books about self-confidence, self-esteem, positive thinking and the like. Almost all of them touch on the subject of Enthusiasm. It is a word that has one definition that means "Filled with God". I think that is important for many reasons but most importantly as Christians we tend to think that anything to do with developing our mental health is not as important as our spiritual life, when in fact the two are very closely related and work together.
As believers we should get full of God and stay that way! It will affect every are of our lives.Enthusiasm is a force that can work for you and its absence can work against you. The human mind and spirit works much like a magnet. It attracts certain things and repels certain things. In order to attract the blessings this life has to offer and the success that all people desire
whether they are honest enough to admit it or not you have to charge your mind and spirit with certain elements one of which is enthusiasm.
Enthusiasm is a skill that requires effort and practice. It is more than just being happy. You have to work at it to develop it. Enthusiasm is actually spiritual in tone and content so it is more than just how you feel at any given moment. It is an inner strength; an inner discipline that causes one to look at the positive in the midst of any situation and see the good. This will release the drive to carry you over every obstacle you face. It keeps you going when the going gets hard.This may seem complicated but you can make yourself an enthusiastic person regardless of your personality!
It is really as simple as THINKING ENTHUSIASM, TALKING ENTHUSIASM AND ACTING ENTHUSIASTICALLY ON A DAILY BASIS! When you affirm this regularly it will get hold of you and take over within you!Take hold of this principle. Say this affirmation daily: " I think enthusiasm, picture enthusiasm, practice enthusiasm!"This is based on a simple psychological law: There is a deep tendency in human nature for us to become precisely what we HABITUALLY IMAGINE ourselves to be. As a man thinketh in his heart so is he....(Prov 23:7)
As I mentioned previously almost everything I have read or been taught on the subject of personal development, achievement and success addresses the subject of Enthusiasm. It seems to be woven throughout the teachings of every successful person and mentor that I have read after or studied under.What I have learned is that enthusiasm is much more than a principle to live by but it is truly a lifestyle that can be cultivated to the point that it becomes a part of you.
It is a zest for life and living that spills over into everything that you do and influences those around you. It is a genuineness of spirit and a sincerity that cannot be masked behind a facade of selfish motives. It is a heart felt love of life and people that will attract good things and good people to you.
My mother is one of the most enthusiastic people I have ever known. She has a pureness of spirit and a genuine happiness that I sometimes envy. She is always content to be with her family and she always sees the beauty in everything in life. She sees beauty and wonder in even the simplest of things. She is always there for her family and friends. She is loyal, dependable and trustworthy and would do anything to help another person if it is within her power. She is a wonderful mother.
My purpose in saying all of this is more than just to honor my mother, even though she is worthy of such honor, but to spotlight genuine enthusiasm. A love for life and living that I believe that every person can cultivate if they so desire.
One way that you can begin is to get a sheet of paper and begin to list all of the things that you are thankful for. No matter how difficult your circumstances may seem there is always something to be thankful for. You are alive-start with that!!! Make a practice of this. Being thankful to God for everything good in your life. As you do this daily you will begin to get excited about life again.
Being enthusiastic will start to become second nature to you. I realize that this is very simple but I think the world is tired of complicated solutions. Jesus used simple examples in all of His parables. Honestly folks, this life is easier than we make it!!!Think happy thoughts. Life is full of negative, unhappy influences. Go out of your way to make other people happy.
Hey there's a radical idea! Do something unselfish and see how you feel! Life is about more than you or me. It is about expressing love toward a world of lost and hurting people. You can't save them all, but do what you can! It won't necessarily be easy but persevere. Keep at it until it takes over.Practicing this will begin to affect every aspect of your life; your job, your marriage, your relationships, your children - YOUR LIFE!! Go for it! You will begin to attract success and repel failure.
Posted by mrp721 at 12:20
Monday, September 15, 2008
If there is a mystical power in the universe which could bestow great things on you, it may be the Law of Attraction. This will manifest you joy, riches, and physical & mental health. You just need to recognize how to utilize it. Some basic principles of the Law of Attraction can assist your progress.A significant principle of the Law of Attraction is that what you think about becomes reality. What you think about is energy, exactly as the whole universe is energy. Whilst you contemplate your world, or merely let ideas enter your mind, you are determining your reality.
You achieve this by way of the Law of Attraction. The energy you transmit attracts comparable energy. The universe then reacts to your feelings by returning the energy. This occurs for positive or negative feelings.Another foundation in understanding the Law of Attraction is that it's too challenging to monitor each one of the many thousands of thoughts which you have each day. The intention, rather, should be to nurture a feeling of well-being, joy and gratitude. This will achieve more than attempting to alter every thought one by one. Feelings are crucial to the Law of Attraction.
One guiding principle of those using the Law of Attraction is thus: 'life is intended to be happy and fulfilling'. Unfortunately a lot of people believe that their lives will be nothing more than stressful work situations, miserable relationships, bad health, and a stack of debt. Unless these folks alter their attitudes, they will never discover the abundance that they can bring forth using the Law of Attraction.There can not be a deficiency of anything which you desire if you employ the Law of Attraction. This is a further basic principle of the Law of Attraction. It signifies that there is plenty for everybody to have and to achieve what they desire. This is particularly so as many people want particular things and others want something different.
The Law of Attraction, states that what you desire is always possible. One construct of the Law of Attraction can be expressed like so, "what you get is what you see." The meaning in this instance is when you see an outcome, you will vibrate with energy based on it. If you see positive & good results, you will transmit good energy.This energy comes back to you in the shape of more positive results. So, to achieve positive results, you must find a means to see positive in situations. If you see bad, more bad will return to you. Conversely if you see good, more good returns.
This is how the Law of Attraction operates. The idea of asking for specific things is a component of the Law of Attraction. When you ask the universe for what you wish for, you can have it. To achieve this, you must have faith in the universe to deliver. Then, you must assume it as if you already have it. Then you'll discover the Law of Attraction bestowing all sorts of fine things on you.The Law of Attraction can be both complex and simplistic at the same time. You need only ask what you desire and you will receive. Yet, to do that with faith, you must work on to restructuring your complete way of thinking. To achieve this it is beneficial to study the principles of the Law of Attraction.
Posted by mrp721 at 12:17
Saturday, September 13, 2008
“Big ego is lack of trust in your own soul.” ~ Lauren Brownell (Vermont Artist)
We all know exactly what people mean when they describe someone as having a big ego. They are describing someone who is very self-referenced and self centered, often with mind-bending hubris, and perhaps someone who thinks we should worship gratefully at their feet. For some of us, a big ego may call to mind the “big ego anthem” You’re so Vain by Carly Simon. (On an ironic note-it was rumored to be written about Warren Beatty who I happened to say hello to last Saturday. He was warm and friendly. No trace of ego!).
When we talk about this type of ego, we aren’t using Sigmund Freud’s definition of the ego. In his seminal work, he defined three aspects of the self: the ego (the core self), the superego (the conscience) and the id (the primitive and impulsive self). In our current vernacular, we talk about a big ego in the way that A Course in Miracles describes the ego.
In Marianne Williamson’s classic A Return to Love, she writes, “In Course terminology, our entire network of fearful perceptions, all stemming from the first false belief in our separation from God and one another, is called the ego. The word is used differently here than the way in which it is often used in modern psychology. It is being used as the ancient Greeks used it-as the notion of the small, separated self.”
When anyone is running around with a big ego, we can be assured that the person is operating from fear. Whenever I think I have found the person who is the exception to this truth, I invariably find out later that in actuality they are fearful. Having an exaggerated ego is the same mistake as thinking you are unworthy or not enough. Both the “too much” and the “not enough” perspectives are generated from fear and the idea that we are separate from God. I was speaking to my brilliant friend Lauren last night and she casually said “Big ego is lack of trust in your own soul.” Wow! In other words, having an exaggerated self identity is a smokescreen. It is really about not trusting (fear) in the Divine. For someone with more of an atheistic or agnostic perspective, this fear might come from lack of trust in love or fear concerning the natural order and the inherent organic patterns of life.
The really good news about this big ego awareness is that we can be more forgiving of those who are operating from fear and consequent big ego identity. If we are honest with ourselves, most have us have done at least a little ego posturing. Because we were fearful, we created a façade.
Let’s remember to forgive our sisters when they are tempted to use this same defense mechanism. Of course, it can be very challenging to be generous of spirit when we are thoroughly annoyed. However, this challenge may strengthen our spiritual muscle. It may help to put into practice the belief that many of us share; that the personality “layer” is really only part of our outer packaging.
The deeper truth about our selves and others is the soul or spirit that lies within. My experience has been that when members of the big ego brigade feel safe enough, which must include not being judged by us, they will soften and step into a much more balanced, relaxed and honest self identity.
Posted by mrp721 at 12:13
Thursday, September 11, 2008
You heard me right. I mean wealthy, not just healthy. Therapy is not just about mental illness, it is about mental and emotional health and in my book it’s about emotional wealth. I believe we are all capable of emotional wealth. What are the hallmarks of the emotionally wealthy person?
Look at the following characteristics and descriptions. See how many you answer “yes”.
• Are you emotionally strong?
• Are you passionate?
• Can you grieve deeply and love fiercely?
• Can you tolerate fear and overcome it?
• Can you channel your righteous anger into right action?
• Can you use your petty anger as a mirror for growth?
• Can you tell the difference?
• Are you living with your whole heart and soul?
• Can others lean on you without breaking you?
• Can you maintain your equanimity when things go right, when things go wrong, when things get boring and when things get chaotic?
• Are you honest with yourself and others about your feelings and beliefs?
• Can you tolerate disapproval and disappointment?
• Can you face your dark side: greed, envy, jealousy, shame, anger, fear, intolerance, laziness, judgment, and superiority? And can you embrace your dark side in order to transform it?
• Can you sit still with your impulse to act and move when you feel scared or stuck?
• Can you handle your emotions without stuffing them through food, alcohol, smoking or other addictions?
• Do you give your love to another freely and without strings?
• Do you receive love openly and defenselessly?
• Do you face pain with courage and fortitude?
• Can you love fully even though doing so involves the risk of loss?
• Can you set and keep boundaries even in the face of disapproval from others?
• Can you generate right action even when you are tired, lazy or scared or depressed?
• Do you genuinely like yourself most of the time?
These are some of the hallmarks of emotionally wealthy people. None of us is perfect, and I have yet to meet the person who could do all of these things all of the time. When clients seek therapy, however, they take away from it many of these characteristics. They become emotionally wealthier and these benefits last a life time. For many, this is the most important thing they get from counseling. If you answered no to some of these questions, consider how much richer your life would be if you could answer yes to all of them.
Posted by mrp721 at 12:00
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Use anger correctly and positive results can happen! This statement is very shocking, for it is in direct contradiction with experience. Most people have witnessed the sharp and cutting blade of anger as it slashes and cuts its victims and have experienced the unresolved anger that creates emotional distance be-tween themselves and their loved ones.
It is natural to experience anger, but how can it achieve positive results? When anger destroys a relationship, it was not used correctly. When the ex-pression of anger works in a positive direction, it clarifies to others the bounda-ries necessary for all successful and healthy relationships.
Anger communicates a warning that a perceived violation has occurred and provides the necessary energy to do what is necessary to correct the situation. As strange as it may ap-pear, without anger there can be no successful relationships!Anger has two distinct groups; new anger and old anger. Old anger is resent-ments, unmet expectations, and past emotional wounds. Old anger is each unre-solved anger event stored inside of us that when combined with a new annoy-ance adds to the emotional pressure cooker.
Anger is energy and when this new anger is added to the boiling cauldron of unexpressed emotions, there is no place for this force to go blowing off the pot’s lid, as in the expression “blowing my lid”!. The broken shoelace may be the last bit of energy added to the anger soup already cooking that result in the inevitable explosion! The sad part is that usually the targets of anger are the people that are the closest and loved the most.Anger that is verbally expressed when it occurs, somehow does not add to the stockpile of old anger, and therefore loses its explosion potential.
This is a simple rule of successful living. Appropriately expressing the anger as soon as possible keeps this anger energy from winding up in our internal “anger pots”. What is the best method of appropriately expressing this powerful emo-tion? A very simple, yet effective method of decreasing this energy is by actually saying the feeling word such as “mad”, “angry”, “frustrated”, etc. In order for these words to release the energy, say them aloud. This verbal expression of emotions allows the person to connect with the energy behind the feeling, result-ing in a decrease in the intensity of the situation.
If the relationship is important, then the direct expression of the anger toward that person is necessary for main-taining a healthily relationship. Other people need to know what the anger is about; for not many are mind readers!When people use anger to build relationships, each person has a clear under-standing of the other’s needs and boundaries. The expression of anger can be in normal conversational and even in a polite tone of voice; shouting, hitting, or the silent treatment is not confronting the anger in a healthy and successful manner.
A simple but effective method of confronting others in a non-threatening method is the “See-Feel-Need’ method. Confront the person who is the recipient of the anger using this simple model: “I see what happened… (describing the event)” “this is how this made me feel…(use real feeling words, such as anger, hurt, etc) ” and “I need this from you…”(How can resolution ever begin until the anger person identifies what is needed for solution?)Since becoming aware of individual anger is the key to this discussion, take personal responsibility for your anger by using “I” statements. Use “I” statements instead of the attacking the person by pointing the verbal “you” finger; this puts the responsibility back where really belongs, on the person doing the confronting. Ask the question, whose problem is it? The answer is that it belongs to the per-son who is angry. Think about it this was, the person who is causing the anger might not even be aware of how their behavior is affection others and may even be surprised when confronted.
Take personal responsibility for the problem by using the non-threatening “I” statements, as in “I have got a problem”. Then use the “See-Feel-Need” method for asking for what you need.
This “See-Feel-Need” system increases assertive-ness in a style that is non-threatening. Attack the problem, not the person!The last part of this little equation is this… “ask for what you want, be thankful for what you get, and then in a non-destructive methods to negotiate the differ-ence”.
Try to develop an attitude of allowing what others also need, commonly called a “win-win” situation.Personally deal with old anger by being willing to bring up wounds from the past with any associated pain but most importantly take responsibility for the emotion, don’t blame but talk about the situation. Grieving may be a necessary part of the healing process. The key is to examine the wounds of yesterday and their associated feelings then allow them to heal in the present time. Acknowl-edge the old anger, examine it, learn from the experience, and when that is com-pleted the anger is not needed, so let it go.Many self-help groups are safe places to express anger, pain, and shame.
If the anger is overwhelming and /or depression has occurred, a good starting place is a professional counselor. A trained mental health therapist can assist in unlocking the old anger and associated shame. By choosing to use anger correctly allows the freedom to live today without the burden of yesterday. These few simple but very difficult steps will allow anger to work as nature designated, building not destroying relationships. Managing anger requires willingness to manage this emotion, direct expression of anger toward the correct person, and most importantly, the verbal expressing of the ac-tual feeling words. Although this is a simple plan, it is not easy. Use anger cor-rectly and positive results will happen.
Posted by mrp721 at 11:56
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Success is important to everyone. Many people have specific goals for success that they are working towards or have already accomplished. Success can look different to different people. Some people's definition of success requires a lot of hard work and commitment. No matter how you view success, affirmations can be a useful tool to attain what you want.
An affirmation is a statement that you use to propel you to success. It is simple to use affirmations in your everyday life. You need to create a list of them first before you can start using them. The best way to do this is to write them down and post them in an area that you will see each day. Some experts say that you should say your affirmations each day for forty days.
This will set these statements into your unconscious mind, which will have an effect on your active conscious. Using these statements to help push you to success is just like any other habit that you need to start or stop. It will take time and effort on your part before you will see results. The most important key to success is positive thinking. People that are positive thinkers will have enough courage and perseverance that will lead them to the fulfillment of their dreams.
Thinking positively will help us a great deal when we encounter problems and trials along the way. Losers are those who give up half-way because they do not see any bright ends. People that think positive will act positive and will end positively. If you want to achieve success, you won't get there unless you are good at goal setting.
You can set short term goals, medium term goals, and long term goals. Short term goals are those that you can expect to attain in a few week. Long term goals are goals that you can attain over the course of a few years or even a lifetime. Medium term goals fall in between those two.
Set goals and measure your progress. It doesn't matter what types of statements you use for your affirmations. There are many lists of them online if you need some suggestions. The most important thing is the statements must reflect your intentions. You should take a five to ten minutes every day to meditate on your affirmations. If you follow these steps you will soon see successful changes in your life.
Posted by mrp721 at 11:54
Friday, September 5, 2008
When we worry about having a better relationship with our loved ones, we must always keep in mind that we live in a country where the lower chakra needs of food, shelter and clothing are no longer a primary issue. The homeless even have a place to go that is warm and offer a meal if they chose to accept it. But still it seems like we cannot get away from so many generations and lifetimes of poverty consciousness.
I think we still really have no concept of what it means to go hungry and to not know where our next meal is coming from. So often we see people go from low income to extreme wealth such as basketball players, musicians and actors. If you look at the pattern of what they do with their money you will find they spend it mainly on first chakra needs (or physiological needs). They buy many houses and cars and things. Usually that feeling of not having enough , we equate with not being enough. We live in a world where we are born dependent and have no chance of survival. So as a human race we have worked hard to meet these lower primary needs of food, shelter and clothing which correspond to the three lower chakras.
But what about the other four primary needs of safety, attention, validation and acceptance? All elements necessary to build a better relationship with others?Maslow has other names for these 7 primary needs, but in essence they are the same. In his model he even has a gap between Esteem needs or validation and Self-actualization or acceptance, I wonder why.
Self-actualization seems like this elusive and lofty destination that only the initiates have the secreat password which will grant them admission.Actualization is a term coined by Maslow and is only defined in terms of self actualization.So it is the act of making the self real. In this sense it appears that some action must be taken in order to get there as opposed to it being granted to you.So how do I become real and actualize a better relationship?
We cannot actualize a better relationship without being "in truth" to the Self. There is, of course, capital "T" Truth, which are universal laws and do not change for anyone. Gravity, is a perfect example of this type of truth. For it doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, old or young, gravity will always work the same. Jump off a cliff, and splat! It is, however, in the lowercase "t" truth where changes can be made and where we need to focus our attention.
Your unique, lowercase "t" truth cannot be found in any book. It cannot be found in a bank account or in a new car. It is found within yourself, buried under the lifetime layers of wounds. It can be found under the fear, guilt and shame. Under the grief, lies and illusions and under the earthly attachments. It requires you to value your own opinions and your own uniqueness. This concept is something that sages have known for thousands of years. First, you must meet your own physical needs.
When talking about creating a better relationship, creating a safe place for yourself physically and emotionally, addresses this primary physical need. It is in this place that you must pay attention and validate your truth even if others do not agree. In the end you will be able to accept who you are - and from that place every action you take, every decision you make will be from this truth. And then you will have aquired a state of self-actualization. And actually actualize a better relationship.
Posted by mrp721 at 11:41
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
At times we all find it so difficult to go on when everything seems to fail, isn't it? Are there times in your life when you really want to call it "quits" because you just can't see any good results from all the hard work you've done?So what are we to do at times like these? How do we cope?
Never ever think of giving up. Winners never quit and quitters never win as the old saying goes.
Take all negative words out of your mental dictionary and be aware of what you are saying at all times, focus on the solutions with utmost conviction and patience.The battle is never lost until you've abandon your vision.But what if you're really exhausted physically, mentally, and most of all emotionally? Here are some sources of motivation to prompt and assist you in reaching the peak of accomplishment.
1) The Overwhelming Feeling of Attaining your Desired EndHow would you feel after accomplishing your mission? Of course you will feel ecstatic. You might be shedding tears of joy.
Let this tremendous feeling sink in and encourage you to persist despite all odds.As I work on Achievement Radio and the many challenges it presents day in and day out, I used this technique to motivate me. I pull out my goals sheet with my core values and vision statements, I use these to remind me of the difference Achievement Radio makes in the lives of so many people all over the world. I imagine you listening and getting that one idea or new thought that will create a new energy and life that is better than you ever thought possible. I absorbed all these great perceptions into my inner being in order to achieve my ultimate goal.
Then, I get busy taking action on my goals!
2) The Reward System – Make it Real and True to Your GoalsHow would you feel if you've entered a contest, but there are no prizes for the winners? It's not very encouraging, isn't it?The same principles apply to your vision. Reward yourself after accomplishing a goal. Set a particular incentive for every objective. Start out with small mile stones and goals if this is new to you and work your way up.Let's say if you've achieved a particular task, you'll treat yourself to your favorite restaurant. When you've finished a bigger task, you'll go on a vacation.Got the idea?Just set something gratifying to indulge in after completing a certain undertaking that is directly related to you most important goals.
3) The Powerful Force of HumanityIf you want to succeed, surround yourself with the right kind of people who will support and encourage you all the way.Be with people who have the same beliefs and aspirations as yours. Positive aura is generated by this fusion of collective energy from people of "like minds."On the contrary, being with people who oppose your ways of thinking may trigger a negative, yet very powerful, kind of motivation.
Has anyone ever said to you that "You'll never get anywhere?" or "You're wasting your time with what you're doing?"Didn't it made you furious and determined enough to prove to them how wrong they were? This is what I'm talking about.When aggravated, you will do anything to make those who are against you swallow their words. But of course, you’re primary focus should be on the accomplishment of your goal and not for the purpose of revenge. Never let your emotions toward others alter your main objective.
4) Take Care Of Your HealthAs Jim Rohn says, “You can’t do good if you don’t feel good”Exercise regularly. Fill your brains with enough oxygen to allow you to do your daily tasks with more vigor and energy.Take regular breaks if time allows.
Having the will power to continue despite all hardships is extremely important, but you should still know your limits.If you don't take enough rest, you will not be able to think clearly and you will not be able to do your tasks properly. In the process, you will just get more frustrated.Take sufficient sleep and recharge yourself after a hard day's work.
Never, ever ignore your health. I've learned my hard lesson when I sacrificed my health for the sake of success. I've worked very long hours everyday and just got minimal sleep. As a result, I became ill.It's not worth it. Success and money won't matter if you don't have good health to enjoy it.Fire up your motivation and live life to the fullest! You can do this, keep your focus on what you value most. Let nothing take you off your course.
The prize goes to those who bring value to the marketplace and provide more value for the customer’s investment. Know deep down inside you can and will walk away with all the success, happiness and prosperity you deserve.
Posted by mrp721 at 11:37
Monday, September 1, 2008
Have you been flirting with wealth attraction from a Law of Attraction standpoint?Yet, are you one of many, many intelligent people who have a hard time understanding the REALITY of The Law of Attraction? Have you chosen to disbelieve it because itseems too "out there"? Are you annoyed by all this talk about it? Make fun of it? You are not alone.
The Law of Attraction is a simple law that states that an individual attracts into their life whatever they focus on. Focus in this case meansthoughts, images, sounds, feelings and so on. What you watch on TV, what you read, who you hang around, the incessant noise in your head. These interactions eventually form your inherent beliefs. If you are NOT interested in understanding how the Law of Attraction works for wealth attraction,this article is not for you.
· Visualization is one of the most powerful LOA processes. Visualizing is simple. You do it ALL the time, but you are visualizing things you choose not to control. Eliminate images of lackand limitation from your belief system. Instead, use images that signify abundance to you. Stacks of money, your dream home, dream car. You can use a vision board or dream board for this.
· Having an attitude of gratitude -- Think of something that you can be grateful for. Anything. When you are experiencing financial lack; wealth attraction becomes even more of a frustration. Instead, spend a few minutes as you drift off to sleep giving gratitude for the little you have. Lacking gratitude plugs shut the financial faucet and causes even more frustration. Eliminate complaining, even commiserating from your life.
· Taking Action -- Wealth Attraction is not for people who are repulsed by work. But people often wonderwhy their hard work is not causing them to be prosperous. Do you not know many very hard working people that still struggle financially? Why is that? Their attitude neutralizes all their hard work. Their thoughts, feelings, their talk, everything they focus on is lack and limitation based. Instead, refuse to be one of the masses of people who work hard by taking the right action but still stays financially broken.
Posted by mrp721 at 11:33